To give my skinny DD nutella on toast for breakfast but not allow her sister to have it, who is a bit of a chubster?

[sandyballs]

I'm usually fairly strict about junk food and don't allow them (both 11) to eat a load of crap, just now and then, but DT2 is painfully thin at the moment, off her food after a sickness bug and I just want to see her eat something substantial before going off to school. Her sister has a very sweet tooth and loves crap like chocolate spread, cakes, biscuits etc, and she is going through a rather chubby phase so I'm limiting it. She got the hump this morning after seeing her sister eating nutella on toast.

I obv don't make an issue of either the 'too chubby' or the 'too skinny' thing, other than this nutella drama this morning, or maybe that is making an ishoo of it.

God, this parenting lark changes like the wind, I think I've got it sussed and it all changes.

YABU that's very unfair and will make her feel eat and give her all sorts of body issues.

YUBU

You can't treat them differently.

I dont think its a particularly great idea - can you make simple not immediately apparent changes like using full fat milk/butter/full fat phily for the skinny daughter and skimmed milk/low fat options for the other daughter? If you are offering nutella/biscuits/sweets to one, its only fair to offer to the other daughter too.

and you think a tablespoon of nutella would hurt?

All or nothing in this house

Yabu and a bit weird they are 11 dont have them fighting over nutella let them have the same if they want , and nutella isnt the worst think they can eat for breakfast is it ,

YABU. It's both or neither for the junky shite. Up the skinny girl's carbs if possible, but don't restrict your other daughter's food. Get her moving more.

I see what you are trying to do but YABU, and sadly sending out a message like this will be unhelpful and could cause all sorts of problems in the future, especially in your slightly heavier DD.

I too think YABU. Incredibly unfair actually. I really hope to god you didn't actually say to your larger daughter that she isn't allowed the nutella as she's fat??!!

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I think that if you have the stuff in the house, it should be available equally to everyone.

At 11, I don't think you actually have to say 'you can't have any because you're fat'. Your daughters have probably figured it out.

You are dead right about parenting changing all the time - or rather, children change all the time so what worked a month ago is suddenly useless.

But I don't think it's a good idea to offer nutella to one and not the other. Why not make hearty porridge or something for your convalescent dt2?

Is Nutella really bad? My overweight DD has it.

YABU, is DD1 the only one allowed good teeth?

It cant be any worse that cocoa pops or sugar puffs can it , My dds eat Nutella personally i think its vile ,

Yabu something like peanut butter would have been better for both of them. I understand your logic but it was unfair.

YABU. There are ways to 'feed your dd1 up' without makng it so obvious to dd2. Please be careful how you handle this as I know of a family where they did this sort of thing and at 14 the 'chubbier' child developed an eating disorder that she is still fighting at nearly 18.

YABVU

and girls go through all sorts of funny weight stages especially at 11 start of puberty , , dd2 is 14 and having a bum problem at the minute she is just changing shape AGAIN , i just tell her a bigger bottom is comfier

I understand where you are coming from!

I have one ds who is skinny as a rake and hates eating breakfast (complains about it every morning) and one who is a bit chubby and never complains no matter what I give him.

I can't blam the skinny ds for not wanting breakfast, I don't like eating breakfast either, but I feel I do need to get something into him before school. Thankfully for me it has become much easier since the older chubbier ds started secondary school, because he now eats his ready brek and leaves for school before the skinny ds has to have breakfast. I give skinny ds honey on toast, or nutella, or sometimes crumpets or muffins with jam.

Chubby ds would be gutted if he knew, but he doesn't, and I'm happy to keep it this way because I feel I'm doing what is best for each of my children who have different needs. As long as there is no conflict about it, I don't see the problem.

Don't know how you will manage it if they eat at the same time though!

YABU, a bit of Nutella on toast isn't going make a difference anyway

yabu.
treat them equally ffs.
I was a bit chubby as a young teenager and my mum went on like this. made me want to eat more rubbish, half in defiance and half because it made me feel better.
organise a weekly football match or go roller skating or get them into dance or something, get kids active, don't put them on diets!

YABVU. If one DD is allowed the nutella then the other should too. Personally I wouldn't buy it in the first place - have you looked at the label? It's made up almost 100% of fat and sugar. Up to you though obviously...

But don't make a point of feeding your DDs differently, because your 'larger' DD could start to have some real issues around food. Just give them both healthy food, unrestricted.

Sorry but that is really U! I understand what you mean but your girls are growing and developing and as long as they both have a healthy balanced diet and are active then you are doing the right thing. I would just not have too many sugary treats in the house for either of the girls. I worry that your larger DD will feel very hurt and self conscious if you act like this.

My Dd has always been tiny (height wise and skinny too) but this summer she began filling out which bothered us to start with because she looked so different but we just, without telling her, made especially sure that she was eating well and being active and it turns out she was just developing, now she has hips and little boobs so that was obviously what that was all about.

Ok, I kind of knew I was in the wrong the minute I did it, I know it's not the way to handle overweight/underweight situations. I was just so relieved that DT2 was actually requesting someting, anything, to eat. She used to have a hearty appetite and now she picks like a bird and takes about half an hour to eat a slice of toast, I'm very worried about her. She's all ribs and shoulder blades, she does loads of sport so needs to eat properly. I've told her that athletes need fuel etc but she seems to like being skinny and I worry she's getting a lot of attention about it, albeit negative.

I've never told DT1 she's overweight. I said this morning she was within the normal weight range and I wanted her to stay there, hence the no nutella, and her sister was underweight and needed building up. God that's crap isn't it, I'll apologise to her tonight.

I'm very aware that this is a difficult age for girls with body image, puberty etc and I don't want them to have issues with food. I don't have any food issues and they see me and DH eat normally and not stress about diets or weight. We don't even have scales in the house.

Good idea about full fat milk etc.

Thanks for replies.