over dh calling me fat?

[doublechocchip]

Sitting at home the other evening and I was chatting to my dh relaying some comments my dad had made about a cousin of mine who is overweight (wasn't agreeing or disagreeing just telling dh as part of a story) then dh chipped in with "I don't know what he's on about he's fat himself and he has a fat son in law (meaning him) and a fat daughter". I was taken aback by this, I asked him whether he thought I was fat and he replied "well you;re not slim are you".

I told him that his comment really hurt and I went to bed but I just can't get it out of my mind now.

dh joined slimming world in january and has become quite evangelical about food/dieting and is doing really well but gives me these looks when Im eating a treat etc. The worst of it is as well is that his comment wasn't said in anger but matter of fact so I know that is exactly how he thinks.

I lost almost 3 stone for my wedding last year and some has crept back on over christmas and not being as rigid as I was but I don't mind the way I look at the moment and am quite a confident person this has just knocked me a bit. Currently I am a size 14. What do I do now? should I just let it go or aibu letting it bother me so much?

Oh ok, so yes, you would have a better idea than just looking at figures.

Size 14 is not fat. The national average size these days is size 16. If you take My sunshine's advice and talk to him, end the discussion by telling him that if he ever says you are fat again, you will punch his bloody lights out!

Well he acknowledged that he himself is fat, and he said that first - would have been much worse if he'd just said, he's fat and he has a fat daughter. I agree people become fatist when dieting, I did.

Size 14 probably means overweight unless perhaps you are tall, I was overweight (fat) when I was a size 14. If it bothers you lose the weight.

The average person in this country, is fat. S

Unless you're around 5'9 5'10, you are at the very upper limit of normal weight if you are a size 14 so size 14 can be fat.

Unless you are either an athlete or have massive knockers.

I am 5'8 and just able to squeeze into my 12's (should really buy 14s) and trust me, I have a lot of wasted fat that needs to go!

Im currently dieting at the mo and i wouldnt dream of saying something like this to anyone.
However there is a very mature woman at my slimming class who keeps telling people what weight they should be and making snide comments if she thinks they havent lost enough.
It is UNHEALTHY to lose weight too fast and can cause gallstones. I know because this happened to me.
I think some of your partners have been looking at too many High Street Honeys.
I think the celebrity culture and the obsession with weight has skewed mens perceptions as much (if not more) as womens.

My DH's weight tends to fluctuate and when he's fit and slim he's fucking insufferable and smug about it. I mostly ignore him and have another biscuit. Luckily at the moment, he's a chubby bastard so he's keeping it shut.

If you're happy with yourself, then tell him to piss off and stop being so bloody rude.

he has accidentally hit a nerve hasn't he. do you feel you are fat? what do you think of your BMI? could you use his comment in a positive way - to help you to loose that extra stone or what ever? I think you wouldn't have been offended if you felt more secure about your present size.

For some people, myself included, fat isn't an emotive word.

I am fat. The opposite of thin. Medically, physically I am fat. If someone said I was fat in the same manner as your DP I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest as it is factually true.

Regards dress size, it has little correlation to individual weight, and is based more on measurements. Quite often you will find someone who is deceptively heavy or light, who would fit into a different size to that you would assume.

The national average doesn't mean that a 14 isn't necessarily on the fat side...

Most people, even tall people, are veering well into overweight territory at a size 16.

I am 5'9" and a size 11 (if there was such a size) and still have a bit of muffin top and can pinch an inch of thigh.

I am not about to waste away any time soon, so someone shorter than me at a 16 could well be overweight, even though they might also be the national average.

'Fat' is such a loaded word and one which most people are very sensitive to. OP - I would just have it out with him, and tell him to knock such comments on the head and to have a bit of cop-on. You spared making him feel like shit - time for him to return the favour. His comments aren't helping anyone.

Oh he has definitely found 'slim religion' hasn't he? Sorry that you were hurt by his comment OP. I think he made it to bolster his argument at what your Dad said, ie. overweight runs in the family.

Musing idly, a size 14 or 12 or even 10 nowadays is not the same size as it was. People do have different views of what is and isn't slim. That's not to say that you're fat at all though and if you're healthy and happy in your skin that's all that matters.

I think you should tell him how his comment made you feel and ask him not to refer to your weight.

From the way you describe it, it doesn't sound like he means to hurt. Just stating his opinion. He's being insensitive, yes. But I think you over reacted. You sound like you aren't happy with your weight.

If you´re happy with the way you look, what does it matter?

He used fat to mean "not slim" by the sounds of things.

Should he have said "overweight", "could do with losing a bit"-it all means the same.

am a bit sad that he feels he can say things like this to me when he's been dieing for 6 weeks when I worked hard for 8 months and never insulted him.

He is not you and he will say and do things differently, just because you make him a cup of tea every morning doesn't mean he has to do the same for you every evening - things don't work like that.

So you never told him he is fat
He has told you you are fat

you are not him and he is not you

I think yabu, he is as you have said 'morbidly obese' that in itself when you have also said that (he) 'gives me these looks when Im eating a treat' maybe your dp struggling to lose weight and would much rather you help rather than hinder. BTW I am overweight and am trying to lose weight my dp can be insensitive at times. Are you helping him with his weight loss?

I'm 5ft 9, 12 1/2 stone and a size 14. I have a BMI of just over 25 I think, which makes me overweight.

My mum says I look better slimmer.

My nan says I'm too slim. (She is REALLY overweight!)

My husband (when asked) says I'm chubby.

I could cry when I look at myself naked. I am normally 10 1/2 stone but since my forth baby 2 years ago, the weight has just piled on. I weigh more now than I did at 40 weeks pregnant with an 11lb baby!!!

I think your Husband was being a liitle bit insensitive, but quite truthful. A size 14 is not slim. On the other hand, now that he knows that his comment hurt you, he would be very unreasonable to say it again!

12 1/2 stone at 5ft9 and BMI of just over 25 is slighlty overweight- about 7lbs out of the healthy weight range. If you are crying over 7lbs it may be time to address your self esteem rather than your weight. Maybe you look a bit better to some and feel better in yourself but to be crying over it makes me for you happy

I don't cry often! Just when I'm trying to fit into a size 14 pair of chinos in a changing room and my belly and back fat is bulging over the top! I know I'm not fat, but I am definitely fatter than I am happy with, and that's all that matters really.

I was just about to say there may be nothing wrong with happy's self esteem

When I let myself gain far too much weight, I was still a size 10 (5ft 3ins)

But my belly grew massive and hung over my jeans/trousers

Yet my BMI was still well within healthy range...but because I was slim all over except for my waist, the BMI was no indication of how fat I was.

I think the very best tools we can use is our eyes and our honesty.

YABU to let it bother you so much. It's not a great thing to say. It may be factually true but not nice. So, YANBU to be upset but he's NBU to say it. A size 14 isn't usually a healthy size unless you're tall. But, you have self-esteem so don't worry about it.

A size 14 isnt a healthy size unless you are tall. Wow .......just wow!!!

Nope, unless you're above average height (which the OP doesn't specify), it's unlikely to be a healthy weight. If you're above average height, it may well be a healthy weight. It all depends on body type. But at average height, a size 14 isn't healthy. Fact. But if you don't care, I doubt my comment on an internet thread is going to matter much. And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter much.

If you're not fat then you should be hurt by his comments. All that weight loss is impressive and I think I would be upset if someone said something to me after those efforts.

Personally, I call myself fat as it is true, 11 months on from having my 2nd child I am the same weight as when I was pregnant! I will ask my DP if I'm fat looking and the last time he was diplomatic, 'i think we are both carrying a bit extra'. Which I take to mean yes you do but I don't mind the truth, I do mind that it hasn't shifted at all this time around. I went to the doctors today with my 4 year old and 11 month old and she said,'wow, congratulations you're pregnant'. - I'm not!

In my case ten years ago i went from 21 stone down to 11 stones ten years ago which took me from size 28 down to size 14 and everyone said how slim i looked and im 5 foot 5 so not tall. My bra size went from a 46G down to a 34F
I think it does depend on your build.
In fact my doctor told me not to go below 10 stone 6 as its wrong for my build.

Wow we are wearing our extra large judgey pants today aren't we?

Those declaring size 14 to be an unhealthy size must be utterly surprised that I, as a size 22 am still standing.

I have recently lost a lot of weight (6 stone) this is about half of what I need to lose to reach my 'healthy BMI' target. I've gone from having a BMI of 53 to 39. So officially I've gone from being morbidly obese to just plain old obese. :) My weight loss is on the back burner at the moment as I've become pregnant after years of TTC (possibly because of the weight loss) so I'm keeping up the healthier eating mostly but not actively trying to lose more. Though I do weigh less at week 20 than I did at booking in helps that booking in appointment was just after Christmas

I would probably still call myself fat if asked to describe myself. I do have quite a bit of it under my bump. But I find comments like 'Wow, you are looking good/slimmer/healthier' more motivating than 'Gosh, you're still big/fat/obese'.

I hope I haven't been insensitive to my DH since I started losing weight. He's just in the obese category (BMI 32) and weighs a little less than me got me pregnant just soon enough to stop me from overtaking/undertaking him I do sometimes get annoyed when he complains about his weight and wanting to lose weight without doing anything about it. I understand, because I used to do the same, but he must be able to see that I had to change loads to lose weight, and he's annoyed because he hasn't managed to lose more than a few pounds over the same time - but he's still eating much more than I do. I think its one of those things though that you have to be in the right frame of mind to change.

A lot of our eating is/was emotional, and in order to lose weight I had to really internalise the lesson that food could only make me feel 'better' momentarily. At the moment, DH feels he needs that momentary comfort even though he knows it doesn't help in the long term. I just have to be ready to support him when/if he's ready to lose weight or if he decides he's happy where he is.

Obviously our baby will be the focus of our attention once it's born. But once I've recovered from the birth and established breastfeeding, I'm going to get right back into losing weight so that my body is more healthy for any future pregnancies and so that I can model a better relationship with food/exercise for baby.

It's up to you how you feel about being a size 14. I know that fom my perspective it seems slim because I can barely remember fitting into size 14s (have a strong memory of my sister and I going clothes shopping and not fitting into a size 14 and the sales assistant saying loudly 'your friend needs a size 16' and my sister replying 'shes not my friend' I would have been a young teenager). However, others feel that a size 14 is big for them and they'd start losing weight at that size.

If the comment made you feel bad then please tell him that it did and that you didn't realise he saw you like that. I'm sure he'll be more sensitive in future if he's normally a good guy.

I think the problem is that tendancy to associate uglyness/unattractiveness with being called fat. He probably didn't mean it that way at all, he was probably making an offhand comment about size (perhaps even thinking of you before you lost the weight) and not about your attractiveness to him.