Fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you get there ...fuck off!

[HalfPastWine]

I absolutely love this phrase, never heard of it until I joined MN. It's now one of my favourite things to say to the fuckwits at my office (in my head of course .....silent tourettes!)

Any other gems I can take away with me?

'Watch that Fucker. He'll have someone's eye out!'

• King Harold

Heard it 30 years ago and it still makes me smile.

Favourite zombie thread ever!
I was just coming on to say "off you fuck cunty chops" but see somebody has already posted.
I heard DP say "Fucking Mother Hubbard" the other day - mother Hubbard is supposed to be a swear word replacement. I like the new spin he gave it though.

you have royally pissed on your chips.

works well in many situations!

Try not to be a c*nt all your life, have a holiday.

Knobwomble, saw this on here the other day and have it used it three times recently to great reviews.

Mil taught me this one, 'she's like thrush', which means that the person in question is an irritating c**t.
Apparently she used to use it to describe a rather unpleasant person at her work.

My best mate, when faced with someone who is really getting on her tits, will very politely let them finish speaking, then say "There We Are Then!"

Those of us in the know are aware that its just the first letters of each word that she is using....

My mum calls people who piss her off "Fuckyknuckles", always makes me smile.

42andcounting I love that! Must steal it :)

May your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders. I like that one (thanks my brother!).

I quite enjoy 'Fuck Up'. A satisfying mix of fuck off and shut up.

Mentioned in a slightly different phrase to a pp, but I rather like this. Far too polite to use it in RL though!

Off you fuck

But Olivia Malcolm is the God of swears.
I made this for you all.

I dunno, I thought it was mildly amusing first time I heard it, but a bit studied and try hard. Like with all mumsnet buzz phrases it rapidly looses its novelty when it has been parroted for the thousandth time.

The 'did you mean to be so rude?' thing was the most annoying. It wasn't even that particularly a witty a comeback as it invited the reply 'yes I did, now fuck off.'

I like "Zero fucks were given today"

Think of a number, multiply it by zero.

That's how many fucks I give..

My friend has a tshirt that says "If you'd just like to fuck off over there? Thanks".I quite like it

My friend marks exam papers and a few years ago she discovered this gem written on a half completed answer:

Fuck this. Fuck you. Fuck the fucking horse you rode in on.

Don't think the exam was going well!

I like (hold out empty hand) here, this is the world's tiniest fuck that I give.