Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not be sure about leaving my new baby next Friday to go on anight out?

59 replies

Babycameearly · 09/03/2012 20:30

Genuine dilema - my baby is 5 and a half weeks, was born 5 weeks premature and has spent nearly 4 weeks in hospital (2 in scbu, then came home, then in childrens ward - we will hopefully be going home tomorrow).

My lovely, well meaning (childless if that matters?) friend has arranged a night out for my birthday next weekend but I'm not sure if I'll be ready to go out and leave my babay (with his daddy). She thinks I'm being a tad precious (and I'm willing to admit that I probably am).

What do you think - am I being precious? friend thinks I should make time for myself but I'm not sure if it's just too early for me? I also still feel a bit naff about my post C section body!

OP posts:

dinkystinkyandveryverybored · 09/03/2012 20:32

If she's a good friend, she'll understand you're not ready yet - postpone it for a few weeks, tell her you'd prefer a night in with a dvd and some wine/chocs instead. You and your baby have been through alot - you need a nice peaceful spell at home now.

HalfPastWine · 09/03/2012 20:33

There is no rush is there so if you don't feel up to going then don't go and don't feel pressured to go either. You could end up not enjoying the evening because you're worrying. I'm sure when the time is right you'll go out feeling confident both in the knowledge you're baby is safe and well and that you feel confident in your appearance.

Areallytiredwoman · 09/03/2012 20:33

You are not being precious - if it doesn't feel right, it isn't right.

grumpydwarf · 09/03/2012 20:33

You are the only person who can tell you if you are ready to leave your baby. I wasn't ready to leave until my DS was 2 months and then only for 3 hours but others are ready earlier.

I would say if you are going to worry all night is it worth going? Do not be bullied into going if you dont feel ready esp with a preemie.

Pseudo341 · 09/03/2012 20:34

YANBU, don't go out if you're not ready, you won't enjoy it if you spend the whole evening worrying. It's up to you when you're ready to go out, I think your friend's got a bit of a cheek telling you you're being precious when you're dealing with a premature newborn.

Flisspaps · 09/03/2012 20:34

You are not being precious. Whilst your friend obviously means well and has the best of intentions, she won't understand the hormonal pull that you have to your baby. When you've waited so long to get him home and finally be a family, it's even less surprising that you don't want to go out and leave him!

If you don't want to leave your baby then don't. I didn't leave DD with anyone (including her grandparents) until she was about 8mo and even then it was only for 20 minutes. It took me months to leave her with DH (not 8 though) and even then I only walked to the library and back.

Your friend, if she is a true friend, will at least pretend to understand!

jodidi · 09/03/2012 20:35

I wouldn't be going out and leaving a baby that age personally. I'm sure if she's a good friend she will understand that you aren't ready. Would it be possible to go somewhere the baby would be welcome too? Or invite people to your house?

AgentZigzag · 09/03/2012 20:35

It doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks you're being precious or not, don't be swayed by anyone elses opinion of what they think you should be doing! (including on here )

If you don't feel up to it, say it to your friend.

Maybe offer to have a night in at yours with your DH still looking after your DC?

QueenOfFlippingEverything · 09/03/2012 20:36

Not at all precious. No way would I have gone. I wouldn't have been physically or emotionally ready for it at 5 weeks post-birth.

LittlePandaBear · 09/03/2012 20:36

YANBU! You've only had your baby home for a week or so - I'm sure you've had plenty of nights out in the past and will have plenty again. Wait until you're ready, you've been through a lot!

AThingInYourLife · 09/03/2012 20:37

There's a weird thing where people are very keen that new mothers go out and leave their babies behind, even when they don't want to.

Quite a lot of pressure can be brought to bear, and the idea is that the people doing the browbeating are being thoughtful and kind, rather than bossy and overbearing.

There is no way I would be leaving a baby that is just out of hospital to go out for my birthday.

When you are ready to leave the baby, you'll know because you'll be really excited about the idea of going out.

And guess what? There's no rush.

Maybe it will be next year before you feel ready. And that's completely fine.

ThreeForTea · 09/03/2012 20:38

You just have to do what you think feels right. Could you do a lunch or afternoon tea and take baby too?

alorsmum · 09/03/2012 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Babycameearly · 09/03/2012 20:39

Thanks ladies - I feel awful as she's trying hard to organise a nice evening for me but most Mums don't leave their babies for a while - I already had to leave mine in scbu when he was a few days old (I was discharged, no room for parents to stay - luckily I've been able to stay with him during this hospital stay) and it absolutely broke my heart... think it's hard for her to understand the pull and she just thinks that I should leave him with his dad so that his dad can 'do his share'...

OP posts:

DilysPrice · 09/03/2012 20:40

If you want to go, then go. If you don't, then explain to mate, who I'm sure is lovely, if clueless, and postpone.
Either way, have a great birthday with the best present ever.

RandomMess · 09/03/2012 20:40

Nope you're not being precious you've been through a hugely physical and emotional time - you've not even got home and adjusted to coping with that yet.

I was out there very quickly after having mine but if you don't feel ready yet you're not - it's very early days indeed!!!!

MrsS1980 · 09/03/2012 20:41

My DS is 8 months and I have still not had a girls night out as I am still BF and worry about getting completely wasted and staying out all night having a few drinks in case he wakes up and needs a feed. No way I would have even considered it at 5 weeks!

Kayano · 09/03/2012 20:41

I have a nearly 3 week old and just today was like 'who will take my baby so I can go see the hunger games at the cinema?'

Lol

However. Everyone and their babies are all different and you have to do what feels right for you. My DH made me go for a coffee for a few hours with my mum the other day for the first time and it was so difficult. If I wasn't ready I would have said no thank you knowing my mum and DH would understand without question.

Which is what your friend should do

LydiaWickham · 09/03/2012 20:42

Not precious - if you want to give a little white lie rather than get into a conversation about when you're prepared to leave your baby etc, you could say your CSection cut is still sore (laying on about the fact you are still under 6 weeks so not able to drive yet), that it's a major op and while some people spring back from it, it seems you're still recovering. Tell her it won't be much fun for you in pain etc etc.

Anyway, to put it in perspective, at 6 weeks I had all of 40 minutes away from DS having a wax, I hated it, I didn't want an evening out until he was about 4 months old. (and we did have both a baby that went into an easy routine meaning I had from 7pm - 11pm without him needing a feed, and willing grandparents to sit for free, just didn't want to)

sharenicely · 09/03/2012 20:42

What ? You're not even home from hospital and she's arranging a night out? God no way would I agree to that. From my experience of a prem baby you'll be feeding every 2hours for a long time and will be knackered.
I think my ds was nearly 2 before I could even contemplate a night out but I understand that is a bit extreme !
Stay home and enjoy your baby, you are allowed to be anxious after having a prem baby.

AgentZigzag · 09/03/2012 20:44

Your friend sounds like she's doing it for the best reasons OP

I'm sure you could find a way to tell her you know she's trying to make you feel better but something else would feel more comfortable for you at the min.

LydiaWickham · 09/03/2012 20:45

Just meant to add - I've found that people who don't seem to understand the mother/baby bond and not wanting to be away from them, can usually understand "recovering from an op" if you spell it out to them although it's a common op it's still a op that needs to be recovered from like any other.

sharenicely · 09/03/2012 20:47

Also if your baby was 5 weeks prem then he/she will only be 1 week old by their adjusted age. It is awful having to leave them in hospital so i would be treasuring every moment if I were you.
I think if your friend had dc's of her own she may be a little more understanding.

DilysPrice · 09/03/2012 20:47

Kayano, you need to find a Watch With Baby club ASAP.

Original poster

Babycameearly · 09/03/2012 20:50

Feeling much better about probably saing 'thanks but not yet' now. Only thing is - she's been through a tough time recently - she's split from a long term partner and I'd usually be a sounding board / support to her but obviously I've not been around as much so think she's just desperate for a night out too. Hopefully she'll understand!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3