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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't want to be the villain....

74 replies

PrincessTeacake · 12/03/2012 16:37

Okay, this could take a while because it warrants quite a bit of explanation.

I'm involved with a group that follows a particular, unusual fashion, so unusual that generally when people get into it they form groups and hold meets. When I joined this group it had three members and they'd never had a meet. Also, I had just come from another group that I left due to infighting and bitchiness.

I galvanized the new group, added new members and organized their first meet, along with most of the meets that have happened since. We now have 33 members, including one guy, and they range in age from the youngest at fifteen to the oldest, me, at twenty-eight. There's a lot of different personalities and maturity levels but for the most part we all get along well. We do keep an eye out for bitchiness because the fashion as a whole inspires a lot of catty behavior.

Now onto the problem. The group had a meet yesterday that was their most successful so far, but I couldn't attend because I had something else on. There are two members of the group, sisters, that I had a falling out with a while back and they were at this meet, and both myself and the other girl involved with the falling out suspect they only went because I wasn't going to be there. Didn't really matter at the time, but apparently at the meet the subject of bitchiness in the community came up and they discussed it at length.

So, on our facebook page this morning, one of the admins changed the description of the page to the following:

"We are an awesome group of who aren't bitchy at all!!! All we want from a meet up is to have great craic!!!! We also go on meet ups around every second Sunday of the month!!!!! Join!!!! :D"

That's excusable, she's sixteen and a bit hyper. But I felt it was innappropriate for the description of our group since members of the other group might want to join and would feel put off by this. Two other girls agreed with me. But then, one of the girls I had the falling out with (let's call her F) wrote this:

" aaaw s was just too happy and hyper (cute) bout yesterday so she just wrote what on her mind its not like she using the b word all the time no point in making her change her post...and no body care really...and u have to make it sound like she did sumtin really bad that need to be punish."

This isn't the first time F or her sister has found reason to quibble something I've said on the group and I wouldn't mind if it was actually over something important but it's always over the most ridiculous things, like the days to hold meets that will suit everyone. I could have a provisional date up for ages and they'll debate on it just as everyone's agreed on the date. This is important though, the description is really offputting to any new members looking to join the group and F is objecting because she thinks I'm picking on the girl who posted it originally.

I've asked for a friend to back me up on this and she has, but the other members are burying their heads in the sand. I don't want to have to fight anyone for something so obvious and for something that everyone but F agrees on. Why do I have to be the bad guy?

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoLips · 12/03/2012 16:39

Erm, wha? And what fashion?

SilentBoob · 12/03/2012 16:41

Cor.

Barmix · 12/03/2012 16:43

Blimey.

MeltedChocolate · 12/03/2012 16:43

Assume you have no problem with the admin or really what she has written except that it might be off putting to potential new members?

Also I think it is important to tell us what fashion this is. Yes. Very important.

Clytaemnestra · 12/03/2012 16:43

Are you furries? Historical re-enactors? Adult babies?

Either way - you all sound like you're WAY too involved.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 12/03/2012 16:44

Furries?

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 16:45

Um..........whats the problem with the post? Just that you think the other, original group might think it was aimed at them? I don't understand Confused

Also - are you furbies? Or vampires?

Clytaemnestra · 12/03/2012 16:45

Are you gothic lolitas?

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 16:46

Wow thats 3 of us who thought furries

Conclusive.

whyme2 · 12/03/2012 16:46

I am confused yet intrigued but I would consider asking myself if it is really worth fighting over this issue. It does seem quite small to me. Or perhaps a quiet word in RL and not on fb with the 'young girl'.

Barmix · 12/03/2012 16:46

what's a furry?

MeltedChocolate · 12/03/2012 16:47

That was meant to be 'assume you have already said you have no problem....'

redskyatnight · 12/03/2012 16:47

I think you are thinking too much.

ChickensHaveNoLips · 12/03/2012 16:47

Are furries the people who dress up as giant teddy bears etc?

fallenpetal · 12/03/2012 16:48

Furries?

Um sorry Im confused by the whole post - sounds like play ground politics from what I can ascertain

GossipMonger · 12/03/2012 16:48

I need more info on what the group is before I judge comment.

StrandedBear · 12/03/2012 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 16:49

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=furries

hopkin · 12/03/2012 16:49

I don't understand why what she wrote is offputting. Is bitchiness a desired trait in groups that follow this myserious fashion? Are you Lolis?

hopkin · 12/03/2012 16:49

FFS mysterious.

NoDontLickThat · 12/03/2012 16:50

What are furries?

NoDontLickThat · 12/03/2012 16:51

nevermind, I just seen the link!

Moodykat · 12/03/2012 16:51

I had never heard of furries. I'm not sure I was missing anything!

What is the fashion though?! Am intrigued!

EightiesChick · 12/03/2012 16:52

Maybe just leave them to it, and see how the group gets on without you steering it for a bit?
It all sounds a bit oppressive in terms of the group dynamic. Is there another group that you could join? Presumably not if it's all so unusual but thought I'd ask.

hopkin · 12/03/2012 16:52

Is it ganguro? I REALLY want it to be ganguro.