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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why this guy is doing this to me

68 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 08:12

Three times now he has more or less begged me to come and see him then dissappears and can't be gotten hold off when I'm ment to being seeing him

I know what he is doing is wrong but I'm still a bit wtf you playing at ?

I'm 43 , its it unreasonable to ask him what's he's up to and say 'I think you are taking the piss , give me an explaination ' because I deserve one

Or should I just let it go and slide of quitely into the sunset

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 05/03/2012 08:21

3 times?? Walk away and don't look back, his loss

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 05/03/2012 08:21

Let it go. You won't get a decent explanation if you get one at all anyway, no matter how much you deserve it. Don't waste your energy.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 08:31

I know! I do have this overwelming urge to tell him I'm haceked off

But then I know that wouldn't do any good

OP posts:
ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 05/03/2012 08:33

When does he do the begging? Late? On a fri/sat night? Booty call?

Icelollycraving · 05/03/2012 08:35

Next time he texts you,text back 'who is this?'
Makes it v clear you have deleted his number,he may wonder why etc without you saying you are pissed off. If he replies with 'it's x' don't reply. Point across v clearly.

FetchezLaVache · 05/03/2012 08:38

The answer to your thread title is "because you let him"!

Don't let him any more, just disappear yourself. I like lolly's idea!

pinkyredrose · 05/03/2012 08:48

Yes to lollys idea! Don't let this loser waste any more of your time.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 09:22

I don't know ? If it was just a wanting sex booty call ..surely he'd be there for the booty call

OP posts:
PointTheFinger · 05/03/2012 09:25

Whatever you do, don't tell him it's hacked you off - I suspect he'd love this.

Do not contact him. If he contacts you, just say you're washing your hair so can't see him. Do this every time he calls. Be utterly indifferent. He'll get bored.

JaneMare · 05/03/2012 09:27

tell him how pissed off you are, tell him you're not wasting anymore time over him and mean it

laptopdancer · 05/03/2012 09:31

OP, I once had a mind messer. It really messed me up to the point that even though I knew we were "over" (inverted commas because we never really "were" iykwim) I couldnt let go because I was trying so hard to understand why he had behaved as he did. It looked for all the world like I was pursuing him for the few weeks after the whole "lets leave it" part, but it wasnt that, I just needed and felt I deserved to know why. I found it really hard to let go (not of him, but of trying to understand and felt I also deserved an explanation) and became so messed up that once, late at night, I called a really nice lady from the samaratins. (or similar, it was when I was a lot younger).

I felt so guilty as I was worried I'd be tying up the line for people who really needed them but she was very reassuring. My friends were sick of me emoting about the situation so I had no-one left to talk to.

The lady pointed out that we women put so much stock in words and also in understanding "why" and trying to tie things up to move on.She made me realise that we shouldnt be looking for words with guys, just actions and that sometimes you have to realise that you will never get an answer. Sometimes the guy doesnt even know why but even those who do will never give that explanation. So, thats what needs to be accepted and moved on from. It helped.
I just concluded he was a prick and more psychologically messed up than he could ever have made me. Mine was temporary, his was permanent.

laptopdancer · 05/03/2012 09:32

Short version...close the door on him. Let it go and slide away.

SarahStratton · 05/03/2012 09:32

I prefer the no contact whatsoever, disappearing method. I don't think you need to even bother with a 'who is this?', just ignore all texts and dint answer the phone to him, let it ring out.

Cherriesarelovely · 05/03/2012 09:34

Seriously OP, he is an utter knob. If he really wanted to see you, cared about your feelings and was a decent guy he wouldn't be behaving like this. Literally drop him like a stone. I agree with PointTheFinger don't even waste your breath telling him how pissed off you are OR do it briefly in a text and leave it at that. Whatever you do, don't engage in a discussion with him. I had a ridiculous sort of half relationship like this years ago. By the time I ended it I felt so confused I didn't know if I was coming or going. I ought to have stopped at the start!

Archemedes · 05/03/2012 09:35

I wouldnt even bother , meet some better take it down to experience.

maybe change your number so you're not tempted to ring him.

Cherriesarelovely · 05/03/2012 09:35

laptopdancer that is exactly what I mean! Well put!

laptopdancer · 05/03/2012 09:36

I had a ridiculous sort of half relationship like this years ago. By the time I ended it I felt so confused I didn't know if I was coming or going. I ought to have stopped at the start!

spot on advice

laptopdancer · 05/03/2012 09:36

Ah I see we agree Grin

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 10:13

every time he does this he say's 'soz but I've you a present'

The daft thing is a feel sorry for him and worry about him being fragile

OP posts:
JaneMare · 05/03/2012 10:16

that is daft, OP

he ignores you when he's asked to see you but buys you back again with gifts?

he's playing you - don't waste your time and energy

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 10:21

no I know he is but there is still part of me that want to demand an explaintion .....because I am really confused

The most bizarre thing is I broke it off with him about a year and wasn't the slightest bit interested until all this started happening.

Not that I'm interested ...I'm just confused .....and I don't think it's fair

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 05/03/2012 10:23

"The daft thing is a feel sorry for him and worry about him being fragile"

Oh please! He'll get over it. Twat.

HugeFurryWishingStool · 05/03/2012 10:24

Wow what a prize. Sounds like his head's up his arse, do you really want to get involved with a drippy manchild?

MrsBrownX · 05/03/2012 10:24

This happened to me too (same bloke?), I resumed contact with him out of curiosity really. He let me down twice, then tried to make another date. I saw sense a couple of days ago and just ignored his emails.

JaneMare · 05/03/2012 10:26

it's defnitely NOT fair, OP

that's why you should give this bloke a massive body-swerve.

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