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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Time on my own = I don't like you enough to spend time with you? Doesn't it? AIBU?

74 replies

newnameme · 10/03/2012 21:31

General concensus please.

When a guy says he wants an evening to himself despite knowing you're free, would you take it personally that he didn't want your company?

OP posts:
EmpireBiscuit · 10/03/2012 21:33

Nope - I love a night to myself, doesn't mean I don't love DP as well. Being together 24/7 can be suffocating. Enjoy a relaxing night to yourself.

AKMD · 10/03/2012 21:33

No, I'd take it to mean that he is a normal kind of person who likes to have time to do his own thing as well as seeing you.

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2012 21:35

Just going on what I'm like, I wouldn't take it negatively.

Maybe that's right that he doesn't want your company tonight, but only because he doesn't want anyones company?

Try not to overthink it, if he hasn't said anything specific that he's gone off you then don't look for the signs he's thinking that Smile

DonkeyTeapot · 10/03/2012 21:35

No! YABU and a little clingy! (Sorry, but that's how it comes across.) If I don't get a bit of time on my own I go crazy, and if a guy wanted me to spend every evening that wasn't already booked up, with him, I'd run for the hills.

nizlopi · 10/03/2012 21:35

Not at all, I'd think that he wants to have some time to himself, which he's entitled too.

Clearly there is some fascinating back story here.

2rebecca · 10/03/2012 21:35

No, I like time to myself and like it when my bloke is out. Refusing to let me be alone = needy and clingy = dump in my opinion.

dementedma · 10/03/2012 21:36

aaaargh you sound like DH! I love time on my own but DH always takes it as a personal rejection. Suffocating not to have your own space now and again.

Olivetti · 10/03/2012 21:36

Totally depends how far into the relationship you are...

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 10/03/2012 21:36

I fantasize about time on my own Grin

Leave him be and have a lovely evening to yourself...

HellonHeels · 10/03/2012 21:37

Not at all! YABU. I love alone time and would feel very twitchy if I never got a break from people, even the ones I love the most.

LineRunner · 10/03/2012 21:37

Depends how often you both find yourselves having a free evening that you could spend together. If it's a rare event, then you might raise an eyebrow and wonder if he's 'just not that into you'.

If however the chance occurs very frequently, then he's probably just being honest and reasonable.

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2012 21:37

I don't think wondering whether someone's trying to tell you something indirectly is the same as being clingy Donkey.

The OP's not said anything about telling the bloke what she's thinking.

Tw1gl3t · 10/03/2012 21:38

Dear God, what I wouldn't do for just half-an-hour on my own. Let alone a whole evening. But this does not mean I do not love my OH or intend to file for a divorce. Get a grip!

roughtyping · 10/03/2012 21:38

I used to, now realise I was slightly unhinged and love a night all to myself.

EdithWeston · 10/03/2012 21:40

Are you talking about a DH/DP or a new BF?

For if the former, wanting a bit of time to themselves is totally innocuous. If it's a BF, it might still be innocuous but could also be a sign that he's just not that into you.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 10/03/2012 21:43

Nope. I'd think he was great. Which is probably what I should say to DP as he 'popped out' over an hour ago & I'm delighted he's been delayed as I can sit here & mumsnet/watch Take Me Out / gaze adoringly at DS/ read to my heart's content Grin

I think it depends on length of relationship though and whether you beleive he wants time on his own or think he's out with someone else

Original poster
newnameme · 10/03/2012 21:44

Lots of history.

He lives with people, I live with people. Only chance we get to have private time is in a hotel....which he no longer suggests.

He told me earlier today that everyone else is out & away overnight but that he doesn't want me there as he wants it to himself.

He knows I am insecure, had a crap few years, got no confidence blah blah blah. I'm now (or was until reading responses!) thinking I must be a really bad horrible person if he would rather be on his own than have me there for this one-in-a-milion opportunity.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 10/03/2012 21:45

When a guy says he wants an evening to himself despite knowing you're free, would you take it personally that he didn't want your company?

I enjoy time to myself to the point of being antisocial .....Sorry but I think you are clingy ..... everyone needs down time without other people around

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 10/03/2012 21:45

Why does private time have to be in a hotel? I really hope that by 'people' you don't mean family.

LineRunner · 10/03/2012 21:46

Who are the people you both live with?

PurplePidjin · 10/03/2012 21:52

Depends how often you see each other surely? I have no problem with dp going out for the evening, or he with me doing the same, but we live together.

If he chose a night on his own instead of a weekly "date" just because he fancied an evening to himself I'd be Hmm

Xmasbaby11 · 10/03/2012 21:54

It's normal to want time to yourself, BUT it depends how long you've been seeing each other and how often you see each other. If this is early days, and he's not tempted by a hotel night, I'd say he's not that keen.

Original poster
newnameme · 10/03/2012 21:54

No, no, no, we don't have families. Neither of us have such committments. Neither of us have children or spouses.

I live with a friend & he lives with his sister & her boyfriend.

I've had my confidence knoked out of me the last few years & hearing him saying he didn't want me at this extremely rare & unheard of chance just bought all the rejection back.

OP posts:
AbbyAbsinthe · 10/03/2012 21:55

Fucking hell, OP - I hope for your sake that you mean he lives with housemates.

PurplePidjin · 10/03/2012 21:56

X post. That scenario screams alarm bells at me tbh Sad

Give him all the "space" he could possibly want!