over dh calling me fat?

[doublechocchip]

Sitting at home the other evening and I was chatting to my dh relaying some comments my dad had made about a cousin of mine who is overweight (wasn't agreeing or disagreeing just telling dh as part of a story) then dh chipped in with "I don't know what he's on about he's fat himself and he has a fat son in law (meaning him) and a fat daughter". I was taken aback by this, I asked him whether he thought I was fat and he replied "well you;re not slim are you".

I told him that his comment really hurt and I went to bed but I just can't get it out of my mind now.

dh joined slimming world in january and has become quite evangelical about food/dieting and is doing really well but gives me these looks when Im eating a treat etc. The worst of it is as well is that his comment wasn't said in anger but matter of fact so I know that is exactly how he thinks.

I lost almost 3 stone for my wedding last year and some has crept back on over christmas and not being as rigid as I was but I don't mind the way I look at the moment and am quite a confident person this has just knocked me a bit. Currently I am a size 14. What do I do now? should I just let it go or aibu letting it bother me so much?

OK i give up I am going !! I was relating to the fact that posters had said a size 14 overweight not an obese child which is obviously different

Thanks for all replies, good to see an outer perspective. You are right, I will need to start losing more weight and increase my exercise. I generally like the way I look and take pride in my appearance but could do better. I suppose I just associate the word 'fat' with being totally unnatractive which is why the comment stung.

You should let him know that you make that connection with the word 'fat' OP because it sounds as though he's unaware.

Just slap him with a wet fish and make him repent

Good luck with the weight loss

StepfordWannabe i think perceptions have been skewed by whats in the celebrity magazines and FHM etc (yes the mens mags are just as bad) and that is why some people see size 14 as big.
My DOCTOR told me NOT to go below 10 stone 6 as its wrong for my build and i will take a doctors advice first, not what i see on the front of Grazia,Heat et al.

And im 5 foot 5 so not tall.

What sort of build are you? Surely your Doc should be concentrating on your BMI rather than your weight carer?

Perceptions have definitely been skewed by magazines but they've also been skewed by the average size being 16 since obesity has been steadily climbing for so many years.

Almost half the women in Britain who are of child bearing age, are overweight or obese.

That in itself would skew anyone's perception because even being slightly overweight ourselves, would make us look at others and think we're quite slim IYSWIM.

I think there is too much tip-toeing around the word 'fat', for fear of offending people.

I have a friend who calls herself 'curvy', because 'curvy' doesn't need to address the problem whereas 'fat' does.

I am also 5'7". I had a very brief relationship with size 14 and I was, quite definitely, fat.

Yes, more than half of british women is overweight. Yes, being overweight is unhealthy. But it doesn't stop someone being gorgeous. Fat doesn't mean ugly, which is what the original post is about. I'm sure in her DHs mind, the OP is fat and beautiful.

I still stand by my statement that I think Adele is beautiful. She may have beautiful clothes, she may have beautiful hair and make up. That's what a great stylist can do for you. It doesn't stop the fact that she is very glamorous while at the same time being fat.

PS. I'm 5'3 and size 6/8. So I'm not defending this because I'm overweight. I also wish Gok will come and sort my wardrobe out. I'm definitely not as beautiful as Adele.

I left but returned to say after meeting up with friend we discussed this and as a point said healthier to be a size 14 than a size 8 smoker unhealthy eater. I am a 34 b 28 waist 36 hip and 38 bum I was confident and happy and cycle 5 miles a day and eat well now am I deluded !!??

I would agree that a size 14, unless you are tall, is overweight. But that doesn't make it fat. Most people would look at someone who was medically overweight and consider them aesthetically normal weight.

Overweight/underweight are medical terms and shouldn't require tact or have any emotion attached.

Fat and thin are very different words, much more emotive. Fair enough some people wouldn't be beothered by being called fat but, presumably, the OP's husband knows her very well and knows that she would be! Therefore he shouldn't have said it.

Height does play such a huge part in sizes though - how tall are you OP?
I'm only 5'1" and, if I was a size 14, I'd probably be emdically obese! I'd even be overweight in a size 10! But someone of 5'10" would look pretty thin at a 14 I would have thought.

It's better for him to be truthful than lie, because before you know it you will be a size 18, depressed, yelling, 'why didn't anyone tell me I was fat!'.

When i was a size 14 i wore a size 34 bra. But i had an F cup. You try getting that size in any bra shop.
34 is not a big measurement
I have big boobs a small waist and bigger hips.
I actually discussed this thread at my SW group tonight and the consensus was that "some people like going on to internet threads to wind people up"
i already had trouble getting skirts to stay up as i have a naturally small waist which actually gets commented on even now when im trying to lose weight again.
4 and a half pounds off this week so im doing something about it which is the main thing.

Whilst it's true that some people like to 'wind people up' sometimes, I find it sad that it was the general consensus (if you explained all of the thread)

But perhaps you would have had the same reaction from a smoking cessation group, had the thread been about smoking...or from an AA meeting had it been about alcohol.

Some people will agree/disagree/dismiss different view points on all sorts of subjects...that's what makes internet forums so interesting I suppose.

It kind of attracts 'broader' opinions rather than a general consensus all round at times.

Sorry I meant 'rather than a general consensus from a minority group of people.'