To tell DP that actually, NO I don't want to see him at all tonight??

[creppy]

DP has a history of smothering me. Seems to think it's my responsibilty to provide him with entertainment and things to do etc as he has few friends of his own and no hobbies. Up until very recently he relied on me for his social life and evrytime I went out without him he'd text all night, insist on picking me up, insist on coming along etc. I gave him an ultimatum that either he develops a life of his own and allows me to live mine without being smothered or we're over. He agreed but anyway I said I wanted some space - my children are at their dad's once a fortnight and up until now I've had to spend every one of these nights with DP. I said enough is enough, I can see him anytime - wednesday nights for cinema, friday nights he can come down or whatever but I don't want him dictating EVERY saturday night that I'm childless. He reluctantly agreed. So tonight my kids are going to their dad's house and I'm going out on a girls night out. Funnily enough, he's managed to arrange a night out on the same day going to the same area of town as I am I didn't show that I was annoyed about this as he'd just say "well you told me to go out with my mates more blah blah" so I just left it. Anywa he's been hinting ever since this got arranged that we should meet up sometime during the night. I've said no as it's a girls night, not a couply night and I want a night to myself. He's carried on hinting and has just sent me a text saying "I'm sure I'll bump into at some point tonight, I'm going to drag you onto the dancefloor hehe xx". I just feel like texting back saying "fuck off and leave me alone!! please!!" but I won't. Part of me is saying he's supposed to be my partner - I should want to "bump into him" but I just want a night out where I don't have to think about all that shit!
Am I being unreasonable to text back something like "well I hope we don't bump each other really as I'm on a girl's night and so will feel a bit ignorent when I can't stop and chat!".

How would you deal with this?

"A good kick in the cock."
I think I might have a crush on SGB.

Perhaps the trouble is he thinks he's your DP - where as you clearly think he's just someone you go on a date with a couple of times a week?

Sounds like you want to totally different things from the relationship so you either talk about it and compromise somehow, or say goodbye and stop wasting each oths time.

SGB I look forward to you offering the supremely inappropriate advice that a female in similar circumstances needs a good kick in the cunt.

I've met a few people who would be well-deserving of that advice, too.

Any update OP?

Urrgh. He does sound creepy .

I agreev if hes like this now it will only get worse, whats he like when challenged?

hostile or sort of pathetic?

I think it just sounds like he likes you more than you like him. He wants to spend more time with you: That doesn't make him weird or creepy. If I was on a girls' night out and saw DP out, I'd feel happy to see him and we might have a dance. You obviously want different things from the relationship.

I really don't think this is a matter of wanting different things in a relationship! Its a matter of the boyfriend not listening to the op when she says she wants a night out without him or wants a bit of time alone. Everyone is entitled to that no matter how committed you are in the relationship or even if you are married. Couples don't have to be joined at the hip.

To say that the op obviously doesn't like him that much, they want different things etc is implying that the op is somehow responsible for his stalkerish behaviour. She is not!

I had a couple of relationships like this and its horrendous. The feeling of being suffocated and not being able to do ANYTHING without my boyfriend turning up, checking up on me, making me feel guilty for having time to myself, the questioning, the suspicion, the manipulative behaviour, the gradually cutting off my friends and eventually for me being bitten, attacked, and abused . . . Its horrendous.

Please don't dismiss this as the op just not being that into him. These kind of behaviours tend to escalate.

And a kick in the cock is genius!

I don't think the OP is responsible for his behavious PooPoo (fab username btw :o ) But I do think that as relationships progress, what happens quite often is that people do want to spend more and more time together, maybe leading towards living together. That's what happened in my relationships. However, the boyfriend should certainly listen to the OP if she says she wants some space.

What happened in the end OP?

Agree with the other posters its time to get rid.

yes people may spend more time together as things progress but that doesnt equate to 'turning up' places your partner goes out with their friends, thats not being commited its being a huge loser.
My friends sister married an idiot like this who feels no shame whatsoever gatecrashing a night out with just four women, women who invite this woman out less and less as they know her saddo of a husband cant help himself but tag along.

Actually I would advocate a kick up the twinkle for a woman who was behaving like a whiny, clingy stalker as well.

I'd leave at the "hehe"

Sounds like an irritation not a partner

Unless there's a good reason for his insecurity, it sounds like he's not the one for you.

What happened op?

I love being with my DP, we spend every bit of spare time we can with each other, we both have friends and hobbies but I would love to bump into him if I was out in town because I love him and his company makes me happy.
It sounds like you're mis matched I agree with cog, put him out of his misery and let him be free to meet someone who does want to spend time with him

I remember your last thread. How did it go?

Tinoftiger. Why is there always one who thinks its just a case of being mismatched rather than what is perfectly clear in that he's a bloody stalker!

The difference between your situation and that of the OP, Tinoftiger is that she doesn't want to bump into him. Or rather, she doesn't want him to prowl the town stalking her down so he can accidentally "bump into her". She wants a bit of space to do her own stuff and that's hardly unreasonable. I agree that they probably are mismatched but that's because her DP is smothering her.

he doesn't sound like a stalker he sounded like he wants to be identified as one half of a whole, 'Im going to drag you on the dance floor hehe' as opposed to a man kept at arms length whenever the OP feels she wants him.
If I was him I'd be feeling rejected.

TOTF, are you the partner? Lovely about your relationship and all that, but not everyone wants to be joined at the hip.