to be hopping mad that someone fancies DH and spoke like this about him?

[MistyMountainHop]

was going to NC but can't be arsed. am quite prepared to be told i am being U and happy to be told to get a grip

but i am boiling mad and been on the verge of tears since i was told

dh is in a band, and a couple of weeks ago one of the other band members, the guitarist, brought in his female mate to audition for them at a rehearsal. they all decided she isn't going to be in the band as they didn't think she was good enough. fair enough, so far, Ok.

the guitarist is my friends DH. yesterday i was with her, and her DH was there, and he (somewhat) gleefully told me that the singer had told him she fancies my DH like mad and said he was "the stuff of fantasies" .
dh had no idea she said that until i told him. and she knows he is married, in fact SHE is married too ffs.

i Just Don't Like It. its made me really angry and upset. i told DH and he just laughed about it and also thought it was a bit weird as she had only seen him the once. but i reckon he is flattered, who wouldn't be if someone said that.

and DH is fit, totally gorgeous, and a catch as well. i don't know what he sees in me tbh when he could have anyone and things like this just make me more insecure :(

and it makes me wonder whether, had they kept her on as a singer, whether my friends DH would have told me? and i would have been none the wiser while DH goes out playing in a band with someone who fancies the fuck out of him

sorry its long :(

YAB ridiculous, I'd be flattered and very smug if this was my DH!

misty hope you are still reading as I really want to offer some advice. I used to get worked up like this - I really do know how painful and all consuming the fear of someone threatening your relationship is. I allowed insecurity and jealousy to eat me up for years - it was truly the bane of my life - and only in my early thirties did I feel I actually couldn't cope with it and went to see a therapist - it was a life changer. I am now in a relationship with a man who I am never jealous of or worried about - even though I know other women find him attractive -people come on to him in public, but now, I don't care! He is committed to me, that's all that matters.

Other people, over the course of a life time, will fancy your partner, they may tell him so, they may tell other people. It doesn't matter. What matters is your bond with him.

You can't protect yourself by being constantly vigilant - you have to let go and trust or you will continue to be really unhappy.

Honestly - I can't promise you enough, if you go and have therapy, you can learn to let go of this anxiety and fear. It will have come from your own childhood - did your dad cheat? Or did you get the message somewhere in life that people can't be trusted?

go and sort it out.....you will be amazed at how much better you feel...xx

I think if you were the one being fancied and your DH was hopping mad that you were attractive to other men you would think him controlling. There are a lot of advantages - his ego will be boosted, you will up your game, if she does join the band she will be compliant and the on-stage chemistry will be good. Tell him that you fancy him like mad too...now is not the time to withdraw and be the only woman around him who gives him no positive signals!