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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset that DH is at a dinner party while DS has temp of 102?

73 replies

chipping · 05/03/2012 20:53

i'm waiting for a call back from a nurse (NHS Direct). DS (12 months) has been vomiting since 5am on & off, has finally settled, high temp. kept down 3oz milk this afternoon. nothing since. he's very lethargic, he's usually running around and v noisy.

DH is aware but we had planned to go to a dinner party tonight - he went, I didn't - not even on my radar with a sick child.

sorry - ds crying, have to go

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 05/03/2012 21:11

If her is still really unwell tomorrow I would take a urine sample to the GP to check for a UTI. Untreated urine infections have serious implications.

I hope he feels better soon.

my2centsis · 05/03/2012 21:11

YANBU I would be upset/cross about this too!!

I have a sick 3 month old and a sick 4yo. Dp is at work but wish he was here to help me. Would be a completely diff situation if he has chosen to go out when I needed him!!

Hope your dc is feeling better!

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 05/03/2012 21:11

xpost

YANBU - he should have stayed

everlong · 05/03/2012 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 05/03/2012 21:12

but faeriemoo, i am sure you would welcome some help if it was available no?

I don't thnk it's unreasonable for the OP to wish her husband would have stayed at home after the day she has had....
of course one parent can look after a sick child, but it's nice to have some help isn't it?

Pozzled · 05/03/2012 21:13

X-post.

I do sympathise, it's horrible looking after sick children especially when you have to deal with older ones as well. I hope your DH does his share tonight.

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 21:15

Thisis unless one of my kids is very very ill, I would not care if my DH was there.

All three of my boys came down with chicken pox and my DH wasn't there.

I managed.

I was tired, dog-tired by the end of the week, but I managed.

We've become too soft really.

OP has said she's just moaning, but actually two adults to take care of one sick child is OTT.

faeriemoo · 05/03/2012 21:15

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable to rant about it, have never suggested that she was.

I think it's unreasonable for someone to suggest that one person is incapable of dealing with it on their own.

OP you're totally justified in being annoyed with him, and feeling shit and run down. I hope your wee one picks up soon.

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 21:17

And if anybody thinks 2 aduls is a must, god forbid the day you actuallly get a sick child and have to stay in hospital!

sunshineandbooks · 05/03/2012 21:19

Well I'm a single mother who has to do it all by herself and I'm still a bit pissed off on the OP's behalf. Just because most mothers can cope on their own doesn't mean they should have to.

4 DC, one of whom is a 12-month-old and she's having to do the school run with a vomiting child. That's hard going.

If the dinner party is work-related, then fair enough the DH doesn't really have much choice and can go off provided he acknowledges how lucky he is to have the OP at home to deal with it all. But if this balance of responsibility is typical and he's not making it up to her in other ways, it's not on.

Sapphirefling · 05/03/2012 21:20

YANBU. You have three other kids to care for as well ?
I'm a single parent so don't buy the needing 2 parents thing but if there are 2 parents there, then they should share the load if a child is sick.

Pornyissue · 05/03/2012 21:21

Good post sunshine

PeppaIsBack · 05/03/2012 21:22

chipping, actually YANBU.
You have been looking after your dc who was ill all day and looking after another 3 dcs.
You see your DH going out wo a second thought to go to a 'dinner party' (I am assuming there it is NOT work related). I wouldn't be happy that he hadn't asked if I needed a break for the evening.

I don't think it need 2 people to look after a dc who is ill. But when there is one child who is unwell, it would be ice to have some help to look after the other dcs, especially when there are 3 of them.
It doesn't make anybody 'soft'. And of course, you can and have been able to cope on your own. That's not the issue. It's more about the fact that they are all his children too and therefore I would expect that the childcare duty would be shared, especially in these circumstances.

PeppaIsBack · 05/03/2012 21:24

xpost. I think we are all saying the same thing here Grin

PattiMayor · 05/03/2012 21:25

I'm with sunshine. There's no way I would go to a dinner party if I had one very sick kid and another three in the house. That's really crappy behaviour

Original poster
chipping · 05/03/2012 21:26

thank you for good wishes. i'm a moaning old bag having a shit day Grin

ds on my knee now - we both have puke in our hair & clothes - tres fashionable. dh won't be back tonight. v pissed. i suppose the need for 2 adults is because of having 4dcs. not 2 adults to deal with one sick dc iyswim?

OP posts:
leftmysociallifeatthedoor · 05/03/2012 21:27

Oh these thread always deteriorate into 'well I have 12 children with multiple illnesses and I cope with it all with not a thought of negativity'.

Imo yanbu. I CAN cope with pretty much anything but if there's an option not to have to do it alone when its something scary / worrying / tiring then I'd go with that. There are no medals for being a parenting martyr.

thisisyesterday · 05/03/2012 21:27

other people have also made the point that if your child gets worse and needx to go to hospital your partner is not available to look after the other children, which is bad really.

i think i'd have accepted my partner going, but i'd have been happier if he had said he wouldn't drink so that he could get home if we needed him

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 21:28

I was a single-mother and I managed just fine.
It's not great, but it's really no big deal either.

OP was having a moan, which is absolutley her right and I feel for her. Did anyone see the part where she said this!

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 21:29

Yes thisis but he could come home couldn't if that happened couldn't he?

He's eating dinner in somebody else's house, not jetted off for a few days.

He can come back and watch the other children if need be.

Original poster
chipping · 05/03/2012 21:29

dinner party not work related - it's a weekly thing with friends.

can i also request a gold star for having one dc who has just come out of hospital (nothing serious)???

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 05/03/2012 21:30

even though he's very pissed?

thisisyesterday · 05/03/2012 21:30

and it's a weekly thing... so not like a one-off that he really needed to go to?

yeah, that would annoy me.

DamnBamboo · 05/03/2012 21:30

Ah, see now I think there's a problem.

He's very pissed?!

Why?

He knows you've got a sick child, and yet he's gone out and got steaming drunk.

Blatherskite · 05/03/2012 21:33

It's not work related, it's a weekly thing with friends that he could have easily missed.

You have 4 children to look after which is possible but not at all easy.

He can't even rush home to help in the event of another choking-on-vomit situation because he's too pissed.

Shock

Op YANBU to be pissed off!