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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why this guy is doing this to me

68 replies

CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 08:12

Three times now he has more or less begged me to come and see him then dissappears and can't be gotten hold off when I'm ment to being seeing him

I know what he is doing is wrong but I'm still a bit wtf you playing at ?

I'm 43 , its it unreasonable to ask him what's he's up to and say 'I think you are taking the piss , give me an explaination ' because I deserve one

Or should I just let it go and slide of quitely into the sunset

OP posts:
Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 10:31

would it still be ok if i wanted to have a mini rant at him .....and put my hands on my hips and say 'How dare you, how very fucking dare you.....do you think I'm some sort of girly who will come crawling whenever you beckon

The sad thing is a a getting ready to look for love again and this has just put me right off and set me back a year or two

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 05/03/2012 10:40

No,that would give him power,why on earth would you do that?! You have been there when he beckons,why blame him for thinking you won't. Stop,really.
I have done all sorts of crap in my single days,so I understand you want to get closure but there is no point. It makes you feel like crap,he will feel you are still in the wings when he throws you a bone (or gift??)

SwimmingThroughSickLullabies · 05/03/2012 11:20

Oh I had this with a guy once. A complete twunt who didn't know what he wanted. He was always opening the door then slamming it again when I got near then when I showed signs of moving on with someone else he would get really jealous etc.
In the end I just stopped the contact and moved on. He wasn't happy but I'm sure he's over it now.
Immature games like that are for high school not adulthood Xx

LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay · 05/03/2012 11:20

Ok can you please start LISTENING now OP? You've been given advice and STILL you talk about ranting, doing girly stuff (your words...) And whatever else? Um. Maybe this is why he is acting like it. yOU are now giving mixed msgs. It's like talking to a 'yes but...' teenager.
Jeeez you've had good advice.
Listen, or stop going on.....

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 11:22

I know ....i just annoyed his behaviour is making me be all grown up and question my own behaviour.

It would be easier if I could just tell jim to fuck off

I don't even really like him lol

OP posts:
Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 11:23

not jim fuck off ...just fuck off.......I can't even swear properly !!!

OP posts:
toddlerama · 05/03/2012 11:28

Would it help your disdain to realise that he is probably sending out a group message and hooking up with whoever replies first/best option?

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 11:29

LostmyIndentityAlongTheWay do you really think I've not been listening ? Do you really think I didn't feel completely stupid and confused and used before posting this post

I

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 05/03/2012 11:34

You don't even really like him??? So why are you posting on here? Confused

toddlerama · 05/03/2012 11:39

Sorry, OP. I just read back what I wrote and realised how mean it sounds. But I do know a guy who does things like this and he's so 'sweet'... Sad

PostBellumBugsy · 05/03/2012 11:40

Tell him to fuck off then. Text him & say your are done & he shouldn't contact you again. Ignore ALL texts from him thereafter. Men are a bit thick about this kind of thing - but total silence usually gets through eventually.
Don't be put off looking for love again by this twat. Find someone who is actually worthy of your love.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 11:41

well that's kind of the crux isn't it MsVestibule ....I really don't know

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 05/03/2012 12:00

When I was about 20 I was seeing a guy who was the original Mr Hot And Cold. I tried to be really grown up about it, levelled with him on several occasions and told him I really liked him and it therefore really hurt me when he rejected me. So the next time he tried it on, I assumed he must really mean it this time, because he wouldn't possibly do it to me again after I'd asked him nicely not to, would he?

I think it took about three more times before it eventually occurred to me that he perhaps he enjoyed the power he knew he had over me.

Seriously, the only thing to do with a guy like this is withdraw that power. And so what if he's fragile and he gets hurt? Why does the possibility of him getting hurt matter more than the reality of you getting hurt?

porcamiseria · 05/03/2012 12:02

dont contact him, and dont reply to next message. I knows its HARD to resists but trim, you deserve better

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 12:29

I suppose that's part of it FethezLaVeche I'm grown up now I shouldn't be having to be part of these games

OP posts:
iscream · 05/03/2012 12:47

I firmly believe in no contact, but also think it is ok, if he contacts you again, to tell him you are not a woman who is accustomed to being stood up by men, and to not contact you again. Then hang up on him, block his number & e-mails.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 12:52

the daft thing is though iscream whenever i do that he get's all 'wobbly' and starts saying stuff like 'I'm sorry about last time I've bought you a present'

I don't know I suppose in one way it makes me better about myself

OP posts:
aleene · 05/03/2012 12:56

Please just walk away. He has you on a string - why give him that power?

There are much nicer guys out there. Spend your time finding one of the nice ones. One who says what he means and does not run hot and cold on you.

JaneMare · 05/03/2012 13:00

i think he's trying to buy you, and it's working

pictish · 05/03/2012 13:00

OP, at the risk of sounding harsh - get a grip on yourself.

You say you don't even like him that much, but yet here you are allowing him to play with you like a toy to be switched on and off at his will.

Are you so desperate for male attention that you will play along, or are you a grown woman who knows she deserves to be treated right?

Tell him to fucking do one, and raise your expectations in the future.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/03/2012 13:01

"The daft thing is a feel sorry for him and worry about him being fragile"
His feigned fragility is not your responsibility.

"The sad thing is a a getting ready to look for love again and this has just put me right off and set me back a year or two"
And that could be the answer to your question of why he is doing this to you. Spite, sheer spite.

FreudianSlipper · 05/03/2012 13:22

it does not really matter why he does do not waste any more time thinking about it, could be he is married, has girlfriend, better offer in his eyes comes up, he gets a kick out of leading you on there are many reasons why he could be you will never find out

what matters is that he has and you have responded to him, you need really to ask yourself why three times

do not do it anymore you are wasting your time

lashingsofbingeinghere · 05/03/2012 13:32

OP, I suspect that behind your question of why this idiot behaves like this, is another question, is it something to do with Me?

Well, if it is, it's only to do with your willingness to be treated badly. You sound like a decent person who deserves better - you have been unfortunate in finding someone who doesn't seem able to appreciate you and treat you accordingly.

You could waste as long as you like "wondering" about all this. Take the Samaritan's advice and everyone else's on here and delete him from your life. You deserve better.

Original poster
CreamolaFoamless · 05/03/2012 13:33

blah just did a text ... In one way feel better in the other way i feel stupid

OP posts:
RomeosMother · 05/03/2012 13:36

Are you the lady with the son's girlfriend who lodges but you don't want her to?

If so, is this a symptom of a bigger picture?

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