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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't want to be the villain....

74 replies

PrincessTeacake · 12/03/2012 16:37

Okay, this could take a while because it warrants quite a bit of explanation.

I'm involved with a group that follows a particular, unusual fashion, so unusual that generally when people get into it they form groups and hold meets. When I joined this group it had three members and they'd never had a meet. Also, I had just come from another group that I left due to infighting and bitchiness.

I galvanized the new group, added new members and organized their first meet, along with most of the meets that have happened since. We now have 33 members, including one guy, and they range in age from the youngest at fifteen to the oldest, me, at twenty-eight. There's a lot of different personalities and maturity levels but for the most part we all get along well. We do keep an eye out for bitchiness because the fashion as a whole inspires a lot of catty behavior.

Now onto the problem. The group had a meet yesterday that was their most successful so far, but I couldn't attend because I had something else on. There are two members of the group, sisters, that I had a falling out with a while back and they were at this meet, and both myself and the other girl involved with the falling out suspect they only went because I wasn't going to be there. Didn't really matter at the time, but apparently at the meet the subject of bitchiness in the community came up and they discussed it at length.

So, on our facebook page this morning, one of the admins changed the description of the page to the following:

"We are an awesome group of who aren't bitchy at all!!! All we want from a meet up is to have great craic!!!! We also go on meet ups around every second Sunday of the month!!!!! Join!!!! :D"

That's excusable, she's sixteen and a bit hyper. But I felt it was innappropriate for the description of our group since members of the other group might want to join and would feel put off by this. Two other girls agreed with me. But then, one of the girls I had the falling out with (let's call her F) wrote this:

" aaaw s was just too happy and hyper (cute) bout yesterday so she just wrote what on her mind its not like she using the b word all the time no point in making her change her post...and no body care really...and u have to make it sound like she did sumtin really bad that need to be punish."

This isn't the first time F or her sister has found reason to quibble something I've said on the group and I wouldn't mind if it was actually over something important but it's always over the most ridiculous things, like the days to hold meets that will suit everyone. I could have a provisional date up for ages and they'll debate on it just as everyone's agreed on the date. This is important though, the description is really offputting to any new members looking to join the group and F is objecting because she thinks I'm picking on the girl who posted it originally.

I've asked for a friend to back me up on this and she has, but the other members are burying their heads in the sand. I don't want to have to fight anyone for something so obvious and for something that everyone but F agrees on. Why do I have to be the bad guy?

OP posts:
MinnieBar · 12/03/2012 17:10

Well, that's my 'What new thing did I learn on Mumsnet' box ticked for today...

IvantaOuiOui · 12/03/2012 17:13

fans of steampunk, Not Remotely Steampunk on Regretsy makes me very happy. www.regretsy.com/category/not-remotely-steampunk/

SamuelWestsMistress · 12/03/2012 17:13

Oh are you the people who dress up as furry animals???

ViviPru · 12/03/2012 17:14

God it takes all sorts, doesn't it Confused

ViviPru · 12/03/2012 17:14

Grin @ minnie

EnjoyResponsibly · 12/03/2012 17:15

Well heavens, is that what you kids are into these days.

OP it is a truth universally acknowledged that 1. Facebook is the root of all evil 2. Groups of women often have a bitchy element, you'll never change it 3. 16 year old girls are super-enthusiastic about like everything like

Advice: ignore, ignore, ignore or you'll spend a lot of time in a state of angst. Get involved with other groups so your interests aren't so polarised. Oh, and the overuse of "I" in your post does make you sound rather bossy.

roundtable · 12/03/2012 17:15

Well I never. So many new things!

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 17:15

omg ouioui that's brilliant :)

catgirl1976 · 12/03/2012 17:16

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolita_fashion

lambethlil · 12/03/2012 17:16

I'm confused, I thought you were witches.

But you wear octopuss jewellery. Is that it?

roundtable · 12/03/2012 17:17

X post minnie! :)

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 12/03/2012 17:17

I wasn't guessing Furries, I was confused about what they are.

My actual guess would have been wolefs Grin

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 12/03/2012 17:22

Hopkin - thank you. Finally an answer to why my 16 year old niece paints pink and orange stripes across her face before she leaves the house.

If only she was doing it on purpose to be a ganguro and not just being a bit too fond of laying the fake tan, foundation and eyeshadow on a bit thick.

IvantaOuiOui · 12/03/2012 17:22

I spend far too much time on Regretsy but it makes me so happy.

hopkin · 12/03/2012 17:26

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes Grin Just make sure you take (and keep) lots and LOTS of pictures of her in all her finery. She'll thank you when she's come to her senses older.

oldraver · 12/03/2012 17:37

Crikey that seems like so much effort cyber and furry boots seemed much easier

MardyArsedMidlander · 12/03/2012 17:58

Cosplayer= someone who dresses up like a lettuce...

GrendelsMum · 12/03/2012 18:14

So am I right that she's changed your group description on Facebook to something which appeals to 16 year olds, but wouldn't appeal to older members of the group?

And that you're concerned, because your Facebook page is a major way that people find out about your group and the support it can offer, and you feel that this will put a substantial group of people off?

I think that you're probably right to want to tone it down a little, and maybe explain that although it reads very well to her, it won't be so appealing to older people.

But at the same time, you maybe need to recognise that what's appealing to you isn't so appealing to the younger members of the group, and be willing to compromise on this one.

Really amused to hear that this kind of group has exactly the sort of problem that besets church flower arranging committees and the like - guess it's human nature!

ILoveMortenHarket · 12/03/2012 18:24

What is Lolita/EDA. I also refuse to follow any links from here.

Dragon butter. Biscuit

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 12/03/2012 18:37

The lolita link has a young Japanese girl dressed in a short Victorian style black coat, so nothing like the dragon butter one (I think, I was never brave enough to google).

Kayzr · 12/03/2012 18:47

I love the Lolita dresses. I love seeing them when I go to Goth weekend in Whitby.

I am tempted by a dress or 2 once this baby has come.

GerardWay · 12/03/2012 18:59

It's safe to go on google images. Grin I wish I was 20 years younger as I would love to wear some of those dresses. I think I have seen similar dresses in Camden Market.

SilentBoob · 13/03/2012 05:46

Do you get to wear a black frock coat, striped stockings and a dashing mask if you're the villain?

Labootin · 13/03/2012 06:08

A twirly moustache at the very least ...

following that wiki link I love the kuro Lolita

Very me twenty years ago

The sweet..not so much but it's very interesting.

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