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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents who don't RSVP to kids party invitations are total arseholes!

72 replies

RedHotPokers · 08/03/2012 17:51

Are they ignorant, disorganised, uncaring, rude, or just selfish?
Or all of the above?

Its not like in this day and age its necessary to put quill to paper and send a wax sealed document by messenger across the country.

Its just a fecking text!

'DD/DS can/can't come to the party. Thanks for the invitation.' TEN words, and I'd even settle for the slightly less polite six word version!

What is the matter with these people? And how would they feel if they were the ones not knowing if their DC was going to have 3 friends or 15 at their party, not to mention the bloody cost of paying for kids who may or may not turn up.

Seriously, TOTAL arseholes. Grrrrrr. AIBU?

OP posts:
girliefriend · 08/03/2012 18:56

YA def NBU it really annoys me, think it is flipping rude to not send a text even if just to say thanks for the invite but soandso can't come, grrr.

Although sometimes worth checking with the parents that the invite actually got home as when I asked one of the dads at school gate if his dd was coming he said they hadn't seen an invite and was really sorry that I had been waiting on an reply!

GladysLeap · 08/03/2012 19:00

YANBU but it isn't a new thing. When DS2 was about 6 we invited 4 or 5 boys to a party at McDs. Had to chase up several of the mums, one of whom said airily "oh no, we don't do parties" (thanks for letting us know that). On the day one child turned up :( Luckily we had 4 of our own so sister and brothers filled the gaps nut I was really Angry and we never had that sort of party again.

DD (5) is having a party on Saturday and we've invited 5 girls. 3 replied by text within a day or so (impressed). One replied yesterday and we haven't heard from the other. The child says she's coming but I haven't heard from the parents. I'm just praying they all turn up.

CoffeeDog · 08/03/2012 19:02

invited 35 children for DD's party (big hall bouncy castle :) 18 have replied ..

I have had 3 parents who have found me and asked if their DD/DS was invited as they tend to 'lose' things and that they told the parents that they also got an envelope......but they couldnt find one in the book bag thats because there wasnt one in there Obviousley i gave them an invite - hard to say no to a 5yr old looking at you with big eyes in the middle of a packed playground.

Party on mothers day i think ALOT of the mums are looking forward to 2 1/2 hours break ;)

GladysLeap · 08/03/2012 19:02

Oh forgot the vital bit of info that DS2 is 22.

Triggles · 08/03/2012 19:10

We generally make sure we've RSVP'd in a timely manner. My frustration is not enough warning on party invites. We've had a number of party invitations passed out to the children literally 3 days prior to the party!! Unless you have a stash of children's party gifts in your house, it makes things very complicated. So we now have a house rule... less then 7 days notice is an automatic "no".

Pozzled · 08/03/2012 19:12

Well, I suppose YANBU to expect a reply.

But I wish there were less of these organized parties. My DD is only 3 and I really don't like gettingg invitations from children at her nursery. Half the time she barely knows the child as they attend different days and they're only there together for one morning a week. Some of the invitations are really lacking in details, they're often a pain to get to and I feel quite uncomfortable never having met the parents. I can understand more with older children but it all seems a bit much for a 3rd or 4th birthday.

AnnieLobeseder · 08/03/2012 19:17

I was ranting about the very same thing a couple of weeks ago. Angry and Angry again!

WeatherInTheStreets · 08/03/2012 19:26

YANBU.

I don't understand it - soooo bloody rude, always happens ... mind you, having said that, I did really annoy a friend once by replying really late to her wedding invitation (and declining - but was only invited to the evening ... so who can blame me?)... so I guess if we're honest maybe we've all done it occasionally ...

Interested to hear some people think it's a recent thing ...

Lexie1970 · 08/03/2012 19:47

My DS is having 5 th birthday party on Saturday. Have faith, it is not all bad in this day and age!

22 invited (gave about 3 weeks notice :) ) the majority rsvp'd within a week or so and I have spoken to mums / dads this week. One mum didn't know anything about it and I would have felt mortified if she thought her child was excluded. The lesson I have learned is that it is always worth physically chasing replies Grin

BellsandWhistles · 08/03/2012 19:55

So not everyone thinks your child's party is the highlight of their social calendar... Get over it.

Snakeonaplane · 08/03/2012 19:55

puzzled I 100% agree, I don't get the preschool birthday thing. The ones I have gone to the birthday child usually spends the whole thing crying and you can't leave them so that's Saturday from 2-4 at a play centre or some other delightful place. I think this is a newish thing because dd is 7 and never really went to nursery friends parties where as ds got invited to loads, 3 days at nursery, different kids in each day, the cost soon mounted up. For that age a couple of close friends around to tea is a much better idea IMO and a he'll of a lot cheaper

PattiMayor · 08/03/2012 20:02

This is the 3rd thread in as many weeks about this topic and YANBU - it's really rude.

I sent out the invites to DS's party last week with a huge amount of trepidation after reading the other threads BUT today I got RSVPs from the only two kids who hadn't replied. I'm absolutely staggered - and it isn't until next weekend!

Perhaps people where I live are very polite or something? :o

shewhowines · 08/03/2012 20:08

snake. I think it depends on the older children in the year and whether they have big parties or not. My eldest went to loads at nursery because the september parties were big and then every body did the same. It didn't happen like that in my youngests year

Pesofanclub · 08/03/2012 20:09

You will have to learn the art of chasing up people and just suck it up.

Hulababy · 08/03/2012 20:13

I always chase up any who haven't replied. And I always include an RSVP date on the invite, along with home number, mobile number and email. No excuses then. Once the date has gone I chase up, and if it is when the party numbers need confirming I just say sorry, but I need to know today in order to confirm their place.

Never had anyone turn up on the day where I haven't had a reply. Good job as they wouldn't have had a party bag and in some cases wouldn't have been paid for anyway.

have only ever had someone cancel on the day due to genuine illness.

BarbarianMum · 08/03/2012 20:20

But puzzled you can just decline. It's not rude to say no, it's just rude to say nothing.

Ds2 just had his first 'proper' party, age 4. He loved it. His guest's parents all replied and showed up bar one (whose mum later apologized and explained she'd suffered a miscarriage that week Sad - so be careful who you judge).

I have to say the norm here is for most parents to RSVP -South Sheffield, the last bastion of good manners Smile.

Chulita · 08/03/2012 20:25

DS has an invite for the end of the month and I've lost it and can't text. Won't see the mum beforehand either due to new baby arriving imminently and me not getting to the toddler group at the moment. I sort of know where she lives but would have to knock on 3 or 4 doors before finding hers. I'm feeling guilty about not texting her though

Original poster
RedHotPokers · 08/03/2012 20:25

BellsandWhistles Thu 08-Mar-12 19:55:36
So not everyone thinks your child's party is the highlight of their social calendar...Get over it.

I'm not expecting all the children to actually come. I just expect a bit of politeness in the form of an RSVP. Doesn't take 5 seconds to text 'Sorry X can't make it. Thanks for the invite.'

Problem is DS is only 3. I wasn't going to do a party for him, as I think he's a bit young, but he begged me! DD is so party-obsessed that she has wound him up into a frenzy about it!

A number of the children invited go to his nursery, and the majority of them have not responded. I have chased a few who have non-committally thanked me for the invite and said they will text me to confirm. And they haven't! I understand that the parents might not be bothered to come, as they don't know us (as a family) very well. But that has nothing to do with them not RSVPing. Its just ignorant! If you're not going to come, just tell me!!!!

Luckily, as per a previous poster, party is bulked out with 8 or so children of friends of mine. DS won't give a shit either way, as long as he gets his Fireman Sam cake!

OP posts:
NannyPlumIsMyMum · 08/03/2012 20:28

Yadnbu .
I think it is ignorant and rude .
IME it causes problems !
I have not had rsvps in the past , but then the children turn up on the day expecting to be fed , have party bags , etc etc .
I really don't like it Angry

thinneratforty · 08/03/2012 20:35

This may be coincidence but since this thread appeared, I've had three responses to my dd2's invites!
And no YANBU, it's not hard to say no thanks we can't make it!

fatherchewylouis · 08/03/2012 20:37

YANBU about those that got the invite and failed to reply but twice now I have not received an invite so probably looked rude to party hosts but things get lost and mixed up all the time, especially around Reception and Year 1 in my experience.

ClothesOfSand · 08/03/2012 20:42

I've never had this problem. I always send invites with reply slips on them and people send them back. With older children, I tell them to tell the friend they are coming. I don't text ever; I would think it bizarre if some random parent expected me to text them about a kid's party. If you send an invite through a child, then expect the reply in the same way.

Hulababy · 08/03/2012 20:43

Bellsandwhistles - I don;t want nor need everyone to think DD's parties are the highlight of a social life or whatever. I just want to know if their child is coming or not so I can pay for and cater for the correct number of children. It is perfectly fine for someone to not give a fig about the party - but I'd rather they let me know so that I dont pay for their child. Hence I will chase it up.

Katiebeau · 08/03/2012 20:46

I had crossed wires with DH once and was very late declining. I bloody well apologised, I felt dreadful. How could you not apologise? YANBU Op.

Snakeonaplane · 08/03/2012 20:48

If your ds is only 3 how did you send the Invites? It's very possible they haven't been passed on, my dh picks up sometimes and if I mention the word party to him he usually suddenly remembers all the things he was supposed to tell me but didn't also some nurseries expect parents to check message trays but the parents aren't aware of this.