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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be on my own with 2 children on Mother's day

70 replies

Mishy1234 · 13/03/2012 14:26

OK, here's the situation with no missing info.

DH booked to go to a gig in London this sunday night (probably a few months ago). This involves leaving at 11am on sunday to catch a flight, with an overnight stay in London, returning late on mon night. He claims he asked me ages ago, which he probably did in his usual stealthy way (waits until I'm knackered and busy and drops it into the conversation). £100's spent on flight, hotel etc which would not be recoverable. It's for a cover band who do Grateful Dead stuff, 4 hours of a recreation of some gig the original band did in the 70's. A chance of a lifetime apparently...

I am not relishing the idea of him disappearing tbh and leaving me with 2 children (4 and nearly 2) on Mother's day. I've been ill recently and haven't recovered completely (still very knackered) and this day is important to me. I don't really want a replacement day on a different weekend.

AIBU to feel put out? He's offered not to go, but I know that's not serious offer and only so he can say that he did offer not to go if I get pissed off about it. I think it's selfish and I don't really care if he didn't check the dates. It's not my job to check, it's him that's spending £100's on himself to bugger off for half the weekend.

Come on girls, opinions please!

OP posts:
av1va · 13/03/2012 15:09

My husband died when I was 6 months pregnant. Sorry if this sounds blunt but quite frankly I'd be thankful that you have the option of doing it another day and get over it.

Pandemoniaa · 13/03/2012 15:11

Sodding Mother's Day. It's rivalling Christmas Day for hurt feelings, misplaced expectations and cynical commercialisation.

So while I don't think YABU to want some help at home while you aren't well, I don't think it is helpful to build Mother's Day into an event that needs almost sacred reverence.

So just enjoy the day with your dcs, do something that you'd all like - even if this is just some junky food and a DVD - and then treat yourself all over again next weekend when your DH is around.

Original poster
Mishy1234 · 13/03/2012 15:12

I'm very sorry to hear that av1va.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 13/03/2012 15:19

Yanbu, there is no such thing as a "relaxing day" on your own with two young dc when you aren't feeling very well.

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 13/03/2012 15:20

YANB completely U, I wouldn't be impressed either if DH was to spend loads of money on a treat for himself on mother's day, will you be getting an equal amount to treat yourself to something another time? He must have realised at some point it is mothers day if he has organised something for his own mum and I wouldn't ask him not to go but would expect him to be a bit more sympathetic given that you have been ill.

BackforGood · 13/03/2012 15:33

It's unfortunate that the gig happens to fall on Mothering Sunday.
It's unfortunate you're not at full strength / been ill recently.
That is not really his fault though.
As others have said, the actual date doesn't really matter, just ask him to pamper you another day, or arrange something yourself.
When my dcs were little, dh was away regularly at weekends (well, still is, but it's not as draining once dc are older) so I arranged a weekend away to go and stay with an old school friend. We didn't do anything special, just drank wine, ate takeaways and ate chocolate and chatted. It was lovely, and we've made it an annual event. Just find something to give you some 'you time' or a break occasionally rather thna trying to stop him enjoying something he wants to do - that way resentment lies.

Bellstar · 13/03/2012 15:43

YADNBU!-despite the martyr mob trying to say you areHmm

Doesnt matter if mothers day is pile of commercial shite or not-you have been ill and deserve a day of rest and pampering not pandering to your dh's selfish whims-grateful dead ffs!

Personally I would be booking a spa day for yourself-actually make that a weekend-and make sure it falls on fathers day and lets see how he likes it.

iloveeverton · 13/03/2012 15:51

av1av sorry for your loss.

My dh will be working abroad- as he has for the last week and will be for the next 9 months. I won't see him for another month. I'm at home with ds 4 and dd 2. I would love if he was only away Sunday.

trixie123 · 13/03/2012 16:15

YANBU. My DP will be away also, at a stag do he really can't avoid as its a close relative. I agree that with kids as young as 4 and 2 there is a limit as to the extent you can watch tV all day and chill out. If they were 6 and 8 or older maybe, but as it is, it'll be a day just like the others I have on the days I don;t work and am looking after them. Fortunately my parents and Sis and BIL are coming over - is that an option for you OP?

WorraLiberty · 13/03/2012 16:21

DPs have Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversaries, Valentine's days to spoil each other (if they're so inclined to stick to 'official' days)

Mother's Day and Father's Day are for the children to appreciate their Mothers and Fathers.

If they're too young to make you a card/breakfast in bed then that won't change just because your DH cancels his time away.

Tortoise · 13/03/2012 16:22

YABU. As a single parent I've had at least 6 mothers days alone with dc plus as they want to give me a present I have to take them out to buy it with my money!

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 13/03/2012 16:25

My dh is apparently going to his mums for the day ( he has 5 brothers and sisters who are all going as well). I am not invited. I will be at home wth our 5dcs. It pisses me off i dont have family of my own my mum died a few years ago and it pisses me off that im not invited. I am planning a trip to the park with my dcs but with a 7,5,3,1 and 5 week old its not exactly a relaxing day :).
I might not be his mother but some tiny amount of thought towards me would have been nice.

LydiaWickham · 13/03/2012 16:32

Dirtydishesmakemesad - that's not on! It's not "Mother's Day" it's Mothering Sunday - he should be celebrating the woman who is mothering his children, not just his own mother (who, quite frankly, isn't doing any mothering anymore). Have you not told him how upset it makes you that he can't spend the day with the DCs so you get a day off?

imnotmymum · 13/03/2012 16:41

Now dirty you have a very valid reason to ask AIBU ! That outrageous and frankly why would he do that !!!

Bellstar · 13/03/2012 16:43

Dirty-you are a fool to put up with that.

lambethlil · 13/03/2012 16:47

Shock dirty

I've caised an incident for arranging to see a friend and her family this Sunday- she's regretfully pulled out and will be looking after her mother and MIL.

Mothering Sunday, meh!

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/03/2012 16:48

OP - make it Mothering Saturday instead! DH should take the kids, let you have a lie in, breakfast in bed with a flower on the tray and precious homemade cards from the little ones, then mummy off for a mani-pedi (if that is your sort of thing), home to a nice cup of tea with some homemade biscuits... hmmmm... what else would I want on my dream mother's day?

PostBellumBugsy · 13/03/2012 16:48

Oh Dirty that sounds horrible. I don't understand why you aren't included. Makes me wonder about the future though. My DCs are so sweet now & make me stuff & bring me spilling it everywhere a cup of tea in bed. I'd love to think that they will think of me when they are grown up too. I still make every effort to see my Mum - usually with DCs in tow.

ErnesttheBavarian · 13/03/2012 17:14

if you have been ill in bed all week who has been looking after you & the kids then?

CuttedUpPear · 13/03/2012 17:24

As a single mum of 19yrs I am in agreement with the poster whose was widowed when I say that at least you have had other Mothers Days when you were not on your own with 2 DCs.

I've been on my own for most of them and I think you shouldn't make too much of it as a day (a bit like xmas) because with small ones, there's always bound to be some tears and tantrums.

The idea of a Mothering Saturday sounds very good.

thekidsrule · 13/03/2012 17:37

YABU

its mothers day pretty much a normal sunday and as others have said commercial carp

just book a nice little pamper day or whatever you fancy in a month for you and your mates,then you both get a bit of time out

porcamiseria · 13/03/2012 17:40

I think you have to let this one go. and make sure you get your time back in the future

mothers day is a load of wank, really

make sure you plan a really nice day with the 2 kids somewhere, maybe a lunch (I know, mine are same age- but Pizza buffet maybe!!!!)

do something nice xxxx

megapixels · 13/03/2012 17:46

I think YABU to put so much expectation on a day that's only so popular because of the card companies and other such businesses. Don't fall for it. If your husband makes a habit of such things, then that is a problem. But if your only issue is that it's on Hallmark Mothers Day then YABU.

suburbandream · 13/03/2012 17:50

I am assuming when he booked it ages ago, neither of you knew it was going to be Mother's day (I didn't realise until this week!). If you knew, pointed it out to him and made it clear it's a big deal to you but he still went ahead then YANBU. But really, it's just a day for card/chocolate/flower suppliers to make some dosh. You will be with your DCs, try to have a lovely day with them. (And then make sure you book yourself a Spa day on FATHERS day so he can look after the DCs for you Wink)

Inertia · 13/03/2012 18:40

Dirtydishes that's appalling, I hope you're not going to stand for that!

Mishy I think the way forward here is to come over all magnanimous about how of course this is a special event for him , so you are happy to swap the dates of Mothers Day and Fathers day so he gets his treat now.

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