....to consider having two DCs really close together?

[somewherewest]

Part of me knows that thinking about no. 2 when no. 1 is only 3 months old is crazy, but we're sorely tempted to get the baby phase over and done with for ever. Also for complicated career-change reasons DH may be working part-time with flexible hours for a couple of years and we can afford for me to be a SAHM at the same time, so we will at least have extra time and flexibility. After that DH will be back in work full-time and it'll get harder. We're also in our early 30s and it took us over a year to TTC no.1, so it feels like the clock might be ticking.

So am I BU/ just plain crazy?

The people I know who are doing this atm seem to be, in general, finding it very hard and really not enjoying life at all - certainly not enjoying the baby in the same way they did the first and having massive anxiety about the lack of attention they think they're giving to the older one.

I realise this is not the case for everyone and I can't personally comment as I have only the one. But, seeing this def makes me think waiting is better.

Of course, if you might have trouble conceiving or are a bit older then it makes sense to crack on I suppose. But, with the luxury of time on your hands, I think waiting is better.

I have 19 months which for us is working well. DD was really intense months 13-18 so calmed down when DS came along and also started sleeping through. DS is 4.5 months atm and DD is coming back into a active phase but at least DS isn't a new born anymore. It's tiring but not really hard (most of the time). However if I had what appears to be a more normal DH on MN then it would have felt really hard. He is always happy to do far more than a equal share when at home.

not that he does all the time but means when I need extra help, it is there.

YANBU so long as you have an unlimited capacity for sleep deprivation and the patience of a saint!

Puffpants / PenguinArmy If DH's career change works out and he's only working part-time for a few years we should hopefully have one person-per-DC alot of the time. DH is very involved and really does his fair share.

My eldest two are less than 12 months apart - unplanned and DS2 born at 37 weeks just to narrow the gap!

It was fine but passed in a bit of a blur. Had another child 6 years later partly because I felt I'd missed out on the baby phase.

"The people I know who are doing this atm seem to be, in general, finding it very hard and really not enjoying life at all - certainly not enjoying the baby in the same way they did the first and having massive anxiety about the lack of attention they think they're giving to the older one."

This exactly.

I spent the first few months of my twins' lives breathless with guilt that I had RUINED my older boy's life. I was exhausted in a way I can't even articulate and utterly miserable. I love every atom of all my children buy my
Greatest regret is having them so close together instead of enjoying them in the way I might, had they been wider spaced. I had 3 in 20 months. Ghastly.

There's never a perfect age gap just pros and cons for each situation and you do what suits you best! Or do what we did and 'see what happens' and end up with oldest being 7 when no.5 was born! Now the eldest is 8 and the baby is 1 we are starting to pop up for air but it was hard going! When you see them all playing and entertaining each other I know it's best for our situation but wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea!

I'd just like to say that it took 2yrs+ for my first (miscarried).
2 months for DD1 and just 1 month for DD2.
2nd pregnancies CAN happen alot quicker

"They're essentially twins really"

With all the advantages of not being twins!

We ahve a 14 month gap between 1&2 both boys, it worked sooooo well for ages. But at 8/9 they argue a lot, but they would with a bigger gap as they're very different. They are great company for eachother most of the time.

There's nothing about it I would change, my next gap was 3 yrs then 2. 2 yr gap was the hardest, but I also had the most children at that time.

Difference between LeQ and I is that girls are 100 times easier, according to research. Girl/girl siblings are the most harmonious,

DS3 & DS4 are a year and six days apart. It was hardwork when they were little and it did pass in a blur. Now they are 12 and 13 its easier and like LeQueen said they like the same stuff and always have someone to play with. That said it still has its moments with fights over friendship groups. The way the school year falls the older of the two has friends in his year that are actually nearer the younger ones age. Never a dull moment and I love it. I think because they were close in age I thought they would be alike but they are so different.

I had 3 under 3, 14 months between ds1 and ds2 then dd1 18 months later. It has been very very hard. We are an Army family so I have no family support at all. I would still make the same choices again. My three are now 5,4 and 3 and are such a little gang, it is lovely to see. One activity occupies all of them and they share toys, clothes can be handed down.

On the negative side it has passed in a sleep deprived blur I always feel guilty that someone is not getting enough attention. DS1 has SN so definitely takes up a lot more of my time than the others.

I have not been able to return to work as the cost of childcare was crippling. I am just now trying to start a second career, after being at home for six years people are not queuing up to employ me.

Our first two were fantastic sleepers...which means I am an amazing mother.

Then DC3 came along.

I disagree with your post bagofholly I obviously have twins and I would never opt to have them as singletons - having twins is so much more rewarding IMO. There's things you experience that you never would have with just one.

As for the OPs question, I suppose it would depend on whether or not you can cope and feel all your DCs will get enough attention.

"Add message | Report | Message poster LeQueen Fri 02-Mar-12 13:10:02
Bag true. We were lucky in that by the time DD2 was born DD1 was sleeping 7-7. Made a huge difference."

I am sooooo jealous! We ended up getting a night nanny we were so off our heads with sleep deprivation. Just at the very moment we needed DS1 to carry on being a good sleeper, the addition to the household of the twins sent him all wobbly and he woke every 4 hours. Ugh.

Sorry bag just read your other posts, ignore my comment, I thought you were just being insensitive!
I've not experienced any terrible sleep deprivation because i co sleep with mine and DD was 5 when they were born so although she wasn't self reliant it wasn't anywhere near as bad had she been under 3!

Mumof1plustwins that's interesting - like what? I DAILY think how much nicer it'd have been for all of us if I'd had them as singletons. More one to one time for a start. (sorry I know that's diverting the thread but I'm curious!)

I started trying for DC2 when my oldest was four months old - I'd always wanted a little gap. I conceived within two months of trying with DS1. But next time round - nothing. It took me three years of trying before I got pregnant again (no discernible reason why), and after all that it turned out to be ectopic. I was so, so lucky to get pregnant again within a month or two of losing that baby.

Anyway, there are over four years between DS1 and DS2, and they are lovely together. DS1 started school literally two weeks after DS2 was born, so I was able to treat DS2 almost as an only child during school hours - he got all the attention his brother had had. DS1 was so delighted and excited to have a sibling - he's never, ever seemed jealous of him. Now I'm expecting again in a few weeks and DS2 has just started school, so history is repeating itself. I LOVE the big gaps - I wouldn't change a thing now if I had my time all over again!