AIBU to think George Osbourne is a T**T

[Mum2Luke]

We are a family of 5 which a 21 yr old at University, 18 year old due to start uni next year and a 9 year old, DH earns the £43,000 and pays 40% tax on that as well as all the bills yet next year we are going to be one of the many families with no CB because he sees fit to think we earn a fortune yet a couple earning double get to keep the benefit!!!! We are also supporting our middle child in bus travel to and from college.

My CB goes straight to my son and daughter (as she is in full-time education) , I do not see a penny of it, it goes straight from my bank to theirs to buy shoes, clothes etc and is a lifeline. I do work but only 5 hours a week as a dinner lady in a school kitchen as my childminding has all but dried up with people being out of work in my area. I get pretty peed off with people who say 'oh you had kids, pay for them yourselves' which we have, all 3 of ours were planned and we saved up before even trying for them, no fancy prams that cost £300. Children are our future aren't they?

Does this Chancellor not undertsand that food is going through the roof as well as everything else which needs a lorry which uses diesel to transport it because the government puts tax after tax on fuel? Its is getting more and more expensive to pay for shopping and clothes which are essential in this country and its lovely climate.

Before people say 'Get a job near home' to my DH, believe me he tried, there is NOTHING in our area, he moved to his present job because the one which was local and he could cycle to was not paying anywhere near what he is qualified for, he might as well be on the dole but he is too proud, yes he's got a good job, he's worked bloody hard to get where he is, no company car though, he drives a KIA Rio 1.4. We don't go on foreign holidays every year, we don't smoke and we don't go out much together either.

Next year my son will be starting senior school in the september and the uniform alone will cost a fortune pus the football boots and trainers they have to have which also are not cheap by any means, the loss of CB is really stressing me out, I feel like writing to George f%&*$ing Osbourne and buying him a decent calculator because he obviously can't add up!!!!!!

OP - rather than putting up a wall to every suggestion thrown out there, why not try a few of them out for size? You'll find loads more support if you're open to trying to change the status quo yourself, rather than just complaining about it.

"We don't actually take home £43K,"

No kidding... We all pay tax. CB isn't being cut until April 2013. Means you've got a whole year to make adjustments, find extra work, get your eldest two to start contributing to the household rather than expecting you to pay for everything. Your youngest will be 10+ and won't need childminders. Why are you getting upset now?

Also, by the time the CB cut has happened (if it does) your child will be old enough to walk to the nearest childminder after school (or they can pick him up). If you're working full time then you will only be paying for an hour or two after school.

And once he goes to secondary you can tell him to go to the library after school and do his homework - that's what we did with dd in yr 7 and 8 when we were rushing to get home from work.

A mobile phone can be had for £9. In Tesco. DH bought one the other day.

Actually, if you think about it (and it has been pointed out on MN previously), those people that are living and working here, but claiming CB for their children in another country are not costing us NEARLY as much as they could. They COULD bring those children here, costing us more in terms of the NHS, education, housing, etc. So that's a bit of a non-issue. Not to mention benefits bashing as well as whinging about immigrants (can we say stereotype?).

When I said she was making poor choices, I was not referring to how many children she had. I was referring to:

• supporting two adult children that are fully capable to support themselves
• refusing to consider working any times other than term times (there are jobs outside office hours - nights, weekends - that she could look into. not ALL jobs start at 5pm )
• spend some of her time during the day retraining
• work with another childminder to share childcare so they can both possibly find a part time job with more hours
• consider childminding in off hours such as evenings, nights, weekends to get more business

The OP keeps banging on about the same obstacles, pretty much all of which can be overcome with a bit of intelligence, planning, and creativity. It's all down to her priorities. She's made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want suggestions to improve her situation or question her choices, but wants to whinge about how "unfair" it all is. Which makes me wonder why in the world she posted on AIBU and not on another board.

He's not getting a mobile now, just can't afford to payg. I do NOT send money to the eldest in Leicester, he lives on student loan, he cannot fnd any job which will fit in with lectures and doing work at his home, he has a very good work ethic, at Christmas he applied to Post Office only to be told over 21 yr olds cost too much for them to pay!!! He will be trying to get work once he moves back after he graduates as he wants to pay his student debt.

DD is still having interviews for courses - she applied to Sheffield, Falmouth, and Hertford so until they are over and she has finished her course she cannot committ to any job as she would have to take time off. She has tried too, she printed her CV and dropped it into as many places in manchester as she could and has received nothing. That was in January, not much hope when they cannot be bothered with her is there?

I have to think about when DD is home from college or DH comes home from work, who is there to look after DS? I have looked into retraining, have just finished 3 years hard slog doing Foundation Degree, that cost the earth as we did not get any help towards fees. You really think I want to do any more after that? My dh does not want other peoples' kids here at weekends and why the hell should he? He works dam hard and wants abreak from them at weekends, we would have to have a separate room for minded child to sleep too which we haven't got.

If there are enough parents wanting childcare during the week, what makes u think there any more at weekends? Sadly mistaken there, most people use relations because they are free at weekends not childminders as we would have to charge extra for washing bed sheets, electrics and food etc. I have gone into it, I do know this happens.

First of all, I worked for the police department and knew a number of people that would have given their eye teeth for a reliable child minder for shift work. They do exist. Even parents that want a regular night out once a week can often employ a childminder if the price is right.

Nowadays, just printing off your CV and dropping it into places is not going to get you a job. You actually need to go that extra mile to make an impression.

So you finished the foundation degree (not sure why you felt the need to highlight "we did not get any help towards fees"... welcome to the real world... not everyone does, you know!), and that's it then. Okay. That's useful. Choices.

And if your DH is adamant that he doesn't want other children there evenings or weekends, then obviously that's a higher priority to you both than increasing your income. >shrug< Again, choices.

There's always working outside the home yourself on the weekends. But I'm sure there'll be an excuse for that as well.

Like I said... it al comes down to priorities and choices.

all*

Also remember that covering as a childminder for those that work shiftwork is often not necessarily late night. I've seen many parents struggling because they had overlapping work hours... one parent not getting off work until between 6-8 pm and the other starting work at around the same time. So an overlap requiring childcare for maybe 1-3 hours, depending on the schedule. It happens frequently.

"He will be trying to get work once he moves back after he graduates as he wants to pay his student debt"

Thats what all uni students do after graduating surely!

If your husband doesnt want child minded children in the house then there are plenty of other jobs that are weekends and nights only.

If you have completed a degree in an area with no jobs, then thats nobody elses fault and not the states. Its upto you to adapt around that. Not sure why its important to show that you paid for it yourself, most people do.

Having a 9 year old is no excuse not to work outside school hours, after school care simply wont take away your whole days wage and if you have friends who are childminders with spaces then theres no reason not to work. Your daughter and husband can share pick ups.

You have plenty of reasons you feel you cant work but none of them are in reality. Yes, we'd all love term time school hours jobs but most are realistic and know that they are rare.

Herethereandeverywhere.

OP is not asking for state help. She is just pointing out that even on an income of £43k, her family is struggling and she wants to be able to keep a very small benefit that families with a higher income than hers could get.

I don't see what's wrong with that.

She wants to be able to support her children through education, like most good parents want to do. They are a family that works hard, the children are doing well in their education, OP has taken a job that she can fit in with her life. What more can be expected?

There are plenty of families that take far more out of the system than OPs ever will, and as a higher rate taxpayer, her dh is providing more than enough into the system. Yet as a family, they struggle. Sorry, but I don't think the OP deserves any criticism at all. Especially in comparison to plenty of other families in this country where the children do have phones and iPods and games consoles.

The OP is whinging that they will struggle financially without the CB. A number of us are pointing out that they are struggling financially due to some of the choices they are making.

It wouldn't be nearly so ridiculous if she then hadn't started benefits bashing. The words "pot" and "kettle" come to mind.

'f there are enough parents wanting childcare during the week, what makes u think there any more at weekends? Sadly mistaken there, most people use relations because they are free at weekends not childminders as we would have to charge extra for washing bed sheets, electrics and food etc. I have gone into it, I do know this happens.'

Actually, you could go into providing respite for SN children. Families are desperate for a few hours at the weekend. Sign up with an Agency and the work will roll in.

But where are you seeing that she has made any bad choices? Maybe I'm missing something.

She tried to get work that woud fit around her dc, thus saving childcare costs, her husband works and her children that are old enough go to university. Where's the bad choice?

And why is it being given more grief on MN than someone who is single with 4 dc and completely reliant on benefits? That's what bothers me. On those threads the majority of posters are full of sympathy about the lack of work and the cost of living, and any lone voice that dares to accuse that type of poster of making bad choices gets accused of benefit bashing. But when a family like OPs starts to struggle, the majority tell her she is somehow wrong for just wanting basics.

Do you have a very large mortgage OP? Don't wish to be mean but am gobsmacked that a family with an income of 43k and 1 young child is struggling financially.

There will be lots of holiday options. Speak to the working mums at school or ask your council childcare information service. Alot is word of mouth. Keep your eye out if your DC does any activities or at the library/local paper.

I live in a small deprived town in Lancashire and there are several options for holiday childcare - local nursery runs a holiday care, dancing school, football club etc.

Do you and your husband's employers offer childcare vouchers eg compushare? Alot of people think they can only be used for nursery but you can use them for aftercare or holiday care.

You can each take upto £243 a month of your salary as a voucher instead. You save the tax and national insurance and if your DH is only just a higher rate taxpayer may bring him down below the threshold (he will earn nearly £3000 less on his P60 if he takes the full allowance). We save the vouchers to pay for DD's holiday care.

Seriously? What exactly is that supposed to mean, asking why she is getting more grief than "someone who is single with 4 dcs and completely reliant on benefits" ?? Is she somehow BETTER than them? What an odd statement to make.

The OP forfeited some sympathy when she whinged about strugging on £43K, a bit more when she whinged about her 10yo not having a mobile phone, and then more when she started benefits bashing.

Aside from that, she's thrown every realistic suggestion for help right back in everyone's faces and insisted we're all lying about jobs being available or people wanting off hours childminders or that she could possibly require her adult children to support themselves ... Again, if she wants to improve her financial situation, she'll need to prioritise better and make some different choices. (If you've been reading the thread, I would like to think this doesn't need to be spelled out again....it's not rocket science, after all...)

She wants the sympathy, but not any conflicting views. Not really something anyone reasonable would expect in AIBU, surely?

Oh its the aggressive Childminder.
I thought you were giving up.

I am rather taken aback by the comment from teh OP that the 21 year old student can't find a job to fit in with his lectures. Does he have lectures on a Saturday. My 21 year old student daughter has a term time Saturday job, and a holiday job at home when she is here. And she manages all her university work.

The bottom line for ALL students is that the student loan on its own is NOT enough to live on, they all have to get jobs if they can't have parental help. I wonder if that is made clear to them when they are applying for uni.

I do think they government have made a big mistake in the way they are applying this cut in CB - surely the anonomly of the dual income family earning £82K and keeping the benefit will be addressed before 2013.

I am rather taken aback by the comment from teh OP that the 21 year old student can't find a job to fit in with his lectures. Does he have lectures on a Saturday.

I'm with this school of thought. I worked weekend night shifts doing manual work in a stinking steaming hot cardboard box factory to fund myself through my degree.

Is something like that beneath your kids?

I do have to say though, OP, you're wasting your time coming here to moan about your situation. This is leftwingnet.com cunningly disguised as a parenting forum.

Voidka - am not an aggressive cm (you do not know me personally so do not slag me off please) I cannot afford to give up at the moment, will still advertise for another 6 months to see if anything comes up and if not will have to consider going out to work. Do not know what am supposed to pay a cm with, I definately won't earn enough, especially in school holidays and DH hasn't anymore to help me out with.

I was merely stating how unfair it is that 2 people earning £43,000 (what DH earns on one gross wage get to keep the CB, yet we lose it and I get slagged off. There are very few jobs where we live, I have moved twice already and do not want to move again and have to settle and make a whole new set of friends, it was hard enough last time, my youngest DS will be starting senior school next year and he wants to be with his friends.

£43,000 sounds alot until everything is taken out, yes we have a mortgage and obviously all the bills which go with it, he has the car which he does need to get to work, there are no buses or trains and it is too far to cycle. I cycle or walk to work as it is local. He has a company pension which might pay enough to retire on, I pay National Insurance stamps as I am my self-employed even though I've no children at present.

I asked my Childminder support officer and she knows how quiet it is where I live alone, am not the only CM struggling to get any calls for work, there are at least 100 in the same boat. I've been doing this job 15-20 years, have worked very hard to get where I am but I cannot help it if parents haven't got jobs to go to so they can pay a cm or nursery.

"printed her CV and dropped it into as many places in manchester as she could and has received nothing"

You don't get casual work age 18 by dropping in your CV... you turn up in person and ask.