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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't want to be the villain....

74 replies

PrincessTeacake · 12/03/2012 16:37

Okay, this could take a while because it warrants quite a bit of explanation.

I'm involved with a group that follows a particular, unusual fashion, so unusual that generally when people get into it they form groups and hold meets. When I joined this group it had three members and they'd never had a meet. Also, I had just come from another group that I left due to infighting and bitchiness.

I galvanized the new group, added new members and organized their first meet, along with most of the meets that have happened since. We now have 33 members, including one guy, and they range in age from the youngest at fifteen to the oldest, me, at twenty-eight. There's a lot of different personalities and maturity levels but for the most part we all get along well. We do keep an eye out for bitchiness because the fashion as a whole inspires a lot of catty behavior.

Now onto the problem. The group had a meet yesterday that was their most successful so far, but I couldn't attend because I had something else on. There are two members of the group, sisters, that I had a falling out with a while back and they were at this meet, and both myself and the other girl involved with the falling out suspect they only went because I wasn't going to be there. Didn't really matter at the time, but apparently at the meet the subject of bitchiness in the community came up and they discussed it at length.

So, on our facebook page this morning, one of the admins changed the description of the page to the following:

"We are an awesome group of who aren't bitchy at all!!! All we want from a meet up is to have great craic!!!! We also go on meet ups around every second Sunday of the month!!!!! Join!!!! :D"

That's excusable, she's sixteen and a bit hyper. But I felt it was innappropriate for the description of our group since members of the other group might want to join and would feel put off by this. Two other girls agreed with me. But then, one of the girls I had the falling out with (let's call her F) wrote this:

" aaaw s was just too happy and hyper (cute) bout yesterday so she just wrote what on her mind its not like she using the b word all the time no point in making her change her post...and no body care really...and u have to make it sound like she did sumtin really bad that need to be punish."

This isn't the first time F or her sister has found reason to quibble something I've said on the group and I wouldn't mind if it was actually over something important but it's always over the most ridiculous things, like the days to hold meets that will suit everyone. I could have a provisional date up for ages and they'll debate on it just as everyone's agreed on the date. This is important though, the description is really offputting to any new members looking to join the group and F is objecting because she thinks I'm picking on the girl who posted it originally.

I've asked for a friend to back me up on this and she has, but the other members are burying their heads in the sand. I don't want to have to fight anyone for something so obvious and for something that everyone but F agrees on. Why do I have to be the bad guy?

OP posts:
EverythingInMjiniature · 12/03/2012 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fleurdebleurgh · 12/03/2012 16:53

Cosplayers or Furries. Fo sho.

IvantaOuiOui · 12/03/2012 16:55

steampunk?

Calamityboo · 12/03/2012 16:55

I think we really need to know more about the group, I will go along with furries? COme on OP, you need to tell us!

ShirleyKnot · 12/03/2012 16:56

She didn't write anything horrible on the FB though did she?

But I am interested in what fashion/meet up/community group could possibly be interesting to 16 year olds and 38 year olds as well - is it like a vintage group and you do swing dancing and it's all Rockabilly and stuff?

Cos that's really cool.

Calamityboo · 12/03/2012 16:56

Steampunk? Hmm

Kayzr · 12/03/2012 16:56

I feel confused

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 16:57

Oh I like steampunk. If I was young I might go for that

lesley33 · 12/03/2012 16:57

tbh it sounds like a storm in a teacup. Maybe the 2 girls feel like you are trying to dictate everything too much? Other members of the group probably don't see it as a big enough issue to bother with.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 12/03/2012 16:57

You're into that funny stuff that's popular in Japan ain'tcha ??

Yabu and overthinking things btw.

ShirleyKnot · 12/03/2012 16:58

Steampunk

That gangaro stuff is a bit mad!

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 16:59

2 girls one teacup lesley?

BlueFergie · 12/03/2012 16:59

Sound like you view the group as 'yours', and don't like anyone else taking over. Unclench a little it's not that serious let it go.

IvantaOuiOui · 12/03/2012 17:00

visual kei?

GrumpyPlops · 12/03/2012 17:00

jeez. get a flipping life.

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 17:00

The 16 year old sounds too hyper and cutesy for steampunk.

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 17:01

kawaii??

PrincessTeacake · 12/03/2012 17:02

I am really surprised so many people actually pegged it. Yes, we are into Lolita or EGL, some of us are also cosplayers but not all of us. Maybe there's a furry in the group too, I don't know and nobody has volunteered that info.

The problem is that we don't need it pointed out that we are not bitches, the other group had a reputation for that and it drove some people out. And as for playground politics, it does have some real world consequences. I'm 28, I could give a monkey's what anyone thinks of me but there are some vulnerable teens in the group who find support with us. The implication of pointing out that we are not bitches points the finger at the rest of the community and I'd be worried about someone getting wind of it and using it as an excuse to pick on the girl who posted it originally. She already had her picture posted to a well-known anon board and some horrible things were said about her, thankfully I got rid of it before she found out. I don't want to give anyone out there any ammunition.

OP posts:
UsedToBePretty · 12/03/2012 17:02

I am so confused/intrigued.......

Calamityboo · 12/03/2012 17:03

Grin Grin Grin catgirl

MinnieBar · 12/03/2012 17:03

I'm guessing I wouldn't be a potential new member as it all sounds a bit outré for my lifestyle, but I'd certainly be put off by the shocking grammar.

PrincessTeacake · 12/03/2012 17:05

Grammar wise, one is sixteen and one does not have English as a first language. I feel the same sometimes but it's not a big deal.

OP posts:
Calamityboo · 12/03/2012 17:05

Princess, cant you just take down the post and have a word, in RL? Think YAB a bit U, over dramatsing/thinking/reacting to something that could be solved with a delete button.

It was much more interesting when we thought it was furries!

Still laughing Catgirl

GossipMonger · 12/03/2012 17:05

What does it ackshully mean??

QOD · 12/03/2012 17:10

What the actual feck is a Lolita? Apart from being an underaged girl tarted up....sounds wrong on a lot of levels