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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SO FURIOUS.....Or am I being a bit of an old fart?

95 replies

ginger19 · 04/03/2012 21:05

Hurry on this one cause she is on her way over....I think.
Old friend.VERY crazy fun, loving etc. Has been there during the hard times. She is dramatic.It is always about her and her crazy dramas. Conversation always is about her. Sometimes I find this tiresome....I digress.

She dropped her ds at mine sat afternoon for sleepover to celebrate my DS turning 5. Agreed she would pick him up at 4 on sun. I was hosting a small party for family and friends and told her several times I would be tired.I have a 1 year old DD , and lots of family to cater for . She has a history of being late to pick him up....By hours. This has annoyed me so so much in the past, that I have promised my self NEVER to allow it to happen again. It invariably does as the boys are best friends,I love her and him, and I want every one to have a good time.

She is a single mum and struggles financially. Her life is not without hardship and I appreciate this and want to help...She is going out, having a night out, i GET IT...It is now 9.00. SCHOOL IN THE FUCKING MORNING.

I called her about 10 times before giving up and putting the boys to bed.My DS has ear ache. He is now in my bed . Now they are sleeping I get a TEXT .Sorry I missed your calls. I was sleeping..On my way over.

Her DS Has not even blinked. Not bothered by being left here for 2nd night in a row. I texted back." Come in the morning before 8 am.

I like a night out as much as the next girl. But you have to be wasted not to call/ wake up to pick up your kid.I feel it is not fair on any of us.
Am I being an up tight bitch?

OP posts:
FreudianSlipper · 04/03/2012 23:03

no you are not at all

she is being totally selfish, her being a single mother and having a bit of a hard time does not mean she can take the piss, if anything she should appreciate those that support her and she obvioulsy does not

i think you need to be honest and say how upset you are being taken advantage of and how unfair this is on you, your family and her own child

TheSecondComing · 04/03/2012 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BananasInBloomers · 04/03/2012 23:08

Her poor DS.She is royally taking the piss and will keep doing so until you pull her up on it.
you could say to her tomorrow:what was yesterday all about?you knew you were to pick up DS at 4pm,this is not on.I don't mind having him but I do mind being taken advantage of.

Cherriesarelovely · 04/03/2012 23:22

You know you are being perfectly reasonable! You absolutely cannot let your friend behave like this again. If you really, really like her then you could still see her but not have her DC for sleepovers. Whatever you do make sure she can't put you in this position again. It is so selfish and disrespectful not to mention uncaring towards her DC.

suburbophobe · 04/03/2012 23:40

My god, I'm a single mum and at 5 years old sleepovers would end by midday at the latest...

She's taking the piss, yes, you need to have a firm chat and say you will no longer enable her.

Sad that her son doesn't seem too bothered either when mum comes to collect him.

What TheSecondComing said crossed my mind too....

chunkythighs · 05/03/2012 01:38

There's no nice way of saying this but she is not your friend. She is a user and is being nice to you only to get what she wants. If you don't nip this in the bud now, it will get worse.

The fact that she is a single parent makes it worse. Speaking as a single parent-I appreciate anyone who would take my son for the night. Any responsible parent wouldn't do this on their friend or their child.

perfumedlife · 05/03/2012 01:54

Your friend doesn't like you op. She doesn't have any respect for you atall. She is a negligent mother and I would have nothing more to do with her. We all could do with a night off, doesn't mean you need to go on the tiles and sleep all the next day. Some folk clearly are not ready for motherhood, single or otherwise. Don't enable her, it doesn't actually help the little boy or force her to grow up.

jan2011 · 05/03/2012 05:31

that is so bad. your friend is clearly taking advantage and knows she can just get away with it - she just doesn't care how she treats you!

you can widen your social circile. i had this problem with my dh, (i know thats a bit different but still) and when things were going wrong i had noone or when he is unavailable, but i found new friends. i found them in church, in a baby group, then they introduced me to their friends, etc. just take some first steps and get out there to meet some new people you will be glad you did. it will be worth it to meet people who treat you with respect and as how you would treat others yourself. there are decent friends out there you don't have to be stuck with this one friend. good luck!

treadwarily · 05/03/2012 06:06

That is outrageous. Infact, 4pm after a sleepover for 5yos is late imo. I think 11am would have been plenty long enough.

I agree with the others that it's time to distance yourself from her because she isn't going to change, and the feelings you're experience will crop up every time she lets you down.

I had a friend a bit like yours - interesting, fun and nice, lots of drama etc. I can't tell you the number of times I ended up with her kids here for hours on end, feeding them all, picking them up etc. It was never-ending. Although I wanted to be helpful and I liked her company, I decided to distance myself because I got tired of feeling used. I ran into her the other day and found I didn't like her so much after all, that her dramas continue and they are terribly uninteresting. So in short I changed and it's way better for me now. I really hope you can have the courage to move away from this woman as you deserve better friends.

Proudnscary · 05/03/2012 06:45

I agree with everyone else - her behaviour is beyond rude and I feel very sorry for her son (only with regards to the leaving/dumping him thing, I wouldn't judge on any other elements of her parenting because we have no idea!).

I would be SPITTING MAD. To be honest it ticks so many of my bugbear boxes (hate sleepovers anyway, hate selfish egocentric people who are always late, hate late nights on school nights, hate people not answering their phone for hours, hate the idea of very young children destabilised by this kind of behaviour) so I just don't think I could get over this - I'd have to cut her out. I wouldn't confront or have a row, I'd just not make any more arrangements. I would always be 'busy' with other things.

Flubba · 05/03/2012 06:59

I'm sure she's killing herself to get over to you in the next hour. Hmm

Proudnscary · 05/03/2012 07:00

Oh God yes that'll be the next thing Flubba!

Jnice · 05/03/2012 07:16

I can't imagine what my boys would be like if I just failed to turn up to pick them up - frantic probably. It's so sad that the little guy didn't seem phased. That's just not healthy Sad

I'm sorry you are being used like this OP. please tell her how this is unacceptable and you won't be able to continue playdates and sleepovers. She can take a turn if you trust her with your DS.

diddl · 05/03/2012 07:17

Doesn´t sound like a friend tbh.

Is the father not on the scene at all?

I agree with being too busy to provide free childcare in future.

Good grief I´d be crawling over broken glass to get my child back on time & if I was 5hrs late I´d be so ashamed/apologetic I´d hardly dare show my face again.

everlong · 05/03/2012 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry · 05/03/2012 07:22

I think you have to do 2 things:

  1. Tell her that this is unacceptable behaviour
  2. Longer term find other friends for DS so you can drop her without consequences, I think she is a taker.
OlympicGoldPennies · 05/03/2012 07:25

Let us know if she shows up, OP. she's totally taken the piss.

ToothbrushThief · 05/03/2012 07:29

It is hard to say I will not have him over again.I need to widen my social circle .For my ds as well as myself.I probably rely on her company too much.

You've probably got it just right here. She's not a friend. She's a user. Drop her and ignore her attempts to apologise/excuse herself. She'll want to keep you on side because you are so useful to her

DumSpiroSpero · 05/03/2012 07:45

Yadnbu - your friend is being totally out of order to both you and her son, but....

...it strikes me you don't want to give up on the friendship completely so, would it work if another time you told her you'd drop him home at x time, rather than relying on her to collect him? I realise it's still putting you out, but less than a 48 hour sleepover.

Agree with other posters that expanding your social circle & saying 'no' occasionally wouldn't be a bad idea too.

AlanMoore · 05/03/2012 07:47

I wonder if she's turned up yet Hmm

She's totally ripping the piss out of you OP. Don't let her ever do this again.

She could have stayed up all night doing god knows what and still managed to collect a 5 year old at 4pm! And why does she "deserve" a night out because she's a lone parent? Doesn't sound like she does a right lot of parenting anyway...gets everyone else to do it for her.

Nat38 · 05/03/2012 08:08

YADNBU!!
Has she turned up yet?? I`d be furious aswell!! Angry

toddlerama · 05/03/2012 08:22

Any sign yet?

Groovee · 05/03/2012 08:36

Did she turn up this morning?

diddl · 05/03/2012 08:44

Have you ended up taking him to school/on the school run, OP?

EnjoyResponsibly · 05/03/2012 08:54

I'm betting she's had to kit the friends DS in a uniform, make him packed lunch and take him to school.

It's just too Sad that this little boy is left whilst his mother does what she likes.

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