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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be hopping mad that someone fancies DH and spoke like this about him?

78 replies

MistyMountainHop · 06/03/2012 10:44

was going to NC but can't be arsed. am quite prepared to be told i am being U and happy to be told to get a grip

but i am boiling mad and been on the verge of tears since i was told

dh is in a band, and a couple of weeks ago one of the other band members, the guitarist, brought in his female mate to audition for them at a rehearsal. they all decided she isn't going to be in the band as they didn't think she was good enough. fair enough, so far, Ok.

the guitarist is my friends DH. yesterday i was with her, and her DH was there, and he (somewhat) gleefully told me that the singer had told him she fancies my DH like mad and said he was "the stuff of fantasies" .
dh had no idea she said that until i told him. and she knows he is married, in fact SHE is married too ffs.

i Just Don't Like It. its made me really angry and upset. i told DH and he just laughed about it and also thought it was a bit weird as she had only seen him the once. but i reckon he is flattered, who wouldn't be if someone said that.

and DH is fit, totally gorgeous, and a catch as well. i don't know what he sees in me tbh when he could have anyone and things like this just make me more insecure :(

and it makes me wonder whether, had they kept her on as a singer, whether my friends DH would have told me? and i would have been none the wiser while DH goes out playing in a band with someone who fancies the fuck out of him

sorry its long :(

OP posts:

GrahamTribe · 06/03/2012 11:43

Censor the woman, ban her from your DHs gigs and make him wear a padlock on his underpants.

Or alternatively stop overreacting.

MorrisZapp · 06/03/2012 11:43

If your DH is in a band, and they do gigs, then he will have any number of women fancying him even if he looks like Johnny Vegas.

If he actually is hot, then times that by a few million.

Them's the facts.

OTheHugeManatee · 06/03/2012 11:43

YABU. Your problem isn't with this woman, it's with your own insecurity. Sort your self-image out, don't make it everyone else's problem - jealousy is phenomenally unattractive.

OrmIrian · 06/03/2012 11:49

Wow! I wish someone would say something like that about my DH! If they did mind you I'd be having serious doubts about the sort of fantasies they were in the habit of having

You are being silly. She said she finds him attractive. She didn't say she was planning on seducing him and more importantly he didn't say he was planning on seducing her.

mrspepperpotty · 06/03/2012 12:37

YANBU to feel jealous - it's natural.

A few years ago, my DH shared a taxi to the station with a female colleague after an office night out. She was married with a DD. She told him she fancied him and tried to kiss him!

They were working closely together at the time and for quite a few months afterwards. I have met her, she is tall and very slim, while I was pregnant with DC2 at the time and am 'curvy' at the best of times.

He turned her down . At least that's what he told me, and I believed him and I trusted him.

It was a difficult time for me, but four years down the line, DH and I are still together and still happy, now have 3 DC, while she is divorced and a single mum.

Original poster

MistyMountainHop · 06/03/2012 13:52

just read through all the replies

i am not surprised lots of you thought i was being nutty U

i wish i didn't feel like this, its not dh or even the woman i am angry with, its the situation and yes i do feel insecure but that comes from me, no one else

i met DH when i used to be a singer in a band.... ironically. so top marks to the poster who remembered that :)

OP posts:

GinPalace · 06/03/2012 13:58

I am constantly amazed that more people in the world aren't fancying the pants off my dh cos I think he's gorgeous... it's a weird old world.

She may well have said it very flippantly even though it is true - she is married etc... so doesn't mean she has set her sights on him.

Relax, don't feel insecure, I happen to know that a really fit bloke who is a catch thinks you're the D's B's.

Memoo · 06/03/2012 14:04

I've read a few of your threads now misty and you do need to think about some kind of therapy. You are very insecure and it will eventually have a negative affect on your relationship.

piprabbit · 06/03/2012 14:09

I think the key word is 'fantasies'. She is admiring from afar.
She didn't actually say 'I want to steal him from his wife and roger him senseless in real life'.

Original poster

MistyMountainHop · 06/03/2012 14:55

lol @ ginpalace :)

OP posts:

mrsnesbit · 06/03/2012 15:04

oooh misty i would be really mad too!

My dh plays guitar and the last gig he did he had a lassy follow him around after the gig, i didnt feel comfortable AT ALL, he giggled a bit and referred to her as "his stalker". That was that tbf.

She even asked him if i was his wife..whcih he of course said yup...she carried on stroking his arm and talking in his ear...even though he was giving it... & . In the end he actually moved away from her and walked off......i had to leave as i was driving some one home.

I hate to think of some one lusting after my dh, cant help it, i AM insecure i admit it,

I just cannot fathom how any one would be so blatant knowing that he is married and that she is married too!

yanbu for me, a fellow insecure nut job here

MardyArsedMidlander · 06/03/2012 15:41

Could be worse. One of my colleagues was talking about another workmate's husband and said 'Well. I think you'd be REALLY shocked if you saw him'. I don't think she meant because he was so unbelievably handsome...

Perhaps married men should start wearing burkas? Then if you're married to a munter, you could pretend he was just so good looking you couldn't trust other women not to ravish him.

fedupofnamechanging · 06/03/2012 15:55

I think it was a bit tactless of your friend to pass along this little comment, but she probably just made a throwaway remark with no bad intention. She probably didn't intend for your dh to ever know about it.

Generally though, I think it is bad manners to openly admit to fancying someone else's husband/wife - it's disrespectful imo.

GinPalace · 06/03/2012 15:59

Maybe she thought OP would be flattered. :)

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 06/03/2012 16:06

You do sound insecure, but I can relate to that.I once had a "friend" who constantly told me and other people we knew how great my DP was/is. She even said to me once "you better treat him right Desperately, or I'll nab him off you! HAHAHAHAHA!" That got my back up. Partly because she was really pretty, and skinnier than me and partly because DP can be a right arse at times so someone constantly telling me how lucky I was to have him when I'd just had a barney with him. Grrrrr!

Please dont let this get to you though. If your OH is as great as this woman seems to think, you're a lucky girl

RubyFakeNails · 06/03/2012 16:07

YABU, in fact completely ridiculous.

You're annoyed someone fancies your DH, but if he's attractive as you say he is then do you really think you're the only person to fancy him? I'm sure lots of women he interacts with or just passes in the street might fancy him, why does it matter?

She said he's the stuff of fantasies, which aside from sounding like a 13yr old, makes this woman pretty harmless.

Just try and think of someone like Johnny Depps wife, she must experience this all the time, i doubt shes got the hump about it why would you?

Friends an I always talk about eachothers husbands, would we or wouldnt we etc, its just harmless fun, get over yourself.

Tryharder · 06/03/2012 16:12

LOL at Ineedacleaner. If I see a tasty bloke nowadays, I think to myself "If I were 20 years younger, I would have gone for him".

shockers · 06/03/2012 16:15

Somehow, I think some people think 'performers' are fair game for these kind of comments... like they sing/play an instrument for attention, rather than because it's something they are good at and can make a living from. DH is a singer and musician and gets 'offers' frequently. I've had other women tell me how much they fancy him on many occasions... even expressing surprise that he's married to me . He finds it mildly amusing to quite annoying, in degrees.

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 06/03/2012 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carabos · 06/03/2012 17:13

It seems to me that the problem here OP is that someone fancies your DH and you know about it, rather than toddling on in blissful ignorance as you surely must have been doing previously given that he's the stuff of fantasies and in a band and everything.

If it had never occurred to you before that your incredibly fit and talented DH might be attractive to women other than you, and you have had close quarters experience having been in a band yourself, then frankly my dear, you need your bumps felt.

IvanaHumpalot · 07/03/2012 08:11

It's fine to window shop as long as you don't open your purse.

echt · 07/03/2012 08:22

YABU.

I've been affecting yawns as DH, recently returned from the ginormous Picasso exhibition in Sydney, told me how often he was hit on by older queens.

Meh, happens all the time.

Scholes34 · 07/03/2012 09:08

As my very Catholic aunt used to say "Just because you're on a diet it doesn't mean you can't look at the menu!"

Mrsjay · 07/03/2012 09:14

you are jealous and jealousy makes people Bitter and a bit ARGHHH about things , calm down your husband is a good looking man and women find his attractive be smug he is married to you calm down this isnt worth getting al hot and bothered

MrsBeakman · 07/03/2012 09:29

The girl has probably gone off with her tail between her legs and probably now hates your husband and all the other band members after they told her she can't be in the band as her singing isn't good enough.

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