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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to dread dinner at mil

56 replies

Cazm2 · 04/03/2012 06:09

Hi all some of you may have seen my other threads.37 weeks preggers at moment due for Sunday dinner at mil but hate it as place not clean and stinks!! Fil passed away 7 half years ago mil has very active social life is always out,is retired also but keeps very busy. Sil lives at home still 27. The house has generally got into a state she has dog and 2 cats but its just not clean and generally very untidy. Last time we ate I had cat hair on my plate!! She now has a litter tray as 1 cat can't be arsed to go out. The house just stinks of animal and I think animal piss. She says she would rather be out than in doing housework! Dh is aware of some of situation and I think tries to say something. I can't say to much to him as feel its quite personal. I dread going there and taking baby once here! Any suggestions??

OP posts:
SilentBoob · 04/03/2012 06:22

why not invite her round to yours ? or all go out for lunch?

jan2011 · 04/03/2012 06:42

maybe just grit ur teeth thru it, my aunts is a bit like that but we were staying there and just cleaned the whole place. it is like torture!

googietheegg · 04/03/2012 06:51

Yanbu! If you weren't pg I'd say just go and suck it up, but you really don't want to get any bugs at the mo.

TroublesomeEx · 04/03/2012 07:10

I wouldn't want to go there, pg or not.

You don't have to take the baby there once it's born.

I would suggest going out somewhere for lunch instead.

TheUnsinkableTitanic · 04/03/2012 07:12

please, don't go

go out for lunch

and you don't need to take the baby to hers

avoided a close relatives house for approx 3 years Grin

Proudnscary · 04/03/2012 07:18

Oh gawd, I would also suggest taking her out for lunch.

What is your relationship like with her in general?

exoticfruits · 04/03/2012 08:11

I agree-take her out instead or invite her around to you.

fedupofnamechanging · 04/03/2012 08:17

Develop last minute illness and don't go.

What are your plans for when the baby is born, because I guarantee you won't want your baby playing in a house that is unhygienic.

chickydoo · 04/03/2012 08:17

Avoid it today, say you don't feel great. In future invite her to yours. If she asks why, be honest! No one really likes housework, but we do it so our homes are nice places to be.

duckdodgers · 04/03/2012 08:45

I think there is a big difference between general mess and untidiness and dirt. Mess wouldnt put me off but cat smells and hair on plates - no thanks!

iamme43 · 04/03/2012 08:47

Just don't go. You are an adult.

Also tell your dh why you are not going and let him deal with it.

Why oh why are people constantly on here moaning about doing things they don't want to do. Life is way too short....

IvanaHumpalot · 04/03/2012 08:50

If you want an 'excuse' there's an illness you can catch from cat litter/poo called toxoplasmosis, which is dangerous for pregnant women/foetus. If your MIL is not just untidy but dirty perhaps your DH could mention it.

Cats are by nature (unless ill/depressed) clean, and wouldn't want to use a dirty litter tray. I have an elderly cat that doesn't go out much and so has a litter tray - I would be mortified if my house smelled of cat's toilet. Who would want to visit a smelly house.

Also dogs which aren't wormed regularly can pass on through their poo a worm larvae which causes toxicariasis. This can cause asthma and blindness in extreme cases.

Please don't worry and become anti-pet. These are rare illness which are entirely preventable by good hygiene. Just you don't offer to clean out the litter tray or scoop poop.

desperatenotstupid · 04/03/2012 09:39

So, heres what i read? The woman is a widow, probably keeping herself as busy as she can out of the house because she misses her husband. Keeps pets for company? Probably looks forward to family sunday dinners because it reminds her of how things were when her DH ws alive. Probbly doesnt like to spend too much time in the house cleaning, it makes her lonely.

But you don't want to go round there because her house isnt as clean as you might like? ookaaaay

Heres what you do, you say to your DH, ummm, your mums house is a bit of a tip, why don't we take her out to lunch instead, she might enjoy that, or have her to yours? Just a thought.

Im pretty sure you wont hve to clean out the cat litter try though Hmm

Chandon · 04/03/2012 09:47

Ohhh thins brings back memories!

I was 30 wks preg, and had to cope with:

The dog licking the cheese, and everyone just smilingShock ("Chandon, I get the feeling you don't LIKE dogs?!" "Sorry, it is just he was licking the cheese!" "Oh well, no harm done".Shock
Hair in my food (dog? Human?)Shock
Then mouldy bread ("just cut the mould off Chandon! It is only penecillin !ISn't she fussy, hahahaha"). Then when I was given brandy butter from 2 years ago which smelled of cheese, I ended up having to interrupt dinner to go to the loo and be sick.

I am now known as "the woman who is hysterical about hygiene"

Original poster
Cazm2 · 04/03/2012 11:25

Thing is mess I can cope with but general grime I don't like even when fil was here she was like it its got worse. Sil is also capable of doing some house work. She is at home some times. No one likes housework but you have to do basics. I don't mind dogs but the cats are everywhere all over furniture. I am struggling at moment so don't feel like doing dinner for more people as would be sil too. As for going out skint!! Dh gets a bit funny when I suggest cleaning.

OP posts:
NarkedPuffin · 04/03/2012 11:29

Eat before you go and feign sickness. Vicks around nostrils should help with the smell.

charitygirl · 04/03/2012 13:06

LOL at 'doing housework makes her feel lonely'. Yeah, that's my excuse too.

Original poster
Cazm2 · 04/03/2012 13:54

I do usually avoid but can't really get out of it much longer. Trouble is it causes rows with me and Dh. I suppose no one likes parents criticised however he gets annoyed his childhood home looks like a shithole too. I do sil living there needs to take some responsibility I did when I lived at home. Like some said mess I don't care but uncleaniness especially with animals I can't bear. I have got bit more forceful since pregnant as had mmc with first so probably over the top. Relationship ok in general very clingy with Dh but so is sil. He feels lot of responsibility cos fil not around.

OP posts:
everlong · 04/03/2012 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aniseeda · 04/03/2012 14:04

I think, if you can't feign illness/tiredness and send DH on his own when you are 37 weeks pregnant, when can you?!

Just say you're exhausted and need to have a really early night but, no, you'll be absolutely fine on your own and off he jolly well goes!

WinkyWinkola · 04/03/2012 14:08

Sorry but it doesn't sound a bit dirty. It sounds filthy. And foul.

I wouldn't go there again.

However busy one is, there's not really an excuse for having a house that stinks of piss and serving up food with animal hairs in it.

Don't 'suck it up' (horrible expression). Why should you? Your mil is active and able and should be able to stop her house smelling of urine or whatever.

I would heave and I'm not exactly a hygiene queen.

Get your dh to arrange meals out.

WinkyWinkola · 04/03/2012 14:08

Housework makes her feel lonely? Arf.

desperatenotstupid · 04/03/2012 14:09

Are you a widow too then charitygirl you might want you change your name.

I would raise concerns with SIL to be honest, but have you not stopped to think how she might be feeling? Maybe its got on top of her and she just doesn't feel motivated to sort it out. I think it would be very sad if this came between you as a family, especially when your MIL sounds like she craves company.

Me, id be quite happy not to have to cook dinner for you on a sunday if you didnt think my house met your hygeine standards, it probably doesn't, we feed our dog at the table Shock, maybe just tell your MIL that and save her the trouble?

Issue for me is the SIL not pulling her weight

Aniseeda · 04/03/2012 14:10

Sorry, cross posted, see this is an ongoing situation. It's very difficult but you have to put your health and you baby's health above your MIL potentially hurt feelings and your DH should try to understand that Sad

desperatenotstupid · 04/03/2012 14:14

Ah of course, i forgot - MIL is always wrong Hmm

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