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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it rude of my cousin to do an Amazon wish list for her child's 1st birthday?

80 replies

AwkwardMary · 10/03/2012 17:46

I mean isn't it rude and a bit pushy? She's not even having a party for her!

The child is 1 so its not like she's chosen the things....the things are very varied in price though so I suppose it's ok but to me it takes all the pleasure of choosing a gift....I like choosing gifts and do well at it....I take a lot of time over it and really like finding nice things.

I alwasy buy nice things and to just press a button on Amazon for a gift that I nevr picked seems crap.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 10/03/2012 18:18

Abd the wishlist isn't just for others either in our case. Both DD and myself put things on it that we want for ourselves and may well buy ourselves in the future.

Mishy1234 · 10/03/2012 18:19

I don't think a wish list is rude tbh. It's a way of ensuring that IF someone wants to give a gift, then it's something the child doesn't already have or doesn't need.

We have Amazon wish lists for the boys with just books listed. That way they don't get things they already have and I use them as a way of remembering things I've noticed, but not wanted to get immediately. Only close family know if their existence, but if someone asked I would give them a link. I wish more people would do it tbh. It would make life a lot easier.

SpottyTeacakes · 10/03/2012 18:21

I did one for dd but only for myself and anyone who asked. There were things we needed for dd and we couldn't afford them (none of it was over £10 and we didn't expect gifts)

Sparklingbrook · 10/03/2012 18:21

I always thought wish lists on Amazon were for yourself, to keep track of what you might like to treat yourself to.

HolyNoSheDittantBatman · 10/03/2012 18:24

I think it depends whether she told you about it without you asking or you asked what she would like and then she told you.

If you asked or said you would be buying her DD a present then I think it's a very good idea for her to tell you what she would like/needs/doesn't already have. Whilst you may be excellent at buying presents, you don't know everything she has or what everyone else is buying. Better to spend your money on something she'll value/play with/use than something that will go to waste.

If she just called you up and said 'I'm sure you know that DD's birthday is coming up, here's the link to her wishlist' then yes she is rude and YANBU.

ragged · 10/03/2012 18:29

I wouldn't call it rude, but maybe presumptious.
I have 30+ first cousins. Can you imagine how stressed out I'd be if I thought I wanted to remember all their kids' birthdays?

Lambzig · 10/03/2012 18:31

I think its not rude to have one. It is very rude to foist it upon people, or to give it out without being asked.

I had one for DD's birthday, partly for myself because my memory is rubbish and because lots of family members will ask me what to get her. I always say "anything you choose will be lovely, but she does have a list of things on amazon if you would like the link". I would never send out suggestions.

Lastofthepodpeople · 10/03/2012 18:38

I dont think its rude at all unless she's insisted you buy from it. I always check on Amazon to see if someone has a wishlist before buying a gift. It's a nice way to make sure you get something they actually want.

Original poster

AwkwardMary · 10/03/2012 18:44

I should clarify that this was announced on FB. With a note that DDs wish list in on Amazon if anyone wants to buy her a gift.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 10/03/2012 18:46

Why doesn't she take out a full page ad in the Daily Mail and have done with it?

Floggingmolly · 10/03/2012 18:46

So it was a blatant request for presents . Can anybody not think this is as rude as be damned???

ragged · 10/03/2012 18:46

I wouldn't find that offensive, then. A bit PFB, but she's hardly the first to be like that. Just ignore?!

Meglet · 10/03/2012 18:48

I wish I'd done it! We have ended up with so much clutter over the years that the dc's have no interest in or we don't have space for.

Luckily my family only buy things I ask them for. XP's family buy the biggest presents (generous but impractical) and they go straight to mums house as we have run out of room.

Sparklingbrook · 10/03/2012 18:50

How many presents does a 1 year old need though, really?

bumbleymummy · 10/03/2012 18:51

I don't think it is rude or offensive. She did say IF someone would like to buy her a gift and it will just give people suggestions. They don't have to buy anything for the list or anything at all.

We have one for both our boys at the grandparents' request! They were struggling to think of things and didn't want to replicate presents they already had. Sometimes they'll use the list or they might just get a general idea from it. I don't see the problem tbh.

Original poster

AwkwardMary · 10/03/2012 19:30

I know Bumble I suppose I feel like I HAVE to get one of the naff things on her list though now...they are ALL character stuff for Peppa Pig tho and I KNOW the child will have limited interest in them.

I love going to nice places and choosing really personal things...all tasteful and lovely trad toys etc...things that I know get played with like those wooden fruit and veg sets...or hammer and pegs...classic wooden bricks...or maybe a Maileg Mouse house!

Sigh...looks like it's the bloody Peppa Pig art set then.

OP posts:

bumbleymummy · 10/03/2012 20:08

Not at all! Go for your own idea if you want! Some people may just be completely clueless and the list will help them. Your ideas sound lovely and I'm sure would be more appreciated :)

Goolash · 10/03/2012 20:16

If she emailed it to to you unprompted then rude. If you asked and were sent the link then not rude.

Ismeyes · 10/03/2012 20:18

YABU if its more that you are pissed off the list doesn't match up to your snobby wooden traditional toy ideals. If only your SIL knew that you would obvsiouly choose a far superior and incrementally more tasteful gift she could have avoided advertising not only her own low standards in toys but also her very poor manners in suggesting that HER DD might prefer something with Peppa Pig on it.

Sheesh.

DamnBamboo · 10/03/2012 20:19

I do them for all my three.
I fail to see the problem.
Obviously I don't insist people buy from it, how could you, so how is it pushy?
So many people routinely ask me what they want for Christmas/birthdays so I just direct them there.

I don't put anything expensive on it and there are a wide range of gifts that they would like.

Most people I know like the facthtat I do it! It's the only reason I started doing it!

YABU

PikachusMate · 10/03/2012 20:23

Good idea. So you get something that will be used and to your taste rather than something that goes straight in the bin, if people are kind enough to give.

FilterCoffee · 10/03/2012 20:25

Go for your own idea anyway :) If there's a list at all (!) then it should be suggestions only, not instructions!

DizzyKipper · 11/03/2012 08:20

Ok so she added a note about the wishlist in case people wanted to buy her something. So she's not actually being pushy at all over this, presumably is not going to mind if people don't even get her anything, and you're the one being a bit judgmental and unfair over this.
Personally when I buy presents for a young child I like to ask the parent what they think would be a good idea for that child - they're the ones that know the child best and will suggest things they either know or believe the child will like. What parent would suggest things they think are going to be rubbish or ignored?
The things she's suggested may not be to your taste but does it matter? You can easily ignore the list and get the child something you want anyway, or you can go with her suggestions. btw ignoring the 'peppa pig' bit, personally I don't think of an art set as a rubbish gift - it gives the child opportunity to be creative and have fun, what is rubbish about that?

sunnyday123 · 11/03/2012 09:25

i would love my friends to do wish lists! I hate having to think of ideas! I think its perfectly fine to make the list but you shouldn't be expected to buy from it.

I have 2 dds and there's nothing worse than someone you know spending their hard earned cash on things they wont like or are not into.

Similarly its frustrating getting duplicates of presents. At xmas, me and my brothers make lists for all the children and pass out ideas to each other. That way we ensure each child gets a gift they actually want and it takes the pressure off us as parents making sure they most of whats on their xmas list!

exoticfruits · 11/03/2012 09:41

I don't see a problem. I do a wish list BUT there are other shops -I never mean that you have to use Amazon or get something on the list. Just do your own thing.

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