Parents who don't RSVP to kids party invitations are total arseholes!

[RedHotPokers]

Are they ignorant, disorganised, uncaring, rude, or just selfish?
Or all of the above?

Its not like in this day and age its necessary to put quill to paper and send a wax sealed document by messenger across the country.

Its just a fecking text!

'DD/DS can/can't come to the party. Thanks for the invitation.' TEN words, and I'd even settle for the slightly less polite six word version!

What is the matter with these people? And how would they feel if they were the ones not knowing if their DC was going to have 3 friends or 15 at their party, not to mention the bloody cost of paying for kids who may or may not turn up.

Seriously, TOTAL arseholes. Grrrrrr. AIBU?

YANBU it is rude but you have to harden up to it because it will happen everytime with every party and you can't even shame these parents into an apology by mentioning it ( I've tried) it doesn't work they don't care and will do it the following year, just part of school life I'm afraid

Nope!

I agree!!

Oh shit I knew there was something I had to do!

YANBU

I had a party for my Ds. Had half of those invited confirm. The rest just turned up on the day!

This must be a newish problem because when my oldest two were at school they had big parties every year but we never, and I do mean never, had to chase up an invitation.

They would put the reply slip in the book bag and said child would be very excited to hand it over to mine.

The one and only party I arranged for DS2 (big age gap) was a bloody nightmare. No one would confirm without being directly asked, at least half just um-and-ahhed and eventually eight out of the invited forty actually turned up. Including two who had definately declined.

Never, ever again. We just have his cousins round for tea and a play now. At least I know they are coming without being made to feel like I am imposing.

morecoffee is right the ones that don't reply will turn up anyway possibly with sibling/visiting cousin etc and they will all expect a party bag!! (don't get me started on fecking stupid party bags, so glad my kids are too old for all that now)

And and, then sometimes said parents will leave party and go off shopping etc leaving you to sort out their kids

YANBU. I have been dealing with this for 5 fecking years now and it still riles me.

Other parents are BASTARDS.

YANBU - DS1's party on sat. 4 out of 20 kid's parents haven't bothered to let me know. I don't have £30 to waste on 4 spaces, party bags fillers ect on people who might not turn up so haven't paid for them.
If they show, I kind of think serves them right.

Laura - I agree, I'm sure people never used to be so rude!

It makes me so ! (can you tell!?! )

I wonder whether these same rude feckers don't RSVP to their own friends events, or do they just reserve their crappy behaviour for small children!

YANBU I still remember the mum who didn't reply, dropped her 3 yr ok DD off on the day and then when I opened the card I found a £5 note dropped out! Cheap babysitting and Little girl sad throughout whole party as if she didn't want to be left

YANBU. Non RSVPers are fecking rude. We are all busy ffs.

I had people decline and bring siblings on the day.

Unless my DC has a habit of not bringing letters home and something slips past a weekly check.

Don't hold back OP, tell us what you really think.

YABU. One day you'll forget too and then you'll be it happens.

How old's your dc?

Used to annoy me but now that I've been through 10 years of it...meh.

I forget myself sometimes, then phone up and apologise.

There are so many bloody millions of forms and invites and clubs etc etc to remember, some are going to fall by the wayside. Oh and kids are SHIT at bringing invites home from school.

So...yabu

I was warned by someone else who had a big gap between first and second child. She told me she had been stunned by the new attitude and said she flet that the invited child's parents were doing her a massive favour rather than their child being asked to an expensive celebration.

And she was absolutely right.

YAsososoNBU

Receive invitation home in child's school bag.
Check calendar (and if child knows/likes party child !)
Send text to parent of birthday child
Write details who, when, where, age on calendar
Put invite in recycling bin

Not exactly hard is it?!

Ds is only 5, I have years of this to go .... Sigh ....

or have they not actually seen the invitation because their dc;

• just puts it in their drawer and forgets it (and you get it at the weeks later at the end of term when they clear out their drawer).
• doesn't actually want to go to the party and so bins the invite.
• never got the invite in the first place because the TA said she would put them in the relevant bookbags and put two in the same bookbag.

Yes, sometimes people are just plain rude - but sometimes they haven't even had the opportunity to be rude.

DS1 is continually reminded about the first point and was blasted by me about the second - even if he didn't want to go he had to let me know so we could let the parents know.

Yanb entirely unreasonable.

I haven't replied before because if XH collects dd he bins any invitation she receives that day. It amuses him to know I am being cursed in the playground. I have had a few moments.

You could try the cunning ploy of providing the date and time but not the specific venue, and say "RSVP for venue details". That way they can't just turn up without getting in touch first!

Or wording the invitation: "No RSVP will assume not attending" or similar. Then if they turn up on the day you have a cast iron excuse just to turn them away

Laura I don't remember going to many parties as a child whereas my dc seem to average one a week.I can honestly say I don't feel that grateful for the invites, i have got better at declining as they get older.

YANBU - except for when there has been emergency/mistake/family on holiday etc

Must be annoying as hell. If I had Birthday parties for my DS (SN), I would only cater for those that bothered to reply. Send the others home. It would teach em.

YANBU

Last year one of my twin boys wanted a 'proper' birthday party for the first time - S/Needs boys, 7th birthday. I went to a LOT of trouble to send invitations to the rest of the class - 9 children in all. Knowing all the children have SN, I added a link to the proposed venue, gave directions, carefully worded, gave my mobile number so they could just text me if they wanted to attend.

3 people RSVP'd. 2 turned up.

Never again. Never

Luckily I had thought ahead and invited some of my daughters friends to bulk out the numbers but I shall be sticking firmly to a family house-held party in future.

If there was a 'Birthday Party Flouncers Corner' I'd be in it

YANBU
it is dd1's first proper party this year, a pay-per-head job at soft play. she will be 5. it sounds mean, but i only let her choose half of the invitees. they rest are kids of my mates, whom i knew would a) RSVP, and b) turn up, thereby avoiding lots of anxiety on my part over whether we'll even have enough guests for a party.

In the event we have one child who has not RSVPed. DH is all for not letting this child in, or at the very least making sure he doesn't get a party bag. I am too worried about my social status in the playground soft to follow through.

I'm organising DS's party right now.

YANBU. You are being far more reasonable then they deserve.

And oddly, I am less annoyed with the people who haven't bothered to reply than with the one person (family member) who is faffing about with "well we might be there but we will have to see if X, Y or Z happens because if X happens we won't be and if Y happens we might be and if Z happens then so and so might have to bring the girls instead of me so I don't know..."

I feel stabby just thinking about her.