SO FURIOUS.....Or am I being a bit of an old fart?

[ginger19]

Hurry on this one cause she is on her way over....I think.
Old friend.VERY crazy fun, loving etc. Has been there during the hard times. She is dramatic.It is always about her and her crazy dramas. Conversation always is about her. Sometimes I find this tiresome....I digress.

She dropped her ds at mine sat afternoon for sleepover to celebrate my DS turning 5. Agreed she would pick him up at 4 on sun. I was hosting a small party for family and friends and told her several times I would be tired.I have a 1 year old DD , and lots of family to cater for . She has a history of being late to pick him up....By hours. This has annoyed me so so much in the past, that I have promised my self NEVER to allow it to happen again. It invariably does as the boys are best friends,I love her and him, and I want every one to have a good time.

She is a single mum and struggles financially. Her life is not without hardship and I appreciate this and want to help...She is going out, having a night out, i GET IT...It is now 9.00. SCHOOL IN THE FUCKING MORNING.

I called her about 10 times before giving up and putting the boys to bed.My DS has ear ache. He is now in my bed . Now they are sleeping I get a TEXT .Sorry I missed your calls. I was sleeping..On my way over.

Her DS Has not even blinked. Not bothered by being left here for 2nd night in a row. I texted back." Come in the morning before 8 am.

I like a night out as much as the next girl. But you have to be wasted not to call/ wake up to pick up your kid.I feel it is not fair on any of us.
Am I being an up tight bitch?

Oh my god.You were all right.She turned up late this morning!My boy missed the bus.DH driving him to school late. I had to sleep on the freezing sofa because ds was kicking about in my bed.DD HAD HIGH FEVER...NOT A GOOD NIGHT.

When she got here she apologized .At first I said thats ok.We sat down, I offered her some tea and she said ..yeah I was up for like 2 nights( off her face)but i had so much fun. My phone was by my head and i slept through calls and alarm.....erm

Like I say,I find a confrontation with her hard.I just said I love you and your child.This was so so unfair on him, to watch all the other kids leave the party, to be left here, also not on for DH or me.You must not leave him like this with me or your mother or any other person...blah blah blah. She listened sheepishly, agreed and I changed the subject.I amobviously not the person that is going to change her.As some of you said....I must distance myself from her. I vow to find new company, I will meet her in the park and other places for our kids to enjoy each other.NO MORE ! DH is confused as to why I have such a " car crash person " in my life.

his dd is dead

In fairness, we don't know that he's not.

Whose dd?

Oh his dad.

She sounds completely selfish & irresponsible.

No you're friend is stupid, selfish and irresponsible.

A) to go out on a sunday night if you know you have a tendency to get wasted.
b) ask someone to babysit with school age children on a sunday night. and like above if you know you're unreliable.
c) to do this repeatedly.

What do you plan to say her when she gets here.

Oh you poor thing, bet you can't wait for bedtime tonight.

Remember how you've been feeling though because it may propel you to change - for the better. Pain/suffering can be very useful. You probably want to slap me for saying that. I'm sorry for what a horrid time you've had; you sound like a really nice friend and you deserve better.

Being friends with someone means having reasonably similar values. You can roll along for years without thinking about this until DC appear. Then the difference will show up in spades as yours has.
Why would you want someone like this in your life? You clearly do not believe in that it is OK to vaguely abandon a small child at someone's house and YANBU.
Don't invite her again. Your DS will find more friends.

Your friend sounds like a twat.

and she is taking the piss out of your good nature.

I can't believe you were so nice to her. She will never change if she doesn't get the riot act read to her... in fact it needs to be tattooed on her forehead.

She needs some serious help. AA? Please encourage her to get help, but at the same time put your foot down re. looking after her boy, unless it's an hour to go to an AA meeting. I feel so sorry for her little boy . She does need to sort herself out for his sake. The problem is, she probably knows she is doing wrong, but is in self destruct mode, and sadly that becomes her ds's destruction too.

She sounds like a complete knobhead. Her poor DS. She sounds horribly selfish, and not at all ashamed in telling you she had been off her nut for 2 nights in a row? Christ what a loser.

Thing is though you invited her in and made her a cup of tea and listened to her dull weekend tales. She won't have a clue that she has done anything wrong. And will just carry on using you.

You really need to put your foot down. I am sure watching you be used like this must exasperate your DH.

I'm a single mum & I would never, ever, ever treat my friends or more importantly DCs like this. I'm outraged on your behalf - that is so out of order.
You are right, you can't change her - but you do not have to tolerate that kind of behaviour ever again.

When she got here she apologized .At first I said thats ok.

This is where you went wrong, you told her it was ok that she completely an utterly took the piss. You have given her the red light to think that it's ok not to turn up when agreed as you will just accept it.

Even though you explained to her that it wasn't fair on her DS, you or DH, i am not sure it will make a difference TBH. She will be on her best behaviour for a bit then revert back to her ways, people like her usually do and if she thinks that you will pick up the slack then nothing will change.

It's up to you now to grow a backbone and say no to having her DS over, be strong and dont back down, it doesn't need to be cofrontaional.

Tell her it's not convenient/you have to go out etc, anything really....just to let her know that you will not take her DS when it suits her.

She will continue to walk all over you otherwise

Gobsmacked.

What a selfish cow she is!! Never in a million years would i presume to take the piss out of a friend the way she has. She is fully aware you dislike confrontation which is why she does it. I'll bet she wouldn't get away with it with anyone else, apart from you and her mother.

I agree i would not allow myself to be put in that position again, keep the friendship going with the boys but at a distance.

When she got here she apologized .At first I said thats ok.We sat down, I offered her some tea and she said ..yeah I was up for like 2 nights( off her face)but i had so much fun. My phone was by my head and i slept through calls and alarm.....erm

I think just refuse to take the child next time.

Sorry OP, I mean this nicely but you're a total mug. There is NO WAY you should have let your DS miss the bus. You shouldn't have waited for her. If her DS goes to school with no uniform, lunch, whatever, that is for HER to deal with. WTF did you say "that's ok" when she apologised? What's happened to you in the past that you think it's ok for anyone to treat you like this?

Just don't ever have her DS again. And I would let your DH have a word with this woman. Maybe he'll tell her what you can't or won't about her dreeadful behaviour. She's a nob.

You're going to have to end this relationship OP. If you don't like confrontation just avoid her, screen her calls and don't return messages. Do not accept her poor child, lovely though I'm sure he is, round your house ever again.

A friend's mum was like this mum. Not to my mum but to the mother of her younger daughters BF. I learned about it in conversation with my friend 5 years later.

The user mum had three children: my friend, who was 19 and at work, her brother who was 16/17 and another daughter of 13.

UserMum got married at 20 and had an awful marriage. Well-provided for but he was a serial philanderer. They divorced when the children were roughly the ages I've given and UserMum left them to live with a man she'd met on holiday. They moved abroad and set up in business.

UserMum would pay the mortage and provide living costs for her two youngest children and charge my friend board and lodging because she was a working adult.

Her 13 year old ended up virtually living at her best friend's because she was so miserable and there seemed no reason for her to stay with her family seeing as her own parents had left them. The divorced dad used to come round regularly but didn't see anything wrong in the arrangement.

FosterMum put up with it for about a year because she knew what a horrible marriage UserMum had and thought she deserved happiness. She also felt very sorry for the 13 year old.

She reluctantly told UserMum that it had to end because not only was she taking the piss, but because FosterMum felt very uneasy about taking responsibility for a 13 year old who was getting more and more mixed up and was developing behavioural problems that were affecting her own daughter.

UserMum's response was to offer FosterMum more money . FosterMum delivered the 13 year old home the next day and severed all contact.

My friend was totally on her own mother's side and thought FosterMum was a bitch who wanted to spoil her happiness. She didn't see why her father should take responsibility either and thought she was doing a good job as head of the household. She was actually, as far as she could, but it should never have been dumped on her.

Children often love their parents no matter how awful they are.

postbellum made a good point- never mind treating you like shit- how can she treaty her child like that??? She is creating a whole host of problems for that poor child when he becomes and adolescent and young man.

What a bloody shame.