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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is she BU? Want to strangle her.

102 replies

poissonchat · 01/03/2012 23:13

Hi,

Just got back from a girly minibreak abroad- and everyone has come back pissed off with one another over one of our ex-boyfriends. I will give my friends new names, Emma, Amy and Ruby.

Yesterday night, we were talking about ex-boyfriends. Ruby is in a happy relationship new with a nice guy, but has had a string of idiots before- the last one which she is particularly sore about due to him leading her on a treat for the best part of a year. Let's call him Ben.

So me, Emma, Amy and Ruby are sitting down in a nice restaurant, and Ben comes up in conversation. Ruby is quick to change the subject- but Emma jumps in with this gem which apparently happened the day before we flew out; Emma works in the same office as one of Ben's friends, albeit a different department- they don't really know each other. Anyway that afternoon at the watercooler, Ben's dickhead friend says something along the lines of this; 'Oh, you're Ruby's friend? My mate Ben had her! Apparently she's got a really weird vag, have you seen it?'

Me and Amy are absolutely mortified and Ruby is extremely distraught for two reasons- she was never 'had' by this guy as she refused to unless she was officially his 'girlfriend', so the fact that he's going round implying that he's slept with her to random people (him and office dickhead aren't really that close, did the same course at college or something) and also she has a complex about her 'downstairs' which we've tried and tried again to convince her that it's nothing near embarrassing bodies standard (I think you can guess what Ben seemed to think was weird about it ;[)

Emma is insistent that she's done nothing wrong as 'she would want to be told' and 'we are on holiday, but it's the last night so nothing has been ruined' and 'it was probably best to do it now because we can all support her and bitch about him. Oh and Amy seems to think there's nothing wrong with it too as we're all 'so close'. Ruby was upset, not sobbing the place down- but certainly watery eyes and being off with us all evening, and when she got back to the hotel she was texting Ben demanding what he's been saying about her. She also is planning to book in to get her labia amputated (well, that's EXACTLY what it is, call it labiaplasty or whatever you want).

I've gave Emma a call and told her it wasn't on, but she told me to give it a rest as Amy thinks I'm taking it too far and Ruby wasn't that upset anyway (?). I seriously don't want her to get away with it, because I think it was vile just announcing that out at the table and putting Ruby in that horrible position :(

Is she BU?

Sorry for all the new names, (it's like a little story!) but it's easier than going 'he/she/her friend/her boyfriend/our friend/hairdresser's cousins' friend)

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 01/03/2012 23:42

As much as others are making a joke out of this, i am hearing these sorts of insults bandied about more often.

It it the new thing to insult women over.

There was a thread recently where posters were happy that they had a CS because their vag didn't go baggy.

This is the new must have surgery. It's making me glad that i am in my 40's and this lastest bit of crap will pass me by.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 01/03/2012 23:44

If Ben "never had her" etc, then how did he know about the, ah minge issue?
I can actually remember a letter to the problem page in Jackie, round about 1980 ish yes, I am that sad where some poor girl was worried because her inner lips were longer than her outer ones, and the agony aunt person reassured her that we're all different and it didn't matter.
I blame Emma for being a cow! She should have kept her saggy lipped mouth shut and not told Ruby what was said.
toddles off to make a nice sardine sarnie

scarlettsmummy2 · 01/03/2012 23:44

Emma sounds a bit half witted, but to be honest the whole argument sounds like the kind of thing me and my three best friend would have fallen out about in our late teens. I would suggest you live ruby and Emma to sort it out themselves, presuming they are now grown uP

poissonchat · 01/03/2012 23:45

We have all been friends for the best part of 20 years (Emma, I'm not quite sure why now Hmm) like I said- this friend has a complete complex about it. She has shown us once after another guy made a comment yeaaars ago now because she was having a breakdown and wanted to know if she was 'normal'. We don't have a weekly vag showing club...Blush

And Emma is not usually like this. That's why I'm confused. Adores being the center of attention- but has never taken the wankery to this level.

OP posts:
GeekPie · 01/03/2012 23:46

Emma is a twat. A weird looking one.

BuckBuckMcFate · 01/03/2012 23:47

Emma is the girl from the advert who gets the others to turn up at Ruby's with foaming hair dye. "Ruby you're a good dancer in your nice white suit and everything, but fuck me your hair is grey, I'm only telling you cos I loves ya"

MN is weirder than a big weird thing at the moment. Woof woof

poissonchat · 01/03/2012 23:48

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom

She did 'things', obviously with consent, but from our conversations- he seemed to pressuring her :( I think that's why she's so devastated, she wanted to trust him and he has certainly abused it if he's going around telling everyone.

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 01/03/2012 23:49

Emma works friend...or school friend?? This sounds so beyond childish i think a Mr men would be more appropriate tbh. If she never had sex with him and he is just making it all up then it would have no reflection on the condition of her vagina as he wouldnt know anyway would he?? ....actually i'm confusing myself now, Confused

IAmRubyLennox · 01/03/2012 23:49

Alright, in all seriousness, YANBU.

Your friend Emma sounds an absolute cow.

If I were you or Ruby I wouldn't be in a hurry to spend any more time with her.

While I feel extremely sorry for Ruby in this scenario, she was BU to hit the phone and start texting Nobhead Ben. She'd have been better off retaining what remained of her dignity, and showing Emma that she wasn't going to get a reaction.

Also feel a bit sorry for Ruby's new bloke, I appreciate he wasn't privy to all this but who would want to think that their girlfriend was away on holiday texting her idiotic ex to discuss her 'weird vag'?

Sorry you didn't really get the responses you hoped for... it was a brave tale to tell in AIBU late at night.

scarlettsmummy2 · 01/03/2012 23:49

Was Emma drunk and trying to be amusing?

SconeInSixtySeconds · 01/03/2012 23:51

I think that Emma is a total bitch. Yes, I would want to be told, but privately one to one - NOT in front of the rest of my friends fgs.

Most of us have insecurities about our bodies - it can be too much to talk about with our friends, others of us do talk about it (had a friend long ago who was paranoid about her inverted nipples to the point where she broke up with any boyfriend as soon as it started to get 'serious') and it takes a major amount of courage to have dealt with that even if it had been handled sensitively.

Poor Ruby. I hope that she soon comes to realise that a man who deserves her won't give a shit about the size of her labia. At least she hasn't got a brain too small for her skull like Ben's friend.

poissonchat · 01/03/2012 23:51

I KNOW THIS IS FUCKING CHILDISH.

But my friend made a bad choice of lusting after an immature wanker who would go and tell all of his mates a la Year 11. But I have a woman with no self confidence as it is devastated and worried that the whole town is talking about her, and nothing can be done to reassure her.

OP posts:
IAmRubyLennox · 01/03/2012 23:53

Do you all live in a very small place where everyone knows everyone?

HalfPastWine · 01/03/2012 23:53

Yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah ......

...has the OP cut and paste a Little Britain script? Hmm Grin

poissonchat · 01/03/2012 23:54

Thank you IAmRubyLennox and SconeInSixtySeconds. It is such a teenage situation and my friend feels like an insecure 14 year old right now to show for it. x

OP posts:
UtterlyButterly · 01/03/2012 23:54

'she has shown us once'

Hmmmm

Hmm
Thingiebob · 01/03/2012 23:55

Your friend Emma is a nasty spiteful cow. I would keep her at arms length and reassure your other friend that there is no problem with her bits.

poissonchat · 01/03/2012 23:56

Yes, IAmRubyLennox- it's a town, not a village or anything, but one company seems definitely dominates jobwise due to the HQ being here- which means everyone seems to have mutual friends through work, or works there themselves.

OP posts:
IAmRubyLennox · 02/03/2012 00:00

ew, I see why she'd feel like that. Obviously the whole town is not talking about her, but that's scant consolation when your supposed friend thinks your labia is a suitable subject for dinner table conversation.

So when you phoned Emma to give her a rocket, what did she have to say for herself?

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 02/03/2012 00:00

If Ruby is that "hung up" about the appearance of her vagina, then maybe a labioplasty is right for her? If it will give her peace of mind and let her get on with her life. People have cosmetic surgery for lots of reasons, and if it makes her feel better, gives her confidence, and makes her happy, then maybe she should go for it. It's her body, and better a cosmetic op and the rest of her life in peace than perhaps a spiral into depression or reclusiveness and constant stress and worry about something that can be altered to make her happy. Perhaps you could support her as she looks into it - she would need a reputable surgeon, preferably with a personal recommendation, and she would need to finance it too, offer to help her find out about it.

UnrequitedSkink · 02/03/2012 00:05

'Emma' was being a total bitch (wine bringing out insecurities?) and you and ruby are right to be upset. MN is wierd this late at night, I dunno. As for what you do about it... hard to say, if you drop Emma is it going to cause masses of angst? She probably feels very silly and guilty now, even if she won't admit it.

vezzie · 02/03/2012 00:05

Why isn't Ruby telling everyone that whatsisface has a weird tiny little cock?

She could tell everyone she only knows this because she walked in on him with Emma just as she was saying "sorry love I can't feel anything, it's not touching the sides".

UnrequitedSkink · 02/03/2012 00:07

Yes, THAT'S what I meant to say :o

animula · 02/03/2012 00:19

Can't help but feel Vezzie has it.

Ruby needs some sort of major confidence boosting - not easy in a misogynistic culture. Whatever culture seems intent on telling her/us, her vag is almost certainly within the parameters of normal & anyone she chooses to share it with should be bloody grateful.

Ben = wanker.

And does emma understand that men who say that sort of thing to a woman about another woman are bad, bad news? Despite the appearance of camaraderie, she is having her own boundaries with regard to tolerance of misogyny tested, and pushed back.

boys say stupid shit like this. I remember a friend telling me that her boyfriend told her that she had "a cunt like a razor". I didn't think anything about her vag - I just told her that he was an immature, inexperienced tosser and was bloody lucky she was no longer having to waste her life spending time with him.

Roll on the day when people realise the implications of nasty hate-speak like this and shun the speakers and repeaters.

animula · 02/03/2012 00:20

By the way, from henceforth you have to refer to Ben as "HamsterBen", as in Ben-who-is-hung-like-a-hamster.