To give my skinny DD nutella on toast for breakfast but not allow her sister to have it, who is a bit of a chubster?

[sandyballs]

I'm usually fairly strict about junk food and don't allow them (both 11) to eat a load of crap, just now and then, but DT2 is painfully thin at the moment, off her food after a sickness bug and I just want to see her eat something substantial before going off to school. Her sister has a very sweet tooth and loves crap like chocolate spread, cakes, biscuits etc, and she is going through a rather chubby phase so I'm limiting it. She got the hump this morning after seeing her sister eating nutella on toast.

I obv don't make an issue of either the 'too chubby' or the 'too skinny' thing, other than this nutella drama this morning, or maybe that is making an ishoo of it.

God, this parenting lark changes like the wind, I think I've got it sussed and it all changes.

YABU. I understand your thinking but you know it's wrong. Your DD will see herself been punished for not being as skinny as her sister. It could breed resentment. My DS is very skinny and a fussy eater, although not as bad as he used to be. After he was I'll and lost a lot of weight I gave him an appetite enhancer. Think it was Pharmoton. It did help him.

Meant to say they both do a lot of sport, that is their thing. Netball, football, athletics, basketball, swimming. When they're not doing organised sports they are out in the park on their bikes. They couldn't really be more active, they rarely watch tv/video games etc, only last thing at night in their PJ's.

As others have said, it's a bad idea to have certain foods for one child, and others for the other. Growing up my brother had hyperactivity which was triggered by certain food additives, E-numbers. Growing up we never had sweets other then the ones mum used to make. We were all treated the same and there was very little resentment. Occasionally we got pissed off with DB because we couldn't have a chocolate bar, but I think it would have been worse for DB if we got to eat sweets and he had to do without.

1 tsp nutella on wholemeal toast with a sliced banana on top is actually a not to unhealthy breakfast btw.

its not crap sandy balls you have twins and especially if they are so different it cant be easy with both being at different weights , I think with food issues dd1 used to be like a rake she was an awful eater and very skinny at 11 , you will try anything to get them to eat , I used to give her peanuts nothing diet juice etc just to build her up , we dont have scales never worry about food its never an issue , either , perhaps maybe get your thinner daughter to look up what athletes need to eat to perform , does she compete in anything or is she sporty for fun , ? little meals and often maybe help her ,

its not crap sandy balls you have twins and especially if they are so different it cant be easy with both being at different weights , I think with food issues dd1 used to be like a rake she was an awful eater and very skinny at 11 , you will try anything to get them to eat , I used to give her peanuts nothing diet juice etc just to build her up , we dont have scales never worry about food its never an issue , either , perhaps maybe get your thinner daughter to look up what athletes need to eat to perform , does she compete in anything or is she sporty for fun , ? little meals and often maybe help her ,

Please don't treat them differently in the way you suggest. Very hurtful.

I think what you said was fine, op.

But yes, tell them that basically nutella is not for breakfast and having thought about it, you think you were wrong to let either of them have it then. maybe let the other have it for supper tonight to see an end to it?

I don't buy it except occasionally when we are on holiday, because I think it is a load of rubbish, tbh, but that's a different point.

If you want to build one of your DDs up why don't you get her some protein shakes (I mean ones intended for building someone up after they've been sick - not ones for body builders!). They are tasty but you could treat them almost as a medicinal product because she's been sick so your other DD won't feel left out.

If your'e that worried about your DD needing building up, slapping shit on toast won't particularly help....you should see a dietitian.

If it was a one off because you just wanted her to eat something, then it wouldn't have hurt your other DD to have it as a one off either.

sandyballs (teehee @name ) maybe your chubbier daughter is going to be that shape and perhaps your skinny daughter is underweight if you see what i mean they are both just as active but you have a daughter who maybe under weight , I think you should let your twins eat the same within reason of course and maybe 1 twin wil influence the other in a positive way ,

So one of your daughters is a "chubster" but her weight is within the normal weight range therefore she isn't overweight. As someone said on a thread I was looking at earlier, there aren't enough hmm faces on the internet.

Is it any wonder that many women have a negative body image.

YABVU

ha ha YABU

but have same issue this end! My DS2 is a CHUNK of a baby, and we do worry that we should cut down in his sweets

but its cant be that one has nutella croissant and one has muesli and skim soy milk

Give thin child a thick spread of nutella.
Give bigger child a thin spread of nutella.
Don't mention it to them.

It is hard feeding 2 children who are so different. My DS is clinically underweight and my DD is on the highest part of the OK range.

Please make sure neither of them ever gets to see this thread, would hate to think of the effects if she knew you thought of her as a "chubster"...

My DB and Dsis are twins, Dsis was always chubby, DB skinny. Mum, Grandma and various aunties between them managed to give her years of anorexia followed by massive mental health issues - at 28 she's still never had a proper job or home.

My relatives did the same to me, but I'm bloody minded and ended up obese (16 stone). Whatever the result, comparing and making it obvious that you disapprove of a child's shape will damage them. I clearly remember my mum being disgusted with me at age 11 when I couldn't fasten a size 10 skirt. I was about 5'5 and around 8.5 stone, I'm just an odd shape. She had me on slim-fast at 15, when I was 5'7 and 9.5 stone.

At nearly 35, I've sorted my head and food issues out, more or less. So 20 odd years of obsessing. Hoping against hope that I haven't damaged DD with my messing about.

It's harder for you because twins have such an immediate basis for comparison, but you must be careful.

"I obv don't make an issue of either the 'too chubby' or the 'too skinny' thing, other than this nutella drama this morning, or maybe that is making an ishoo of it. "

yep, that is exactly what you are doing.

trust me, as a person who grew up being labelled as 'fussy' it gets to a point where you fear meals because of what you know your parents are thinking but not saying about your eating. the only reason they weren't saying it was because when they did say things, they said it so bloody often that i would cry at the first mention of eating.

what you did this morning was telling your 'sweet tooth' DD that she is now the proud owner of an issue with sweet stuff. reverse this now by telling her you made a mistake and prctising good eating habits together as a family where everyone is allowed the same things. otherwise you will have a DD who feels guilty for wanting sweet stuff, guilty for eating it when she is 'allowed' it and perhaps she will even start to eat secretly, which of course will make you want to hide the sweet stuff, but she will find it and feel even guiltier that you had to hide it from her. please dont do this to her. i still struggle with my relationship with food and i was never a fussy eater until tehy told me i was. i was normal

Please don't give her nutella, they put abomasum in it as well as palma oil. It is disgusting

Please don't give her nutella, they put abomasum in it as well as palma oil. It is disgusting

Has she got a relative or friend of yours that she admires who is sporty and has a healthy diet? We go for everything in moderation, and make sure you eat the stuff that helps you be strong and healthy. I have a wonderful sporty friend who DD adores, and she is shamelessly used as an example of why [insert name of random wierd vegetable] is good for you.

Can you be honest with both of them, and say you are worried about skinny DD, and when you are building up after being ill, it is good to have extra little snacks - eg cheese and oatcakes, nuts and raisings, or avocado dip - something with healthy fats in. If other DD got ill and was the same, then she should remember to do the same until she gets back to the weight she was before - make it about the illness and not the weight. I think protein shakes sounds like a good plan.

By the way I think twins can be very sensitive to comparison - my classmate was an identical twin and she almost smirked (false modesty) for want of a better word that her hair was thicker and her skin better and she was in the stream above her twin. Her twin bore it all with weary resignation. They both fulfilled the labels/ expectations their family gave them - and I don't think one was brighter than the other.

sherocks what is abomasum?

Ooo nutella, milkshakes, coco pops frosties sugarpuffs et al are very bad for breakfast. What about porridge, dried fruit, yoghurt, fruit, low sugar granola, cornflakes, rice krispies (i know there's some sugar, but they're way better than "frosted" cereals and chocolate cereals), toast with a smidge of honey, or marmite or butter.

I wouldn't differentiate in such a way again, but you know that. It can be so worrying just to get them to eat anything at all. Good luck

I just had a look on a nutella jar and there is no "abomasum" in it. :) I saw you on the other thread Sherocks. Have you got over your annoyance at the woman posting mean things about your cakes?

YANBU. There is method behind your decision. Don't be influenced by others and continue to do what you feel is right for your children, OP.

Sheroks you may think its disgusting, but I love nutella, Aldis version is cheaper and just as nice.