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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

moving away with my children

87 replies

robynwin · 01/03/2012 15:08

Hi, im after some advice, i live in the north east i have 3 children to two fathers, my first marriage broke down after my husband had an affair, he left and moved in with his new gf, we have 2 children and they have 1 child together now. My last relationship gave me another beautiful child unfortunatley my ex didnt turn out to be very paternal, he resented my children and there father and and along with his family made a divide between my children, i am now in the northeast with no family as my mother passed away and my father and siblings moved, the only thing keeping me here is the fact i have 3 children who need so see there fathers, i am hoping to move to the south to be closer to my family and give my kids a better life, can my exes stop me ? i wont restrict access to the children and am willing to travell wherever possable to allow them access, school holidays, weekends where possable e.t.c, please help x

OP posts:
EirikurNoromaour · 01/03/2012 15:10

No they can't stop you. Good luck with it all!

LilacWaltz · 01/03/2012 15:11

'to give my kids a better life'

Really? How?

Yes. They can stop you by issuing a prohibited steps order and putting the whole lot in front of a judge!

Can you afford court? How would you afford to bring the children back up to their dads regularly?

LilacWaltz · 01/03/2012 15:11

Are they in school? This can be used as a big reason to prevent you moving

Original poster
robynwin · 01/03/2012 15:19

i can give my kids a better life by moving them to a better area than the one im in now, where they have more family and better oppertunity.
I can afford to bring them back reguiarly but would hope that sometimes the travell could be shared, (if this is not the case then i would willingly do all the travelling), one is in school but i dont plan on moving untill the summer so i wint be taking my child out of school mid term

OP posts:
ripsishere · 01/03/2012 15:21

That's harsh Lilac
OP, I don't know the answer but want to pat you on the back for trying to do the best for your children.

LilacWaltz · 01/03/2012 15:22

Whats harsh?

Original poster
robynwin · 01/03/2012 15:25

thankyou ripsishere, im not moving my children away out of spite, or to purposly restrict access, tbh my eldest child spends alot of his time with his father and im not even sure he will want to come with me, in which case i will have to do travelling of my own anyway, i just want better for them x

OP posts:
ripsishere · 01/03/2012 15:30

Just the curt nature of your response I suppose.

pinkdelight · 01/03/2012 15:34

I think it's true that they can restrict you moving away if they feel strongly, which it sounds like might be the case with your eldest at least. It can be argued that there are better areas that are closer and that while they will be moving closer to your family, they will be moving further away from their dads, which obviously takes precedence. A lot of it will depend on the relationship you and your dc have with your exes, but there's certainly a risk it won't be possible to move. With the best will in the world, access will be much harder.

Original poster
robynwin · 01/03/2012 15:43

thanks pinkdelight, i understand it would be easier to either stay where i am or move not too far away but i dont want to take the children to a place where they dont know anybody, i dont want to be the heartless mother who uproots her children just to spite exes, that is not why im doing this, i mean, did my ex husband think when he started his affair the impact on his kids, he chose to go from seeing them everyday to weekends only, not me, why should i stay somewhere where i have nothing just because this is where he lives .

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 01/03/2012 15:50

Well because it's not about you anymore. Do you have a house lined up to move to? A job to support you all and good schools etc? A judge would ask all this and much more if it went as far as a pso

As for being 'curt', well that's me! It's how I am

kerala · 01/03/2012 15:52

I thought Lilac was helpful and objective. It can't all be "oh how marvellous good luck" this is a big move and the fathers have to be taken into account as well as how settled the children are.

Original poster
robynwin · 01/03/2012 16:29

lilac i have everything lined up, house, income, schools! as for it not being about me, it is absolutley about me, my life, my children, my choices, ive had choices taken out of my hands about my children many times, did i choose for them NOT to see there father everyday? no!, did i choose to for them to sit back and watch there father welcome a new child into his world less than 8 months after we split? no, i know this will be a good move for my children, they will benefit from it, im not taking them away from there fathers as access will only be reduced slightly

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 01/03/2012 16:35

How far away are you moving ?

Original poster
robynwin · 01/03/2012 16:36

from the north east to norwich

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 01/03/2012 16:42

And the half sibling relationship?

Is there a contact order at present?

mynewpassion · 01/03/2012 16:43

Are you ok with splitting up the siblings if your eldest decides to stay with your ex?

Jellykat · 01/03/2012 17:27

I did what you're thinking about 9 years ago with my 2 DSs, there was a contact order in place, but it all happened just before our last hearing and future contact was agreed in the court.

DS2s father didn't want us to move and tried to stop us, but i like you, needed to be nearer my family..

Last year DS2s dad came over to see him for a few days, and finally admitted he understood why i'd moved, and that i'd done the right thing...

Sometimes the happiness of the main carer has to be considered, it's not like you're moving to another country.

Good luck robyn Smile

minimisschief · 01/03/2012 17:33

your being selfish

you have children. their needs are more important than yours. No one gives a fig how the two men hurt you. they have every right to be close to their children.

Original poster
robynwin · 01/03/2012 17:34

no contact order in place, my eldest stays with his father as i moved out of our home and gave it back to him, the house is the one my eldest grew up in and his friends live close thats why he chose to stay. the half sibling relationship brike down because the man is a compulsive liar who treat my children with resentment, i dont doubt for a single seccond he loves his son but anything paternal the man does is for show

OP posts:
Original poster
robynwin · 01/03/2012 17:39

minimisschief, my childrens needs ARE more important than mine, they need to be in a stable place with great oppertunitys which they will have, as for nobody giving a FIG how i was hurt, MY KIDS GIVE A FIG !, they have a right to see there children and they will do, im not stopping that!

OP posts:
Original poster
robynwin · 01/03/2012 17:39

thankyou jellykat x

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 01/03/2012 17:42

So you'd be leaving your eldest behind, and taking the two youngest with you?

LtEveDallas · 01/03/2012 17:45

I don't think you are being selfish.

I think you are doing the best for your children. If you have housing, job etc sorted then I cannot see why you shouldn't do so.

Yes your ex(s) could go to court, face that if it happens.

Jellykat · 01/03/2012 17:47

So a mother has no right to happiness, and no right to want better for her DC mini?
Shes not going far... access will be changed slightly not eliminated.

I get exactly where you're coming from robynwin x

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