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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be hopping mad that someone fancies DH and spoke like this about him?

78 replies

MistyMountainHop · 06/03/2012 10:44

was going to NC but can't be arsed. am quite prepared to be told i am being U and happy to be told to get a grip

but i am boiling mad and been on the verge of tears since i was told

dh is in a band, and a couple of weeks ago one of the other band members, the guitarist, brought in his female mate to audition for them at a rehearsal. they all decided she isn't going to be in the band as they didn't think she was good enough. fair enough, so far, Ok.

the guitarist is my friends DH. yesterday i was with her, and her DH was there, and he (somewhat) gleefully told me that the singer had told him she fancies my DH like mad and said he was "the stuff of fantasies" Shock .
dh had no idea she said that until i told him. and she knows he is married, in fact SHE is married too ffs.

i Just Don't Like It. its made me really angry and upset. i told DH and he just laughed about it and also thought it was a bit weird as she had only seen him the once. but i reckon he is flattered, who wouldn't be if someone said that.

and DH is fit, totally gorgeous, and a catch as well. i don't know what he sees in me tbh when he could have anyone and things like this just make me more insecure :(

and it makes me wonder whether, had they kept her on as a singer, whether my friends DH would have told me? and i would have been none the wiser while DH goes out playing in a band with someone who fancies the fuck out of him Angry

sorry its long :(

OP posts:
CocoPopsAddict · 06/03/2012 11:02

Well, tough for her because he's your DH. Don't be jealous - be pleased that you have such an attractive husband.

I agree that her language was a bit OTT, but it was never meant for the ears of either you or your DH, so not intended to hurt.

InSeine · 06/03/2012 11:04

I'd be annoyed with the woman too, I think its inappropriate to talk like that about someone who is married. Unless its Johnny Depp, then its allowed... actually, he isn't married so...

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2012 11:05

To be on the verge of tears is a bit of an over reaction just because someone says she fancies your DH.

Are you sure it's not the fact he's in a band that's making your insecure?

I would have thought that (no matter what he looks like) would get him lots of female attention anyway.

Just have faith in him and your relationship.

Whatmeworry · 06/03/2012 11:06

It's clearly your DH's fault to be fancied. Leave the bastard :o

Or, take it as a compliment that other people agree with your choice of DH. And remember he chose you, so stop felling insecure right now - that's an order :)

Sorted.

Tryharder · 06/03/2012 11:07

FFS why all the comments on here about "cheeky bitches" and "tarty pants". Sixth form, much?

This woman clearly had no designs on your DH as your DH didn't know about it. She probably just said something to the other man and didnt think for a minute he would mention it.

My DH once got chatted up by a minor celebrity (allegedly!). It reflects well on me and my choice. Do I worry about it? For Christ's sake, no. My DH is attractive but I am not bad either and my DH is lucky to be with me! Jealousy ruins relationships - believe me, I have seen it happen.

LookAtAllTheseFucksIGive · 06/03/2012 11:13

Are women not allowed to appreciate good looking men? My dh is gorgeous. I know he is and have been told so by lots of females. I love it. Like pp says its me he comes home to. I trust him 100% and it amuses me know he is perplexed by it all. I take it as a compliment to me!

nizlopi · 06/03/2012 11:13

Insecure much?

Icelollycraving · 06/03/2012 11:15

I would be amazed if someone fancied my dh :o
Not sure why you are hopping mad,aside from the fact you are clearly insecure. It isn't ideal you don't understand what he sees in you,that is quite sad.
If it gets raised again,say 'she is right,he is the stuff of fantasies,difference is mine are played out!'
Don't worry,lucky you to have a hot husband!

MissBetsyTrotwood · 06/03/2012 11:17

I think your angry reaction is born of your own insecurity, as you acknowledge yourself. However, I'd say you'd have to be indestructibly confident to brush something like that off without it making you feel uncomfortable.

I speak as someone whose DH whose job makes him professionally attractive. He goes on tour for weeks on end and works in clubs several nights a week. He's surrounded by women younger, more attractive and frankly, much more interested in and impressed by what he does than I am. I know he meets a fair few that he fancies and ffs, if I were gay or a man I'd fancy them too. They are beautiful and he has plenty of opportunities (nights away, posh hotels etc) to be unfaithful. But the fact is, we are married, he loves me and he fancies me most of all. So he chooses me, and what we have together, and our family; the other is not in the question.

She sounds a bit silly tbh and a bit verbal diahorreary. And she didn't get the job anyway. So just enjoy your gorgeous DH and try to think better of yourself so you can bask in the adoration of a hot man without questioning it.

chirpyemma · 06/03/2012 11:19

Sixth form? No.
The tarty pants comment was meant to be humorous.
The cheeky bitch comment was totally justified with regards to the woman I was talking about. She was completely out of order, it wasn't only a one time remark she made. If I thought another man was attractive, I don't think it would be appropriate for me to repeatedly tell his wife how much I "fancied" him and what I'd like to do to him. Which she did, hence the cheeky bitch remark.

JasperJohns · 06/03/2012 11:22

You're being a bit irrational.

I often get comments from other mums about my DH. I think it's nice and I always tell him!

valiumredhead · 06/03/2012 11:25

Oh get a grip, honestly!

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2012 11:28

Anyone else think the reason the OP couldn't be bothered to NC, is so she can have a bit of a stealth boast? Blush

SwedishEdith · 06/03/2012 11:29

I want to know what he looks like now. Grin

It'll be because he's in a band. That cranks up attractiveness x 10. That's why most blokes start playing guitar, isn't it?

LookAtAllTheseFucksIGive · 06/03/2012 11:30

Worra I did think that too but if so it kinda backfired.

sheeplikessleep · 06/03/2012 11:32

I am quite a jealous type myself, hate the thought of other women looking at DH in that way. But it is life and it happens. DH is the least jealous person ever.

BUT, you have to take this as a complement. Or it will eat you up and cause friction. Is there anything your DH has done to cause you to be jealous?

If this were me and DH in this position, I'd say to DH, "I know it's silly, but I hate to think of other women looking at you in that way", DH would cuddle me, laugh and tell me not to be so silly. I'd feel reassured and forget about it. Is it worth saying something more to your DH? Does he know how you feel? Not that I am saying he has anything to feel sorry for, but he may be interpreting your reaction as something else and it will probably all be cleared up by a little bit of 'silly me, why do I feel so annoyed about it' type of lighthearted conversation.

BigGirlInASmallWorld · 06/03/2012 11:32

You need some kind of therapy as your are dumping your insecurities on your husband.

You are worrying about things that haven;t happened. It;s mabe, what if?

I totally get it, that's why i know

YOU DESERVE TO LIKE YOURSELF AND BE OK WITH YOU

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 06/03/2012 11:34

Actually on a bus right now and thought of this thread. Busy bus sat next to a guy and only just looked at him after 15 minutes.
He is possibly the nicest specimen I have ever seen. I've come over all unnecessary now Grin

Icelollycraving · 06/03/2012 11:34

Could we have a picture to drool over so we can see what all the fuss is about?!

CailinDana · 06/03/2012 11:35

The problem is your insecurity, not her. People often tell me they fancy my DH, including some of my friends and I think it's lovely, it's a real compliment. I trust my DH not to run away on me so what's the problem?

GreenEyedMunster · 06/03/2012 11:36

YABU.
Grow up and stop being just so flipping silly.

flapperghasted · 06/03/2012 11:38

Sounds like a stealth boast :) You need to put this into perspective and figure out why you're so jealous.

There was a woman at my old workplace who, when very drunk , said my dh was gorgeous and flirted outrageously with him, in front of me. I laughed like a drain. Firstly, she was v. drunk, and though he is gorgeous to me, he's not Johnny Depp!! TBH it made me fancyDH even more than I normally do, which I didn't think was possible, and made me very happy to have him on my arm.

Of course, if he'd flirted back he'd be a dead man Grin

TheSecondComing · 06/03/2012 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sheeplikessleep · 06/03/2012 11:40

btw, your insecurities will cause friction long term, they are worth dealing with or (assuming there is no reason to be jealous), your dh will start to feel doubted and peeved.

PandaWatch · 06/03/2012 11:41

Blimey she hardly said she was planning to run off with him did she? I'm sure she's happily married and wouldn't dream of trying anything with your DH. Also she didn't say it to you or your DH and your friend has probably exaggerated what she said.

When women come on to my DH I make a show of outrage but am secretly smug because I happen to think my DH is gorgeous and am glad others think so too! :)

OP if your DH is as gorgeous as you say and he's in a band (which can make the ugliest of men attractive) women making comments will be the least of your worries. Just wait till you get the groupies who couldn't give a shit whether a man is married or not coming along Angry

But seriously, chill out. Tis not a big deal.

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