AIBU to think if you have a pool party you should supervise the children?

[Condensedmilk]

Just left a birthday party.
When I arrived, there were 12 children in the pool with no one watching.
I was shocked and didn't feel comfortable leaving DD there. I felt I had to stay.
Four more kids then arrived, so 16 in the pool all together.
Party mum was in the kitchen and after 20 minutes she came out and was a bit put out when she realised I was sitting by the pool. I explained, nicely, that I always watch DD in water.

One of her friends (party mum also had two friends there - neither were watching the pool) asked me sarcastically if DD couldn't swim.
I said she could, but with that many people in the pool, I felt uncomfortable without supervision.
She gave me The Look.
Party mum then said they have a "no jump" policy meaning they are not allowed to jump in. This was rubbish, as kids were jumping in all over the place and I had to tell one girl to be careful, as she narrowly missed jumping on another girl.
Anyway, what does jumping in have to do with drowning??

They then started watching the water, sort of.

I left when they started the party games (and got out of the damn pool) and party mum rubbed my arm and said "we'll look after her."

So MN jury, tell me, am I as paranoid as party mum and her friends seem to think?

So as not to be drip feeding, I will also tell you a friend's DD drowned last year. But I honestly think I would still feel this way, even if that hadn't happened.
Also DD is not pfb.

Birnamwood beat me to it

The big difference between public swimming or the beach and a private pool party is that you know the people there. You should know if one has some sort of health problem or has some issues with swimming and are more likely to get into trouble.
If you know that there is nothing like this going on, I would certainly not be worried.
I would be worried about children become a bit too 'rough' as they get over excited rather than obe drowning iyswim.

YANBU, home swimming pools kill children all the time - lone toddlers but also teens.

YANBU was a programme on the other night where a pool had state of the art alarms installed a teenage girl just dropped to the bottom alarms went off she was saved the lifeguards called it silent drowning.

Wow, I agree, on the face of it that is very irresponsible. Makes me feel a bit ill to think about the implications of it actually.

All it took was for a 12 year old to accidentally knock a 6 year old and hey presto .... Dead. It happens that easily sometimes and you are so not being unreasonable. The other woman was being IMO a lazy bitch. The implications of her actions are unimaginable.

Well, now you've clarified that your DD is 9, then I think the host was being totally irresponsible, and you are absolutely in the right to be angry.

As an ex lifeguard and loads of years teaching swimming, I think you were absolutely right to be angry and like you, I would have stayed to watch the kids. You can't see when somebody has gone under if you are in the water, so you need somebody on the side watching. This can happen at any age but a bunch of kids jumping in and playing its absolutely essential.
In a public pool it would be illegal not to have a lifeguard. At a home pool, you might not need a lifeguard but at least a sensible adult watching all the time. Drowning can be very quick.

No you're not being the slightest bit unreasonable. Even if they're of an age where they might be supposed to be "sensible", with all the excitement and high jinks of a party added to the mix it would get correspondingly more dangerous. And yes, you can drown in a crowd.

OP, you sound the only sane adult there.

Ok thanks all.

And just to clarify, it was a private pool - at party host's home.

YADNBU and actually it is appalling. I think I would probably take my child and leave. And she is a strong swimmer. But that means next to nothing when they are arsing around in the pool at a party. Only takes a bumped head or an unseen slip as I suspect you know. I think when you have witnessed/known someone who has drowned, it really hits home how easily it happens.

Actually I am shocked by how much ignorance there is about drowning still. Oh they'll be okay just doesn't wash. It is nothing to do with being neurotic and everything to do with being realistic and responsible.

I would have been mortified to have had my mother hanging out of me in front of my friends at nine. Your poor daughter.

Parent's hover over their kids to much. What's necessary with babies and toddlers should not be with older children. They need to be allowed to grow up.

YANBU

And accidents happen are most likely where there are adults are around but no-one in particular is watching "because someone else is bound to be". Classic "diffusion of responsibility" scenario.

bobbledunk. Nine year olds aren't always the best judge of what's safe even though they think they are the best judge of what is "cool".

Party mum should have been supervising

Bobbledunk there is a big difference between hanging around at a pool party because of inadequate supervision than staying at a bowling alley for example.

My uncle drowned at 6 years old, my brother was rescued from a pool at 6 years old. If the op felt that the situation was unsafe she had a duty to stay.

exactly bobble they need to be allowed to grow up.

Rather important to be alive then dont you think?

Actually I think if you have any kind of party you should supervise the children, though more obviously at a pool party.
I am surprised how many responses on here are a bit casual about a group of children in a pool with no lifeguard nor even an unqualified adult keeping watch.
I would have stayed for the whole party or taken my child home.
Have done that in fact at parties where large numbers of small children were jumping on a bouncy castle while all the adults sat inside chatting.

Absolutely should be at least one adult watching at all times from the side. And properly watching, not chatting, doing drinks, going inside etc. otherwise is irresponsible, negligent.

I would have stayed and watched, don't care if uncool. Would rather that than be dragging a child out from the bottom, unconscious or worse.

lifeguard tend to do shifts of 1/2 hour on and 1/2 off just because drowning incidents happen so quickly and then need to concentrate (and its dead boring so easy to become distracted)
Most adults who drown can swim. They drown because they get a knock on their head, cramp, that sort of thing. We used to go midnight skinny dipping when in my teens/twenties and under the influence of alchohol in the sea. I always insisted one person watched just in case!

YADNBU. What stupidly dangerous people.

Of course kids should be supervised in a pool.

Never question you're inner Mum and listen to that little voice.