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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think if you have a pool party you should supervise the children?

74 replies

Condensedmilk · 10/03/2012 07:40

Just left a birthday party.
When I arrived, there were 12 children in the pool with no one watching.
I was shocked and didn't feel comfortable leaving DD there. I felt I had to stay.
Four more kids then arrived, so 16 in the pool all together.
Party mum was in the kitchen and after 20 minutes she came out and was a bit put out when she realised I was sitting by the pool. I explained, nicely, that I always watch DD in water.

One of her friends (party mum also had two friends there - neither were watching the pool) asked me sarcastically if DD couldn't swim.
I said she could, but with that many people in the pool, I felt uncomfortable without supervision.
She gave me The Look.
Party mum then said they have a "no jump" policy Confused meaning they are not allowed to jump in. This was rubbish, as kids were jumping in all over the place and I had to tell one girl to be careful, as she narrowly missed jumping on another girl.
Anyway, what does jumping in have to do with drowning??

They then started watching the water, sort of.

I left when they started the party games (and got out of the damn pool) and party mum rubbed my arm and said "we'll look after her."

So MN jury, tell me, am I as paranoid as party mum and her friends seem to think?

So as not to be drip feeding, I will also tell you a friend's DD drowned last year. But I honestly think I would still feel this way, even if that hadn't happened.
Also DD is not pfb.

OP posts:
Sarcalogos · 10/03/2012 07:42

Yadnbu. Shock. I would have done the same.

CoffeeDog · 10/03/2012 07:42

16 x 12 year olds in a pool and no one watching...

I would have stayed too....

Threeprinces · 10/03/2012 07:42

How old is dd?

Sarcalogos · 10/03/2012 07:43

unless your daughter is over about 12, then not so much, but assumed you meant young child

reddaisy · 10/03/2012 07:43

How old are they?

troisgarcons · 10/03/2012 07:44

How old are they?

And when you say pool party its a houre wit ha pool? So abroad? is it a culture where children are in and out of water all day long and are little fishes? (For all I know you could be the wife of the ambasador to Polynesia! Grin)

But I have to comment that you left when you were unhappy about supervision therefore YABU. Not because of your OP but because you weren't comfortable with safetly arrangements but left anyway.

DonInKillerHeels · 10/03/2012 07:44

Well, it kind of depends how old they are. If they're teenagers then it's a bit U, but if they are younger than that then YADNBU. You can drown in minutes.

Original poster
Condensedmilk · 10/03/2012 07:45

It was a mix of ages really. Party girl turning 10. DD is 9.
There were also a couple of 12 year olds and a couple of very young kids - about 6 I would guess.

OP posts:
secondaryfool · 10/03/2012 07:47

I wouldn't be concerned. I stopped watching DS when he turned 4 (depending if other kids or adults were around, type of pool etc.). If something happened, one of the 16 (!) children would help or allert party mum immediately. The jumping thing even happens when someone (qualified) is watching, get that all the time in our local swimming pools...

buttonmoon78 · 10/03/2012 07:48

YANBU.

Unless they're all adults then supervision is absolutely necessary. That's why life guards are employed in public pools. Even when it is just adults!

The age thing is a bit of a red herring IMO. 16 x 15 year olds have the propensity to get very silly very quickly and accidents can happen. If we had a pool I wouldn't want dcs to use it unsupervised and I'm normally not risk averse in any way.

Maybe we're all coloured by our experiences though - I saw someone die in a swimming pool once and I grew up by the sea in a tourist area so there were always dozy town people getting into trouble in the water, not realising that the sea can be very dangerous.

Haziedoll · 10/03/2012 07:48

I would have stayed. They sound like horrible people actually.

Seona1973 · 10/03/2012 07:52

kids are allowed to go swimming alone from age 8 here so i wouldnt have stayed if my kids were over that age. The 6 year olds should probably be supervised but not the others

SilentBoob · 10/03/2012 07:52

Oh my god, how terrifying.

I had a pool party for dd last year; I specified that parents should stay (and put out lots of seating, coffees, cakes etc) AND I hired 2 life guards AND dh took the afternoon off with the sole job of watching our two specifically so I could flit about doing party things.

AND I still worried about it.

buttonmoon78 · 10/03/2012 07:57

secondary my uncle nearly drowned last year. He's diabetic and had a hypo in the pool. We all thought he was messing about. And we're adults! You can't expect 6-12 year olds to be responsible for the safety of other children.

squeakytoy · 10/03/2012 08:01

I had a pool party for dd last year; I specified that parents should stay (and put out lots of seating, coffees, cakes etc) AND I hired 2 life guards AND dh took the afternoon off with the sole job of watching our two specifically so I could flit about doing party things

you hired two life guards??? is that not a tad OTT??

Voidka · 10/03/2012 08:01

YANBU.

JustGettingByMum · 10/03/2012 08:02

I have just booked a pool party for my DD's 11th birthday next month. The centre will provide life guards to watch & supervise - it's included in the cost. I can't understand why there were no lifeguards present at the party your DD attended - and I think yavdnbu. I would have stayed too

Birnamwood · 10/03/2012 08:04

I would have stayed especially after I learned on mn that a drowning person doesn't actually look like they're drowning. Read this. Scary.

Sarcalogos · 10/03/2012 08:05

I would have hired the lifeguards but then not worried about the parents staying.

Having in my youth been a lifeguard, I've seen enough near misses, and watched enough training videos to know that children shouldn't be left unsupervised.

And whatever 'culture' you are in, kids drowning is not generally thought to be desirable, so I wouldn't have cared if 'everyone else let's them'.

bagelmonkey · 10/03/2012 08:07

YANBU
It doesn't take long to drown. Whilst all the other children are screeching and having fun, nobody will notice the child sinking under the water.

youarekidding · 10/03/2012 08:12

YANBU. My local pool lets children swim alone from 8yo but there are 2 lifeguards.

There should always be someone watching from the side - when youare in the pool playing you are not watching other swimmers.

LizzieMo · 10/03/2012 08:16

All the pool parties we have been to there has been a stipulation of a certain ratio of children to adults in the water. The host is usually responsible for twisting the arms of fellow parents to get them in the water with the kids. I would have stayed under the circumstances you mention. YANBU

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 10/03/2012 08:18

As an ex-lifeguard that age of children unsupervised in a pool would've made me stay too. Drowning is silent and quick, experiences adult swimmers can get into difficulties very quickly and unexpectedly, most of the people I've had to pull out in my career have been adults. Maybe if I hadn't worked in pools and on the beach I'd be more laid back about it but I'm not, even now I can never fully relax on the beach.

PeppaIsBack · 10/03/2012 08:18

I don't understand. Where was the pool? Was it from your local sport centre or a private one (in a home?).
As far as I know, public swimming baths always have a life guard there but you need to be in the pool if the child is under 8yo.
Private is obviouly a different issue.

If this was private, I think that the youngest children should have been watched out. Mostly because I assume that there was some areas where they couldn't touch the bottom and they were probably not strong swimmers.
12yo certainly did not need supervision (unless they didn't know how to swim).
9~10yo I would be OK if I was sure they all knew how to swim correctly.

I really don't think that swimming should be treasted as a dangerous activity per se. More that, with that many children together, there is a need for supervision as it can goes out of hand easily.
I also imagine that if parents left the dcs, they all thought their own dcs were strong swimmers and didn't need particular supervision.

fannybaws · 10/03/2012 08:18

Yanbu at all, people have no imagination when it comes to water, my sister has a pool they had a family stay who were very relaxed about safety.
Three weeks after their visit thier child drowned and was resuscitated in their own pool.
He is now brain damaged and will need care for the rest of his life.
Very interesting video on silent drowning linked to on here a few months ago, will try to find it.
What's more if a child had died or been injured during the party the host may well be open to prosecution.