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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

oh, apparently now I am doing this SAHM malarkey all wrong.

84 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 02/03/2012 10:11

I am being exceedingly azy according to a F, and if I had a "real" job I wouldn't expect them to do that for me, and would I?

According to her I should be doing all the chores around the house because that is job.

She wonders what's the point of the DC having a SAHM if they have to make their beds, empty the dishwasher, put their clean clothes away and a few other ad hoc jobs.

Apparently I should do all this, and try to do it in the day when they're at school because that should be my working hours.

For arses sake, and she's a total eejit isn't she?

AIBU expecting my DC to take responsibility for a few chores even though I am a SAHM?

OP posts:

GinSlinger · 02/03/2012 11:47

Chaos never said that she didn't do any chores at all but even if she did then as long as that works in her household then it's got fuck all to do with her so-called friend. Or anyone else.

porcamiseria · 02/03/2012 11:52

its not a fucking pitch fork, its a genuine question. everyone is so INDIGNANT at the mere suggestion a SAHM does some chores

Oh you are not a domestic slave
OH marytyrs
tellk your friend to fuck off

I've not been rude at all actually

but clearly its a very sensitive topic!!!!

JaneMare · 02/03/2012 11:54

bochead · 02/03/2012 11:57

It's sloppy parenting not to give them life skills.

I'm turning out a son who will be able to cook from scratch so my Grandkids will eat healthily.

He'll know basic first aid, how to budget (inc debt & compound interest!) , keep a clean house, read a map, hold a polite conversation, sew a button on, fix a dripping tap, and generally be a productive member of society by the time I'm done too.

There are many times it'd be MUCH quicker to do summat myself, but to me that's not being a parent. So I take a deep breath and show him AGAIN how to put his clean clothes in his drawers. He is gradually in a manner appropriate to his age and abilities learning to be self-sufficient.

16 is when the law says that in certain circumstances our kids can have children of their own, marry, join the services, leave home. We all hope they won't strike out so soon, but bad things happen to good people. Life is a funny thing though and I'd hate my child to be out in the big bad world as helpless as a babe at that age.

I'm also at the age where my friends are sending the pfb off to Uni. Some of those kids are gonna have a really tough time at first , given that they can't boil an egg. It's cruel to do that to a young person.

IAmBooyhoo · 02/03/2012 12:01

"they have to make their beds, empty the dishwasher, put their clean clothes away and a few other ad hoc jobs."

making a bed- 5 second job just throw the duvet back up over the bed
emptying dishwasher- 1-2 minutes depending on how full, age and number of children involved in job
putting clean clothes away-about 5 minutes for my 6 year old who dilly dallies
other jobs- i would imagine this is things like hoovering the living room or tidying the shoes at the front door. nothing like deep cleaning all the bathrooms in teh house.

i really dont imagine chaos is sitting all day on MN and leaving the entire house to be done by her dcs when they get home from school. i know there is more to be done in my house everyday than making beds, emptying dishwasher and putting clothes away.

Original poster

ChaosTrulyReigns · 02/03/2012 12:02

Oh you want a serious answer?

I do 2 sorts of volunteering. I do the administration for the family business. I socialise as I can't do that in evenings as DH works away and I don't really have a babysitter to rely on. I walk. I do all the chores that I can do so that's there's only unavoidable stuff to do when the DC are home. I Mumsnet. I am working on a business plan for my fledgling business. And by golly I'm trying to kickstart the local economy.

But, hey, I'll try to arrange it so the dishwasher finishes during school hours so my 4 aren't exposed to a life of drudgery.

OP posts:

thewashfairy · 02/03/2012 12:07

Bochead,totally agree. I was 17 when I was left to fend for myself,due to unforeseen circumstances beyond anyone's control. I WAS that kid that's out there totally helpless and no idea how to fend for myself.It IS cruel and I think some Mums/Dads don't want their DC to be independent as that would mean they wouldn't feel 'needed' . .....

How often don't we read here about people in a relationship with these now 'grown up' pampered/spoiled DC saying they are a nightmare to live with. Surely that's not what anybody would want any of their DC to be like??

porcamiseria · 02/03/2012 12:44

fair enough OP, your plate sounds very full

my main upset was at how indignant people were at the suggestion SAHM do house admin.

i get it, i see my 2 nephews and their Mum did everything, its pathetic, I would never advocate that

nickelhasababy · 02/03/2012 12:47

i know a family where the mum does everything for them all (even the DH)
i mean everything
she works on sunday afternoons and has to rush home from church to make their dinner before she goes.
her DS is 22, doing a masters, and she said "i had to get him out of bed this morning or he would have stayed there all day"

McPie · 02/03/2012 12:53

I wish my mil had bothered to teach dh some life skills as he didn't know how to sew a button on to his trousers the other week, nearly 38 years old and theres me showing him something I learned in 1st year at high school.
I have started with ds1 who is 10 and would hope that he will be nothing like his dad was when we moved in together but then we have learned a lot of 'what not to do's' from mil.

bochead · 02/03/2012 12:54

Serious question cos I'm never quite sure how much is my lad's AS and how much is normal parenting.

Am I the ONLY one who finds it quicker, easier, simpler & less stress all round to pop a few clean clothes in a drawer myself, or who shudders when they remember the time they tried to let their 7 year old mop the kitchen floor?

From where I'm standing the lazy option is deffo to do it all myself.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 02/03/2012 13:20

bochead I wouldn't be worrying about a 7-year old mopping. Putting their own clothes away though and tidying up after themselves, yes.

PosiePumblechook · 02/03/2012 13:26

Your children make their own beds what sort of evil are you???? Anyone would think you want to raise self sufficient people.

You're more of a SHAM than a SAHM.

bochead · 02/03/2012 13:32

Aliababa' - DS wanted to help, pleased at his enthusiam, I let him - what a mistake lol!

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 02/03/2012 13:32

My Ds1 came round last week and cooked the sunday roast. He has just turned 18. He did it happily and it was a perfect meal.

He didnt learn that by sitting on his arse watching me do all the housework and cooking did he?

He can clean like a pro and knows how to wash things so they dont all turn out the same murky grey colour. He knows how to use all kitchen appliances and how to budget his money and eat healthily.

If he doesnt want to do that stuff its his choice but at least he has a choice - cos I gave him one. I didnt turn him out into the world without an idea in his head and leave him to it.

These kids that are protected from any form of housework or responsiblity - what happens to them when they go into the real world?
Its a bloody cop out for a lot of parents. They cant face the whinging and moaning so they do it all themselves and then make out they are doing it because they wuvs their kiddies sooooo much

pile of bollocks.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 02/03/2012 13:34

oops that wasnt in response to bochhead's honest admission that she is too lazy to insist

Mumof1plustwins · 02/03/2012 13:40

Chaos can you please come to my house and teach my DD how to tidy up after herself? There's not enough hours in the day to clean up every mess she leaves behind! 'sigh

Your friend is

ReindeerBollocks · 02/03/2012 14:39

Chaos I'm doing this SAHM right, as I just drink gin and MN. The children are normally away somewhere amusing fighting with each other. You are going wrong darling and so is your friend. You both need to do it my way.

MrsDV. Can you send your DS1 to me please, he sounds delightful!

bochead · 02/03/2012 14:49

MrsD - your son is the sort of young man I'm aiming for! I'd be over the bloody moon if all my years of teaching (nagging ) produced a young man like that.

Maryz · 02/03/2012 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzpig · 02/03/2012 15:14

Haven't read whole thread (am on break at my 'proper' job ) but YANBU you would be doing your DCs a massive disservice by NOT expecting them to help out with chores. First step on the road to being an independent adult who can look after themselves!

I missed that step

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 02/03/2012 15:20

Haha @ you lot wanting my DS. The wee bollocks gave me hell for a good long while (Maryz can attest to that).

I put up with all that so it is now only right that I am the only one to benefit, hands orf

cakewench · 02/03/2012 15:30

I think having the children make their own beds etc is a good idea, teaches them how to be self-sufficient. They eventually should also be introduced to the washing machine so the whole concept isn't foreign to them once they're off to Uni. :) I knew several people who had no idea how to use one when they left home.

TinyPants · 02/03/2012 15:44

I find the more you do, the more they expect you to do.

I am in maternity leave at the moment and do everything but DH works ridiculous hours in a physical job and arrives home knackered with just enough time to eat, shower and fall into bed ready for the next day and the dc aren't really old enough for chores. Although they do "help" me sometimes I really wish they wouldn't

diddl · 02/03/2012 16:09

My husband did nothing hardly anything before he left home, and although not ideal, he did manage to survive when he went to uni & then managed to look after his own house.

It´s not that hard, is it?

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