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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that DH is at a dinner party while DS has temp of 102?

73 replies

chipping · 05/03/2012 20:53

i'm waiting for a call back from a nurse (NHS Direct). DS (12 months) has been vomiting since 5am on & off, has finally settled, high temp. kept down 3oz milk this afternoon. nothing since. he's very lethargic, he's usually running around and v noisy.

DH is aware but we had planned to go to a dinner party tonight - he went, I didn't - not even on my radar with a sick child.

sorry - ds crying, have to go

OP posts:
EirikurNoromaour · 05/03/2012 20:55

Did you need his help? I'm not sure both of you are necessary tbh.

faeriemoo · 05/03/2012 20:56

How does your DH normally react when your DS is ill? Could it be that he knows he's not much use at home and that your DS prefers you and he'd just be in the way.
I assume if your DS was to become seriously ill, your DH would be there in a heartbeat?

Blatherskite · 05/03/2012 20:56

I'd be upset too. No way I'd leave a child that sick with babysitters and back-up for the almost inevitable clean ups would be nice!

OnlyWantsOne · 05/03/2012 20:58

I think YABU

hope your son is better but really, who cares that your DH is out? Hed come home if needed woudnt he?

thisisyesterday · 05/03/2012 20:58

did you discuss him going before he went? did he ask if you'd like him to stay?

i can understand that after a miserable day you would appreciate him being ther eto share the care

Northernlurker · 05/03/2012 20:58

Did you ask him not to go? Is this the first time you've faced the dinner party/sick child scenario?

Personally I think a sick child needs one parent, most often mum. Any other dcs need the other parent to deal with them. With one small child and a minor bug in the offing there's no reason for both to cancel. He should have considered you might go and him stay at home but if you were very clear you weren't going then he may have read that wrong.

bumbums · 05/03/2012 20:59

I hope he will be sober when he gets in and does not disturb either you or DS.

I don't see why you should have to worry and care for ds by yourself when he's so poorly.

Get dh back if you are taking him to out of hours or a&e.

Hope the little fella is better soon.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 05/03/2012 21:00

Blimey, who throws dinner parties on a Monday night?

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 21:00

He's coming home after dinner isn't he?

So someone will be there with you to help during the night if needed?

Why do you need two adults there of an evening for one sick child?

joanofarchitrave · 05/03/2012 21:00

Entertain yourself by reading Persuasion. There's nowt new under the sun.

parakeet · 05/03/2012 21:00

Yes it's probably nothing serious but it can be upsetting when a 12-month-old is vomiting and has fever, and moral support would have been nice. Practical help for the clean-ups too.

But did you tell him you wanted him to stay or are you just upset that he should have chosen to stay?

troisgarcons · 05/03/2012 21:02

Is it an important dinner party? Work related? job security? promotion?

Sometimes, things have to be done.

And lets be honest - him being at home isn;t going to make a temperature abate. Its a vomiting bug, not the end of the world.

susiedaisy · 05/03/2012 21:03

I can understand you being upset, will he be drinking or staying sober so he could be back and driving you to out of hours gp if necessary, that would be the decider for me tbh

ceeveebee · 05/03/2012 21:06

Is the dinner party joint friends, or friends/business contacts of your DH? If joint then I there is no way my DH would go without me leaving me to care for a sick child. Why could he not stay at home instead and give you some time off?

M25Meltdown · 05/03/2012 21:06

Dinner party, on a Monday ?

Pornyissue · 05/03/2012 21:06

I wouldn't be happy because you need two parents, one to comfort and clean child, one clean up sick etc- the practical stuff

But also looking after asick child is exhausting I would want break.

M25Meltdown · 05/03/2012 21:07

And if it is work related, you need to suck it up.

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 21:07

I've had people for dinner on a Monday before.

Why is this considered odd?

Most people eat dinner every day don't they!

Proudnscary · 05/03/2012 21:07

YABU

Your ds needs one parent to look after him.

Children get sick, children get high temperatures.

I hope your ds gets better soon, I'm sure he will.

faeriemoo · 05/03/2012 21:08

"I wouldn't be happy because you need two parents, one to comfort and clean child, one clean up sick etc- the practical stuff"

Yep, people just cannot possibly do this on their own. When one of my DDs are sick, I just sit in a corner, look meek and cry out for someone to help.

Original poster
chipping · 05/03/2012 21:09

Oh I know - I'm just having a moan!!! YES, I am being unreasonable.

DH left for work early ...

I woke 5am & went into DSroom - he was lying face down on vomit, choking. just a bit of a shock.

No it doesn't need 2 parents - that's true & DS does prefer me.

just having a moaning old rant, doing school run with DS wrapped in blanket covered in sick while DH drinks lots of wine, I juggle 4DCs. rant over.

OP posts:
Pornyissue · 05/03/2012 21:10

You have 4 dc's! You had a horrible shock too with the choking.

No way are you unreasonable I would be furious, my dh would have stayed

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 05/03/2012 21:11

I think you are feeling 2 things

  1. Why doesn't he feel concerned enough about his son to stay
  2. Why does it always fall to you to do the caring

The thing I find most stressful about motherhood is that I am the rock - I don't have the choice - I need to make the ultimate decision and I am the one who has to be there

Whereas DH is able to step back and think - well she's dealing with that and she has obviously thought about it so i may as well go out.

DH does accept that and in this situation he would come home sober and get up with sick child.

Pozzled · 05/03/2012 21:11

How often does your DH go out/see the friends who he'll be seeing tonight? If the dinner party is no big deal, then I'd probably expect him to offer to stay home. If it is an unusual or important event, then I don't see the problem as long as he has a mobile on and isn't drinking much so he can come home ready to help if needed.

(Disclaimer: I'm probably biased, having left DH a couple of weeks ago with a sick 3 year-old and a very hard-to-settle bf baby. In my defence, it was my second 'real' night out since the baby was born, and it was an event that couldn't be re-arranged which I had been looking forward to for weeks. I also made sure he was ok with it)

I hope your DS is better soon.

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 21:11

Aah chipping.

It's ok to moan.

Have a nice cuppa and try to get some sleep so you won't be too tired tomorrow on the assumption that you're in for a rough night.

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