To tell DP that actually, NO I don't want to see him at all tonight??

[creppy]

DP has a history of smothering me. Seems to think it's my responsibilty to provide him with entertainment and things to do etc as he has few friends of his own and no hobbies. Up until very recently he relied on me for his social life and evrytime I went out without him he'd text all night, insist on picking me up, insist on coming along etc. I gave him an ultimatum that either he develops a life of his own and allows me to live mine without being smothered or we're over. He agreed but anyway I said I wanted some space - my children are at their dad's once a fortnight and up until now I've had to spend every one of these nights with DP. I said enough is enough, I can see him anytime - wednesday nights for cinema, friday nights he can come down or whatever but I don't want him dictating EVERY saturday night that I'm childless. He reluctantly agreed. So tonight my kids are going to their dad's house and I'm going out on a girls night out. Funnily enough, he's managed to arrange a night out on the same day going to the same area of town as I am I didn't show that I was annoyed about this as he'd just say "well you told me to go out with my mates more blah blah" so I just left it. Anywa he's been hinting ever since this got arranged that we should meet up sometime during the night. I've said no as it's a girls night, not a couply night and I want a night to myself. He's carried on hinting and has just sent me a text saying "I'm sure I'll bump into at some point tonight, I'm going to drag you onto the dancefloor hehe xx". I just feel like texting back saying "fuck off and leave me alone!! please!!" but I won't. Part of me is saying he's supposed to be my partner - I should want to "bump into him" but I just want a night out where I don't have to think about all that shit!
Am I being unreasonable to text back something like "well I hope we don't bump each other really as I'm on a girl's night and so will feel a bit ignorent when I can't stop and chat!".

How would you deal with this?

I think your first response of "fuck off and leave me alone!! please!!" would be perfect, I couldn't abide a partner like this.

I think the fuck off and leave me alone text is needed here, he is obviously not taking the hint!! That would seriously do my head in!

"If we do cross paths, I will take it as a sign that you are unable to control your behaviour and I will have to rethink our relationship."

Or

"For fuck's sake, fuck off and let me breathe."

My first step would be to use paragraphs.

Difficult when you're on your phone Compos. It takes long enough to faff with the bloody thing without making everything perfect for the grammar police.

He's really more a boyfriend than a partner?... Partners tend to live together and spend most of their time together - and I suspect that's the kind of relationship he'd prefer and I'd be very surprised if he didn't have plans to move in with you. If you want a more casual, separate relationship where he's not in your hair all the time and he's not getting the hint then quite honestly I'd get a different boyfriend that's on the same page.

I would get rid now. This really isn't going to get any better.

YANBU. Go for the fuck off option...or else you will 'accidentally' bump into him, and then he will want to stay with you all evening and share a taxi home.

I couldn't put up with this at all, and would have got rid by now.

In a text compos? My aren't you a pedant.

creppy, if you don't like being with him, end it. Soon, before he gets even more attached.

It's not that I want a casual relationship but I do want a life of my own where I don't have to run everything by him and have him following me everywhere. I wouldn't even want that if I was married. He has also hinted about the "saving money by sharing a taxi home"

Trust your instincts.

If you don't live together and don't have children together yet feel like this, where exactly do you see the relationships in a year or two? A partner supports your decisions or calmly discusses reasons why they disagree. This is more like stalking...

If this is what hes like as a boyfriend then think about how much worse it would be if you lived together

Sorry but why are you with this guy?

Can you change plans and go elsewhere?

Or wait until tonight and see if he texts constantly, you'll know the if you're dealing with velcro man or not.

Or turn your phone off and go elsewhere.

He kept insisting and insisting that we spend tomorrow together since he's "missing out" on seeing me tonight and kept going on about going out for sunday lunch. I'm predicting having a hangover and wanting to stay in my pyjamas until at least lunch time - yet again I'm having to think about him and "his" plans for me.

How would I deal with it? I'd find someone else!

This man is acting like you're his bloody property! How much of this is about him wanting to control you/check up on you?

You know he will find you on your night out, don't you?

I don't mean bump into you - I mean find you!

If you think that things will get better - you fool yourself. The more deeply you get involved with him, the more he will control you and one day you'll turn round and realise that you don't have any friends left, you don't leave the house without him and he chooses all your clothes.

And you're afraid of him.

He thinks he owns you.

Id run for the hills.

He wants a day with you tomorrow to 'pay him back' for the time he is not getting from you tonight!

Big red flags which I bet are the tip of the iceberg with this man.

Have you posted about this before creppy? (or it might just be a common problem). Was it you that said that their 'dp' insisted on waiting at her house all evening so he could have sex when she got in at 2am after her girls' nights out?
Anyhoo I agree with other posters about changing your venue for tonight and telling him to get poked.
He's not your p though is he? Definitely just a bf.

I'd do as amberleaf says.... And fast!

Truth is, your night is already ruined isn't it? You will be in tenterhooks looking out for him and won't enjoy yourself at all. What a shame!

I agree he is being a bit too smothering, but to be honest you don't sound like you really want to be with him at all any more. Do you?

Why carn't you just txt him and tell him how you feel (or better still actually speak to him).

It's your lack of honesty and communication that is the problem.

Then if you don't want the same type of relationship, then you think about where you go from here.

" I'm predicting having a hangover and wanting to stay in my pyjamas until at least lunch time"

When you're deliberately avoiding seeing a man, he's really not the one for you. Unless you're secretly enjoying this on some nose-ring-pulling level, put the man out of his misery and end it.

I was wondering that too Fiendishlie - I'm sure there was a very similar thread a few weeks ago.
OP I think you need to cut this guy loose. He doesn't seem to be adding anything to your life other than stress. I love Gay40's suggestion about him being unable to control his behaviour and rethinking the relationship.
Give him one more chance being very clear that you need more space and if you don't get it from now on then the relationship is over and if he cant or wont back off then you need to end it.