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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

....to consider having two DCs really close together?

64 replies

somewherewest · 02/03/2012 11:37

Part of me knows that thinking about no. 2 when no. 1 is only 3 months old is crazy, but we're sorely tempted to get the baby phase over and done with for ever. Also for complicated career-change reasons DH may be working part-time with flexible hours for a couple of years and we can afford for me to be a SAHM at the same time, so we will at least have extra time and flexibility. After that DH will be back in work full-time and it'll get harder. We're also in our early 30s and it took us over a year to TTC no.1, so it feels like the clock might be ticking.

So am I BU/ just plain crazy?

OP posts:

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 02/03/2012 11:40

This is one of those things where there are as many answers as there are people
I think you have some great reasons for ttc quickly - how is your health though? are you up to it physically, in terms of recovering from your first pregnancy and the strain of another one so soon.
It's up to you and your DH singularly unhelpful

fedupandtired · 02/03/2012 11:43

I have 13 months between my two (no. 2 was a surprise!) and whilst I won't deny it was at times really hard if I had my time again it's an age gap I would choose. They're at school now but into the same things and when they're not arguing (which is unavoidable unless a big age gap) they play together rely well. Did mean I couldn't go back to work until DD2 was at school due to not being able to afford child care for two but thats possibly not a bad thing .

DeWe · 02/03/2012 11:44

Well I think you are! But I get morning sickness 24/7 with pregnancy all through so I need them to be a bit self sufficient. I also love the baby stage, so I like to enjoy it.

Early 30s isn't old for trying, but on the basis it took a year then trying sooner rather than later is reasonable. But it may be a lot quicker next time. I know several people who took 1+years for the first, and the second was straight away, so don't assume it will take as long.

CheeryCherry · 02/03/2012 11:46

My first two DCs are 13 months apart, its fab! They are in their teens now and still very close. We took a long time TTC the first time, and didn't want a huge gap if we could help it, so let nature take its course!

slipperandpjsmum · 02/03/2012 11:49

I became pregnant with our 3rd when 2nd was 6 months old. It was hard work but went ok.

I know there are clear financial reasons for your choice but I did find the line to get the baby phase over and done with forever a bit sad. A friend of mine had her three close together to avoid "dragging the baby stage out". Overall they are babies for such a very short period of time. Sometime life feels like being on a high speed train we are concentrating so hard on where we need to be we forget to look out of the window and enjoy where we actually are.

Cherriesarelovely · 02/03/2012 11:49

I know some people who have done this and they have found it tiring of course. However, they have been absolutely fine and are really happy with their decision. If you feel like it is right for you then I would go for it.

hurricanewyn · 02/03/2012 11:55

My two are 18 months apart - it was hard, hard work in the beginning.

Love it now though - they're great company for each other and are really close. Even when they bicker!

cerys74 · 02/03/2012 12:00

That's why I'm PG with DC2 (13 month expected age gap) - we wanted the 'screaming vomiting sleepless' stage over in one big lump! Not sure how we're going to handle it when he/she pops out but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it... people have said lots of supportive things about it and I can see other posters upthread have done it and survived, so that's reassuring :)

BagofHolly · 02/03/2012 12:00

We did this. But #2 was twins. You have been warned!

notso · 02/03/2012 12:04

I am 8 months pg with DC4, DC3 is 15 months and although this has been a much better pregnancy than the other three, I am knackered, my back is killing me from picking DC3 up all the time, SPD is rearing it's ugly head and my BP is unstable.
I am not saying I would change things and it is different for me as I have the demands of an 11yo and a 7yo as well as a 1yo.
I didn't realise how being pg would change the way I have to do lots of little things with DC4, like finding it hard bathing him, or changing his nappy on the floor, I even find it hard to get him comfy on my lap for a cuddle.

JoanRobinson2012 · 02/03/2012 12:04

My elder two are 13 months apart - planned :)

It worked brilliantly for us though I acknowledge that I was very fortunate to have healthy and trouble free pregnancies (I loved being pregnant!)

but we're sorely tempted to get the baby phase over and done with for ever :o That's also what we thought but that part of the plan didn't quite work out!

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 02/03/2012 12:07

My oldest 2 are 12 months apart - some things were easier, some more difficult - but then people with big gaps would probably say same - if you feel you can cope, go for it

Original poster

somewherewest · 02/03/2012 12:15

slipperandpjsmum That sounded a bit more negative than I intended! I did find the first two months a struggle, mainly because of lack of sleep, but its a lot better now. I've just heard several people with three year+ age gaps say that going back into the baby phase after a period relatively free of nappies and sleepless nights was really tough.

OP posts:

Moominsarescary · 02/03/2012 12:16

I have 8 years between each of my first 3, ds3 was 8 weeks old when I became pg with ds4 as I'd always wanted a small age gap

imnotmymum · 02/03/2012 12:17

I had my first 2 18 mo ths apart 2 and 3 21 months and final one 18 months was hard work [especially 1-2!!] but now all older it is lovely to be so close in age and they have similar interests and friends etc go for it !

Shutupanddrive · 02/03/2012 12:19

YANBU, my friend has 3 under 3yrs (just). She wanted them all close together. Hard work though, but if that's what you want then go for it

EggsOvaryZee · 02/03/2012 12:20

16 month age gap here and I would do it again, took us 2 yrs to concieve first time around. Finding it all hard at various stages but actually I found the first 6 months with new bubs was easiest.
Yes, they bicker but really adore each other (now 3 and 4) - and now watching several pals with 3+ yr age gap (after not managing to concieve as easily 2nd time around) and new sibling, the jealously issue is so scary and odd to see since we didn't have any of that at all...that's not trying to say a small age gap is better just that I had no idea of the many potential issues once first kid is old enough to remember having Ma and Pa to themselves.

Original poster

somewherewest · 02/03/2012 12:21

My health is good BTW (apart from sodding insomnia) and my pregnancy with DS was no worse than most people's (tiredness, morning sickness, very mild SPD...nothing out of the ordinary).

BagofHolly Good point. Hadn't thought of that

OP posts:

nickelhasababy · 02/03/2012 12:22

i wouldn't do it - but not because i couldn't do 2 young children of the same age, but because i haven't even considered daring to have sex again yet (dd is 12 weeks on monday)

just saying.

Original poster

somewherewest · 02/03/2012 12:25

EggsOvaryZee
The jealousy issue is an argument for me too. If we leave it longer DS will have to get used not being the centre of attention after a couple of years as an only.

OP posts:

dancingonthinice · 02/03/2012 12:27

If I knew what I know now, I would seriously consider it even more so in your circs.

ivykaty44 · 02/03/2012 12:27

slipperandpjsmum is so right about being on that high speed train - it is worth slowing down as one day you maybe pushed off altogether..

RiceBurner · 02/03/2012 12:29

Our 3 DCs were very close together .... on purpose. (DS2 was born 16 months after DS1. And DD1 was born 20 months after DS2, 36 months after DS1.)

It was/is great.

I knew it would be hectic for a few years but I also knew that I could have quite a lot of (paid) help in the early years. (Living overseas, so having 'help' was expected and I had to give up work anyway.) Wouldn't have quite been so keen if I had been working and had no cleaner/babysitter!

Btw, I know 2 woman in same situation as I was who each had triplets! My set up seemed SO much easier than theirs! (Even twins seemed much more tricky than 2/3 in rapid succession.) For all of us, long haul flights (with a change/transfer flight) was a nightmare when only one adult travelling with 2-3 small kids. But we survived and I think we can laugh about it now!

All children are different though, so you will never know what spacing would have been best/ideal. Just think about how you think will cope in practical/financial terms, and then go with your instincts/fate?

Original poster

somewherewest · 02/03/2012 12:29

nickelhasababy Yes that would be one hurdle we'd have to overcome

OP posts:

nickelhasababy · 02/03/2012 12:30

glad i'm not alone!

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