Private school vs quality of life

[VeryTiredMummyOf2]

ok so heres the deal. DD has just been accepted at a pre -prep. (State primaries are not v good, have looked around them and was not impressed.)
We can afford it, just, would mean I can't work 2 days a week. however DH is now saying he's unsure about it all:(
His argument is that 10k a year would give us as a family a decent quality of life, if and when DD 2 goes you are looking at 20k a year.
My thoughts are that you are investing in your children's future, I never went to a private school, but worked hard. I just want them to have a better life than i did. This so frustrating.
AIBU? Do I need to get a grip and get on with it.
Help?

IMO your child would do better at the state primary with you working part time doing extra homework and reading with her, plus you'd have money to pay for some tutoring if need be. And save for secondary school.

Fine to pay for primary school if it won't affect your standard of living but I wouldn't do it in the circumstances you set out. Plus a primary school (prep or state) is only as good as the class teacher.

But everyone saying, 'send them state and do more with them at home and get a tutor' are acknowledging that the state sector is lacking somewhat.

The other point relating to that is taht actually, when they get in they're tired and just want to play. I also have 4kids so getting them to extra tuition, rugby, hockey, violin lessons etc after school would not only be exhausting but a logistical nightmare. The fact that all the sport and music they could want takes place during the school day is a huge advantage to our family life.

lovingthecoast There are plenty of children at very expensive schools whose parents also employ tutors, that would seem to suggest that it's not just state schools who are lacking. There was a big article in the times not that long ago about the same thing (can't link due to Times paywall).

Sue, I'm sure there are but to me, that's ridiculous! But then that smacks of expecting your child to achieve above their potential and expecting school to oblige. I'm not really interested in them getting 4 A* alevels if their ability is more suited to 2xAs and 2Bs. I would always choose a school that would allow my kids to fufill their own potential rather than tutor them within an inch of their life. But as I said earlier, I don't pay for an academic advantage despite 2 of my 3 school aged children being very bright.

Sue52, I woudl seay the parents sending children to private schools and paying tutors are expecting slik purses to be made out of sows ears.

Also, my point was really that the tutor argument was being used readily as an alternative to paying. You see it on here all the time. People saying stuff like, 'take them to museums and get a tutor'.

For me, getting a tutor means children needing to do further learning outside of school when they should be relaxing.

lovingthecoast I agree, the school day is long enough for primary school children. I want my dd to enjoy those hours and be bouncing with enthusiasm when she comes home (as she currently does). I don't want her to spent those hours frustrated and bored and possibly ignored because she is shy, and then drag her around the place to classes and tutors after school and at weekends! She's not yet 5 and needs time to relax, watch a bit of TV, play tickling games with her sister...

I quite agree that time out of school should be for relaxing, however most of the local preps run till 4.30 weekdays and Saturday mornings. To me that seems too much for a small child. A hour or so each week with a tutor seems easy compared to that. A visit to a museum or gallery was seen as a treat by my kids and eagerly anticipated. I think most children benefit from such visits, nothing to do with them being state or privately educated. I agree with the silk purse comment but quite a number of parents seem to think a private education will do just that.

Then they're doing it for the wrong reasons!

My kids' day runs from 8.50 until 3.30 so pretty similar to state primaries. The long days and Sat morning classes seem to exist at those preps whose sole purpose is to feed into the boarding sector. Personally I think that vibrant, dynamic secondary day schools and their corresponding preps (though many of their feeders are actually 5-11 rather than 5-13) are very different environments both in terms of the prevailing culture and the parents who use them.

8.45 to 3.15 here (shorter than the local primary) and definitely no Saturdays here. When they get to year 3 (I think) school starts at 8.35 but still finishes at 3.15.

It's true the preps round my way are geared for CE and the many pupils are destined for boarding schools. However, I think with involved parenting it is quite easy to offer similar opportunities at home (bar Latin) saving at least£4,500 a term. To go back to the OP's original point, If one parent is uneasy about the fees, it will lead to arguments and resentment and that is not good for anyone.

I agree re the OP's situation. However, from my pov, having 4kids simply means that we couldn't possibly fit in all the sport and music after school. Plus DH works away through the week (often out the country) so weekends are a time for him to spend with the kids.

You need to look at your own family circumstances and make a decision based on that. It's just that I get frustrated firstly by the lumping together of day schools with exclusive, often elitist boarding schools and by the 'mixing' argument which simply doesn't apply in large areas of the English counties.

I understand your frustration, all preps are not alike and there are many small ones which are excellent and a fair few that are not up to the standard of a good state primary. I get a bit het up with some people who are convinced that all state schools must be inferior to all those in the private sector. I'm not anti private by the way, my daughter will go to an independent 6thform.

I'm not anti-state either! I looked at all options available when the time came with my eldest. I just hated the sats obsessed exam factory that was my local primary. I guess we went from there. I have no regrets but that is mainly because we are fortunate enough to be able to afford it financially. I ceratinly wouldn't choose it over things like holidays which in my opinion are crucial for family life.