moving away with my children

[robynwin]

Hi, im after some advice, i live in the north east i have 3 children to two fathers, my first marriage broke down after my husband had an affair, he left and moved in with his new gf, we have 2 children and they have 1 child together now. My last relationship gave me another beautiful child unfortunatley my ex didnt turn out to be very paternal, he resented my children and there father and and along with his family made a divide between my children, i am now in the northeast with no family as my mother passed away and my father and siblings moved, the only thing keeping me here is the fact i have 3 children who need so see there fathers, i am hoping to move to the south to be closer to my family and give my kids a better life, can my exes stop me ? i wont restrict access to the children and am willing to travell wherever possable to allow them access, school holidays, weekends where possable e.t.c, please help x

The Op isn't going to reduce contact with the children's fathers. She is just not going to be on their doorstep, so if they value the relationship with their kids, they will get off their arses and make sure they see them.

The OP has been well and truly screwed over by these men - it is in both her and her children's best interests to live where she has a good job and family support, because lets face it, with their track record, these kids can depend on their mother a lot more than they can depend on their fathers.

I never said it was okay for a cheating husband to lose contact with his kids, but neither do I think it fair that he gets to keep everything stacked in his favour and on his terms, to the detriment of the innocent party, who is just trying to move on and improve her life and that of her dc.

It's is highly unlikely that contact wouldn't be effected by such a move.
Ie if children Bo to fathers after school Friday till Sunday night or Monday morning. The distance alone means the child will be travelling Friday afternoon and Sunday afternoon. That is likely a minimum of 6 hours reduction.
One child lives with the father already so this will impact on sib line relationships and siblings also see each other a school and every weekend currently

Not saying it's perfect, but it seems to be the best solution to a situation that the OP didn't choose to be in.

It would be different if she could work and have proper family support where she currently is.

I think that considering we live in a society where everyone blames the mother if things go wrong (truancy etc), it's hypocritical to then turn around and say that mothers are not allowed to make decisions in their own best interests.
Mothers have to take care of their own emotional well being if they are going to be any good to their kids. So bearing this in mind, I think the OP should move to live closer to her family, in a nicer area, with better opportunities.
I agree with karma that the person who cheated should now take some responsibility for his behavior by putting his hand in his pocket to see his kids. But I bet he won't.

Well said Karma in theory it's about the rights of the DC but in practice the RP makes all the effort jumping through hoops while the NRP gets to sit back, get what they want and all the rights while taking none of the responsibility.

I'd like to see some court orders put on some NRPs, to say that they must stay within 10 miles of the children they fucked off and left, in order to ensure regular contact!

Am fed up with the woman having to think about what's best for everyone else all the time and none of these restrictions are put on the people who lie and cheat and leave, to force them to do the right thing.

I agree, karma. except naturally I'd substitute the gender neutral "people" for a more specific noun

MEN

I also bet the last of our money that if I came on here and said I was leaving my DC with my ex to move for a job I would be flamed.

No right of appeal late

Yes you would Hecubasdaughter.

Don't you know, a woman's place is in the wrong!

Yes karma I'm constantly told how good I am at it.

For my tuppence worth OP, I think you need to think really hard about the move for practical reasons more than anything else. If you still genuinely want the children to see their fathers you will find it very difficult, tiring, expensive and just too much in the end I fear.

I too have two XP's for my two children. My eldests father lives over 200 miles away in his home city. I've never moved, but over the years he has moved back and forth for a number of reasons and she doesn't have that great a relationship with her dad because of it. She can only travel up in holidays really and he works FT so its all really hard. She loves him, they talk, but whenever he moves up there the relationship deteriorates bit by bit. Now she's 11 and at high school I worry that it will get even worse as friends and things at home become more important to her.

My 2nd XP and I split in 2009. Cos he's a numpty he moved 120 miles away on almost a whim. (He thought living in the same city as me would be hard lol!) The next 12 months were exhausting for both of us, as the drive, which we mostly spli, used to eat into the weekends and his time with the children. I became very well known at Tibshelf services on the M1, the children would be tired and grumpy by the time they got to his and they only really had saturday to have fun as we did it all in reverse on a Sunday afternoon. Luckily we get on well and he realised and came back after about a year. Now he lives about a mile up the road and its great. The children and he see each other whenever they feel like and more importantly he is involved in their lives again.

I too am miles away from family, so i know how the pull to be close to them can be hard. I manage by having a great group of friends, colleagues, ex colleagues other mums etc that help. It takes effort to build relationships with others outside your family, but it can be done!
hth.