AIBU to think if you have a pool party you should supervise the children?

[Condensedmilk]

Just left a birthday party.
When I arrived, there were 12 children in the pool with no one watching.
I was shocked and didn't feel comfortable leaving DD there. I felt I had to stay.
Four more kids then arrived, so 16 in the pool all together.
Party mum was in the kitchen and after 20 minutes she came out and was a bit put out when she realised I was sitting by the pool. I explained, nicely, that I always watch DD in water.

One of her friends (party mum also had two friends there - neither were watching the pool) asked me sarcastically if DD couldn't swim.
I said she could, but with that many people in the pool, I felt uncomfortable without supervision.
She gave me The Look.
Party mum then said they have a "no jump" policy meaning they are not allowed to jump in. This was rubbish, as kids were jumping in all over the place and I had to tell one girl to be careful, as she narrowly missed jumping on another girl.
Anyway, what does jumping in have to do with drowning??

They then started watching the water, sort of.

I left when they started the party games (and got out of the damn pool) and party mum rubbed my arm and said "we'll look after her."

So MN jury, tell me, am I as paranoid as party mum and her friends seem to think?

So as not to be drip feeding, I will also tell you a friend's DD drowned last year. But I honestly think I would still feel this way, even if that hadn't happened.
Also DD is not pfb.

IIRC a young boy drowned at a swimming party thrown for one of Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson's DS's. His parents sent him with a nanny who left part way through the party. This involved a younger child, but still.

YANBU for staying. It was completely irresponsible for the party parents to even consider throwing a swimming party if they don't intend to supervise it. You can't anticipate how silly a group of children can get when they are together, even ones that are otherwise sensible.

"kids are allowed to go swimming alone from age 8 here"

With no adult supervision at all?

How irresponsible is that!

Where is "here"?

Your child. Your responsibility.

I don't know if this will work - never tried to post a YouTube vid from iPhone before. If it doesn't, google 'North Wales silent drowning' and you should get it.

This was in a pool full of people and with 4 lifeguards watching - thank fuck for modern technology or this 13 year old would be dead.

OP, YANBU. People need to educate themselves about silent drowning. And stop thinking that what the movies show is real.

oh my goodness I dont think you should leave a group of kids of that age unsupervised at any kind of event let alone a pool party

I have been a guider for more years than Ilike to admit and its all too easy for accidents to happen when the girl are all hyper.

To me you need enough adults at these kind of events so that if you are busy in the kitchen and god forbid one of them falls and breaks a limb.. bangs theirr head etc there is someone who can deal with the child and their parent, someone to keep the rest of the kids calm and someone that can still be in the kitchen to do food etc

OTT ??? maybe but its always in my head .. this is the most precious thing in someone else's life so I need to be really sure they are safe

Better to wonder if you were BU to stay than to be on here lamenting the fact that you didn't...

Those women sound horrible and patronising btw!

Dallas that was on TV this week

Think should have been at least one adult watching to essentially make sure kids don't get too rough, a 12 year old jumping on top of a 6 year old could cause serious injury and kids get dafter with increasing numbers.

Think the mum had a casual attitude and yanbu but sensible, you probably embarrassed her tbh and serve her right.

YANBU

The mum sounds like a complete arse. If she wants to neglect her DC's that is her prerogative but to neglect other people's? I'm shocked Tbh.

yanbu.

I wouldn't place bets on any of the other kids (even if they were adults) being able to tell another child was drowning.

Remember that drowning doesn't look like drowning.

An adult (preferably a trained one!) who is not swimming or in the pool should always be supervising.

without exception.

Ahh dottyspotty, Reading your post made me think of mine - didn't imagine it was the same one!

Hopefully a lot more people have seen it in that case then. I only knew about it because a friend is a lifeguard in N Wales.

Just shows how easily it happens

secondary did you say you stop supervising at age FOUR?????

YANBU at all.

I live in California and drownings are serious business and being able to swim and being 'old enough' have NOTHING to do with it.

IME the more people in the pool, the less likely the others are to notice if someone is in trouble.

They should have thanked you. Idiots.

pool????? party or not??? Children should be supervised at all times. Even if my 14 yr old is in our pool alone, i am out there! What happens if they hit their head or something? If there are others there, that is different, but children and pools do not mix

Bunbaker - our local pools (scotland) allow children over 8 to go swimming with no adult. Of course there will be lifeguards on duty to watch out for them. I imagine most pools have the same rules

Our local pool allow eight year-olds too. But they have to pass a swim test each and every time (which also has the benefit of meaning they talk to the lifeguards to organise it, so the lifeguards know they are there). I don't think they are allowed in the deep diving pool though, like this girl was. There are different coloured bands for different tests, so I think the band the eight-year-olds get would disallow them from that pool.

YaNbu op.

birmawood thanks for link. Scary and I never knew

YANBU.

I would not leave any children in a pool unattended. My 7 and 6 year old can both swim well but it only takes a slip and a bump and they would be in trouble. I would probably have stayed.

OTT or not I didn't allow playdates when they were younger at friends houses with pools without me because 1) they couldn't swim 2) I've seen older children open pool gates and little ones slip through 3) some parents aren't as worried by the danger.

Gated doesn't = totally safe either. A few dinner parties have proved this.

I worry at one of the schools I work at. The sports building has a swimming pool. Children sometimes leave the sports hall for the drinks fountain and the toilet. They need to make sure the doors are locked.

There's a big difference between an 8 year old swimming unsupervised, and an 8 year old swimming in a pool with a lifeguard.

"I live in California and drownings are serious business"

I know. OH's cousin used to live in California and her 6 year old daughter drowned in their swimming pool.

ltevedallas thank you so much for that link. It made me very emotional and weepy.

I was in a swimming and diving club in my younger days. I was about the age of the girl in that video, around 13, and was in a supervised group practising diving from the boards. An idiot girl on the board above me didn't check the entry area was clear, did her dive, and landed smack on top of my head as I was coming back up to the surface. I passed out and sank to the bottom. Luckily my coach was in the water in seconds and got me out. I don't remember it, only the horrible feeling of coming round and being violently sick.

That was a club supervised session of young teenagers, and an accident still happened.

OP of course Yanbu.

YANBU my dd who is nearly 9 went to our local pool for a fun session, she got stuck under a float that other children were playing around and on, thankfully she is a confident swimmer and managed to free herself. The lifeguards never even noticed what had happened.

I now stay and watch from the observation area, it only takes seconds for something to go wrong.