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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To now not want to go??

74 replies

curiousgeorgie · 08/03/2012 19:43

After a horrible two weeks (had a miscarriage, been really down) my DH booked a suprise trip away for me and him this weekend leaving tomorrow...

He's just told me to pack for 20ish degrees and we'll be leaving in the morning.

We have a 16mo DD and DH had arranged for my parents to look after her for the weekend, but my mum was unable to get today or monday off of work at such short notice so DH had asked his dad if she could spend friday morning there, then my mum will collect her, drop her off on her way to work on monday morning and we will pick her up monday about midday.

But his mum has just called asking about what time our flight is and what time she will have to get up. DH told her we will drop DD off around 7.30 (with my mum collecting her at 1) and from his side of the conversation it didn't sound positive. I heard him saying 'Are you not happy to have her then?' and 'She usually sleeps till about 8.30 so maybe she'll stay asleep' and then.. 'if we bring the travelcot you can put her in it like a playpen'. (She has her own cot at my mums)

Now I just feel like she doesn't really want her there, and the likelihood is she'll spend much of the morning sitting miserable in a travelcot. My mum would have to drop her off there about 8 on monday morning to get to work so I feel like she's looking at 2 mornings like this!

It's not nice to have to think that she'll be spending time somewhere she's not wanted.

I've told DH I don't want to go and he has gone crazy.

AIBU?? WWYD?

OP posts:
TartyMcFarty · 08/03/2012 19:45

I wouldn't go, personally. But your DH will probably get the hump.

SkivingAgain · 08/03/2012 19:48

I'm sure you're MIL will not be able to actually resist being lovely to her GD and she won't be somewhere she's not wanted.

Go and have a lovely break, you deserve it.

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 19:53

He is so trying bless him and sounds very caring and thoughtful and go and try and have a lovely time it will be great to talk to each other about how you feel and iron out any probs. GO GO GO !!!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 08/03/2012 19:56

YABU!

HuwEdwards · 08/03/2012 19:58

Go.

Yes his mum might be giving him a hard time about this, but unless she's shown complete disinterest in your DD previously, then GO!!

amistillsexy · 08/03/2012 20:05

I agree with others that MIL won't be able to resist having fun with your DD, but even if she does decide to put her in a play pen and let her play alone, it won't really do dd any harm.

My mum did similar with my boys, when they were that age. She didn't have the energy to run after them all day and her house wasn't set up for toddlers. It worried her. They would go and spend most of the day sitting in a high chair while she did her jobs and chatted to them. They all absolutely adore her and it hasn't done them any harm at all.

Go on your weekend break and enjoy it. Your DD will be fine.

PicaK · 08/03/2012 20:12

Go. She will be fine. Sounds like a grandma just worrying to me and a frustrated son with a short temper (understandable) responding shortly to that.

Go. Put yourself first for once. After my mc we ran away too - it gave us the space we needed to talk. You still have all the crap to deal with when u get back but you can do it from a stronger position. Be kind to yourself - your little one will be fine.

AThingInYourLife · 08/03/2012 20:12

I wouldn't go, under the circumstances.

I couldn't leave such a young toddler with someone who clearly didn't want to care for them and I wouldn't enjoy myself knowing that's what I'd done.

FlossieTeacakeShouldFakeIt · 08/03/2012 20:14

YANBU, but your dd will be fine and you should go. If you would have been happy to leave your dd with mil before overhearing this, then you know really that mil loves her GC and will take good care of her.

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 20:15

My mum would always have my girls and not son untill I had it out she had with her [I am only one a girl] and she just said did not know what to do ?? All will be well she is hardly going to neglect her DGC

Original poster
curiousgeorgie · 08/03/2012 20:17

She doesn't go there a lot, if I had planned the trip I would have asked one of my friends or my sister in law before I would ask my DH's parents.

I'm not saying anything about how they ususally are with her, they're great, but not used to it really.

But i've text two friends who occasionally look after her and who she is close to, and Dsil, but they all have to work tomorrow, though two of them said they would have her monday...

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 08/03/2012 20:17

"she is hardly going to neglect her DGC"

Hmm

Yeah, because that's never happened.

weevilswobble · 08/03/2012 20:20

I think you're reading the wrong things into the half of the conversation you heard. Your MIL was probably just asking lots of questions so she can get fully clued up on everything so that she can do a good job. She did bring DH up didnt she? She knows its a long while since she had responsibility for a LO so its all buzzing around her head, when, what, which etc etc.
Stop fretting and allow your kind and thoughtful DH to look after you. It'll all be absolutely fine. Smile

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 20:22

Athing ... would that ever happen ??? OMG !!

AThingInYourLife · 08/03/2012 20:24

None of us know anything about this woman, how can you possibly assure the OP that she won't neglect her grandchild?

Grandmothers have been known to.

I wouldn't be leaving a young toddler with someone who had made it clear they didn't want them.

If I couldn't organise adequate childcare with someone who was looking forward to having my child, I wouldn't go.

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 20:27

As I said before my dear dear Mother was just apprehensive OP help me out is your MIL generally a psycho from hell !! How is she in general with kids

Darleneconnor · 08/03/2012 20:29

Go

AThingInYourLife · 08/03/2012 20:29

Apprehensive, unwilling, child-hating or otherwise, I wouldn't leave a young toddler with someone who didn't want to look after them and had made that clear.

helenthemadex · 08/03/2012 20:31

I would not presume that MIL doesnt want dd there, it could well be that she is asking for more information about her routine and what is normal for her

go you deserve the break and what a lovely dh you have to be so thoughtful

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 20:32

AThing sorry but you are so negative -apprehensive I would guess and scary for her after so many child free years but child hating OMG I am amiss as to your thoughts!! Dear opening post go and your MIL and her GC will have a lovely closer bond as ever!!

dreamingbohemian · 08/03/2012 20:34

But she hasn't made that clear

The OP didn't even hear exactly what she said! She could have just been nervous as she's not used to taking care of her often.

I'm sure it will be fine. It's natural to worry but it sounds like you really need a break.

whostolemyname · 08/03/2012 20:38

YANBU. I wouldn't want to go either, especially 2 weeks after a MC.

imnotmymum · 08/03/2012 20:40

This sounds great I have had a MC and could not think of anything better than getting away and talking rather than battling on and all coming to a head randomly .

PurpleCrazyHorse · 08/03/2012 20:43

If you're unsure, why don't you give her a ring and find out what she has to stay. My PIL were very anxious about having DD and I had to write out a whole schedule for her (she wasn't really on a routine!) as they had no idea and simply couldn't remember. They're probably worried about your DD getting hurt in their house if it's not very child friendly, hence the playpen idea.

I think you'll judge the situation better by having a chat with her before making up your mind.

Snakeonaplane · 08/03/2012 20:44

Go, what a lovely effort your dh has madeEnvy, because your feeling down you're probably feeling all the negativity, once your mil has her things will be fine and so what if she's not particularly looking forward to it now, gps have to take the rough with the smooth. You'll enjoy yourself once you're away.