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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be sure about leaving my new baby next Friday to go on anight out?

59 replies

Babycameearly · 09/03/2012 20:30

Genuine dilema - my baby is 5 and a half weeks, was born 5 weeks premature and has spent nearly 4 weeks in hospital (2 in scbu, then came home, then in childrens ward - we will hopefully be going home tomorrow).

My lovely, well meaning (childless if that matters?) friend has arranged a night out for my birthday next weekend but I'm not sure if I'll be ready to go out and leave my babay (with his daddy). She thinks I'm being a tad precious (and I'm willing to admit that I probably am).

What do you think - am I being precious? friend thinks I should make time for myself but I'm not sure if it's just too early for me? I also still feel a bit naff about my post C section body!

OP posts:
anewyear · 09/03/2012 20:51

Nope, dont even think about lunch, drinks, night out, if your not ready.
My 2nd DS was 5wks prem, was a big baby, but then I had GD, ie suger turns to fat, big baby, 8lb 15oz could have been worse !! Grin

didnt do too much for a few months, but then that suited me!!

alorsmum · 09/03/2012 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curiositykitten · 09/03/2012 20:53

Not unreasonable at all. If you're not ready, you're not ready.

Fingers crossed for getting home tomorrow!

solidgoldbrass · 09/03/2012 20:55

People who don't have DC of their own often find it hard to understand, as well. FWIW I went out with mates when DS was a fortnight old and had a good time, but it really is up to you to do what feels best for you. Gently steer your mate towards other mates if you think she needs some TLC of her own.

Amymac · 09/03/2012 21:03

If you want to go go if not don't. Maybe she can come around to you instead? She needs to understand your baby needs you more and is more important than any night out.
Congrats on you new baby by the way and glad you all home fine.
Oh and don't feel bad about whatever decision you make, she'll get over it.
x

DialsMavis · 09/03/2012 21:08

You absolutely should not be guilted into going if you don't want to. But, of you do feel like it, go and enjoy yourself! You have been through a lot and the baby will be with his father Smile

yousankmybattleship · 09/03/2012 21:08

You are not being precious at all. There is no way I would have left my baby so early on and I think most women who have had a baby would understand that. I'm sure your friend is only being kind, but you're going to have to explain to her that you just aren't ready. Maybe she could come to you with a bottle of wine instead?

Original poster
Babycameearly · 09/03/2012 21:46

Think I'll try to explain that I'm probably not going to be ready - fingers crossed she'll understand :)

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 09/03/2012 21:55

Personally I would go - well I did go when ds was four weeks old. Went for big night out then stayed over at my bfs (30th bday).

It didn't worry me to leave ds as he was with his dad.

That said, I agree with everyone else on here. Your feelings, your decision, your baby, your life. You have to feel comfortable with it.

If you say no, I would keep it v simple and not be overly apologetic or go on about all your reasons for not wanting to leave the baby as it's a bit boring for people without dc let's be honest!!

Have fun whatever you decide to do for your birthday!

JarethTheGoblinKing · 09/03/2012 22:00

If he had been born at term he'd be a few days old. If he was as stubborn as DS then he wouldn't have even been born yet.

You are NOT being precious by saying you don't want to go out. I managed a short night out when DS was almost 4 weeks old because it was Christmas and it was OK, but not ideal!

Don't do it, and suggest to your lovely, well-meaning friend that you do a birthday thing in a few weeks when you feel up to it :)

Moominsarescary · 09/03/2012 22:01

Yanbu it sounds like you've had a rough time of it, my ds3 was born 8 weeks early and spent 10 days inhospital. It was a long time before I was comfortable leaving him and then it was with my mum for an hour while we were doing the shopping.

If your not comfortable yet don't do it.

Original poster
Babycameearly · 09/03/2012 22:02

Thanks Proudnscary - I understand the need for a break etc :)

The thing is I've already had so much enforced time away from my little boy that I'm not sure I want to be away from him. We've been so scared that we were going to lose him and I missed him so much when he was in scbu.

I'm more than aware that other peoples' babies are a bit boring - tbh I'm not really a baby person - everyone was really surprised when I announced we were having one! Lol :)

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 09/03/2012 22:13

Blimey I was too knackered to go out until mine was about eight months old, don't know how you lot managed it.

midori1999 · 09/03/2012 22:55

I left DS2 with my Grandparents at my home for a few hours at 2 weeks old to go out for New Years. I felt absolutely fine about it. In contrast, I wouldn't let DC 4 out of my sight for about 3 months, let alone for a night out! She is now 8 1/2 months and I've left her twice with DH and once with my Mum so DH and I could attend a works function. I just felt no need to leave her before then and still don't most of the time.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is do What you feel is right and if your friend is a good one, she'll understand.

Shushshessleeping · 09/03/2012 23:09

I couldn't leave mine that young and he was prem too although didn't need scbu thankfully. You've been through a really rough time, I think your friend would understand you not feeling up to it. Plus your priorities and pleasures change when you become a mum.

I'd be honest and tell her sooner rather than later.

bigbird80 · 10/03/2012 09:15

I didn't leave DS1 for a night out until he was 9 mths! YADNBU. It is not natural for mommas to leave their infants when they are so young.We humans would be extinct if mothers left their babies for prolonged periods of time. Technology ( ie formula and bottles) has allowed us to do it in the last century but our basic instinct, to be close to our young, has not changed. Invite your friend around instead.

pinkyp · 10/03/2012 09:17

Yanbu - perhaps arrange a meal / coffe in the afternoon for a hour or 2 instead rather than a big night?

birdsofshoreandsea · 10/03/2012 09:22

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gumby · 10/03/2012 09:26

How did you lot manage to go out?!
I was cluster feeding all night til about 2 months!!

squeakytoy · 10/03/2012 09:30

YANBU, but it is about if YOU are ok to go out.. most of my mates cant wait to have a night out once they have had the baby, even if it is just a few drinks in the local pub. The baby would be absolutely fine with his Dad for a couple of hours.

Original poster
Babycameearly · 10/03/2012 10:03

Hmmm - don't think she's impressed - she thinks I need to take time out and put myself first. She seems to think that his dad should be pulling his weight by looking after him (my dp was a bit of a disappointment support wise during my pregnancy but has been amazing since the birth) but I'm not sure I'll be ready even though I know his dad will cope brilliantly with him...

OP posts:
birdsofshoreandsea · 10/03/2012 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flisspaps · 10/03/2012 10:23

I'd tell her (rather pointedly) that my DH has been pulling his weight, that actually I would much rather spend my time with my baby and DH being a family after having waited so long to get him home instead of going out on an evening that would be wasted on missing my baby.

Putting yourself first means doing what you want to do, and not what she wants you do do.

But then, tact and diplomacy aren't exactly my strong points.

It sounds to me as though she's missing her sounding board!

lucidlady · 10/03/2012 10:32

Agree with Flisspaps - putting yourself first definitely means doing what YOU want to do, and not letting yourself be guilt-tripped into doing what she wants to do.

lolajane2009 · 10/03/2012 10:39

yanbu, it took me months to even let my hubby take him from me out of the house and i have only left with his grandparents this week (he is 6 months old) and only then for three hours