Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be stumped/mad/hurt for my daughter DH and me.

52 replies

Doha · 29/02/2012 19:47

Okay so she is still young 17 - bit has been going out with her boyfriend for 14 months. I think/thought he was a nice decent boy.
Last night they were discussing T in the park and holidays. They decided that they were coming on holiday with DH and me (nothing extravant just a week in a cottage in UK, so them not coming would not cost anything).
So this morning she texts me to say that he had gone ahead and bought himself a ticket for T in the park and had not told her--she had text him just to make sure of their decision. She was so gutted that he had changed his mind without ketting her know and leaving her no chance to get herself a ticket.
Now he was not forced to come with us on holiday-in fact l knew nothing about their decision to come until last night, so l can't work out what went wrong. Luckily l was not at work this morning and luckily managed to get her a ticket to go with her friends as she wants nothing to do with him now.
I can't believe l completly misjudged the boy. Guess l am mad at myself too. DD is so angry today l don't think the hurt has hit her yet.

Sorry not sure what l am asking , just needed to vent

OP posts:
tigermoll · 29/02/2012 19:52

He sounds like a bit of a tool, TBH, but that is true of many (most) seventeen year olds, no? I was certainly thoughtless, selfish, weak and not exactly the bestest partner in the world when I was a teenager.

This must be very sad for your daughter, and, although she will certainly get over it, she will be down for a while. Luckily, she has a lovely, supportive mum on whose shoulder she can cry for a bit.

Sarcalogos · 29/02/2012 19:54

Sounds like normal teenage angst. Not sure why you are so involved though..

weekendworrier · 29/02/2012 19:54

I think he has been a bit thoughtless,that's all, not sure why this is so upsetting for you all, unless there is backstory.

He's changed his mind- why are you so angry?

EchoBitch · 29/02/2012 19:54

Stay out of it,she will go with her friends and enjoy herself and get over it.

Let her friends slag him off...not you.

Tranquilidade · 29/02/2012 19:54

It's so hard Doha but you have to take a step back.

My DD, at 18, was "dumped" by a boy she was really keen on and had been going out with for over a year. He was horrid to her and I could have cheerfully strung him up by his nuts but, as mothers, we have to accept that this is their lives and we cannot be involved other than to love and support our daughters.

They will survive and it is these experiences that will make them grow into wonderful women.

Good luck and hope you are all ok

Hassled · 29/02/2012 19:55

It is hard when you get to know and trust a child's BF/GF and then have to watch it go tits up. You sort of feel that they've let you down, as well as your DC, don't you? Have been there.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 29/02/2012 19:55

Teenagers are fickle.

Why are you hurt for you and DH?

EauDeLaPoisson · 29/02/2012 19:56

You are dramatising it a bit much tbh- if you get involved in your daughters upsets each time you will spend the next goodness knows how many years 'so angry'

ILoveToPost01 · 29/02/2012 19:57

He's not that into her or going on holiday with you.

tigermoll · 29/02/2012 19:57

Also, you say you are angry with yourself for misjudging him. Stop that thought right now, - it is not your job to ensure that the men your daughter picks are suitable and will never, ever hurt her. She has to work that out for herself, and unless you have genuine concerns about a partner lying/cheating/abusing your daughter, your role is to welcome them all equally.

If I waited for my mum to give her cast iron guarantee that any man was 'good enough' for me, I'd still be a virgin :)

gamerwidow · 29/02/2012 19:59

It's sad for your DD and a pain that you've had tpo sort out tickets at the last minute but I wouldn't get too bothered by this.
Teenagers are not well known for their well thought out and considerate behaviour and unfortunately events like this are not uncommon.
Let it go and be grateful that at least now you and DH can have a nice holiday together on your own
:)

Spuddybean · 29/02/2012 20:04

i'm struggling to work out what he's done that wrong. You hadn't bought holiday tickets or anything. And i think your dd is totally over reacting if she'd dumped a boyfriend of 14 months over this.

TBH it's the kind of thing my DP still does and he's 31 - Make an arrangement with me and my parents for a weekend away then announce to me he's doing something else that weekend (sometimes only a few days before we go). It's annoying but we all get over it! we just go without him.

Original poster
Doha · 29/02/2012 20:11

Oh believe me l have bitten my tongue and said nowt.

The reason l was so upset for DD is that he was not going to tell her he had a ticket thus depriving her of the chance to get one. Today was the last issue released at 9am and had l not got one she would have either been home alone while her friends were at TITP or on holiday with her boring parents.
I wasn't bothered if he came on holiday or not with us, in fact a holiday with just DH and me sounds great--i think Hmm.
The DH and me in the title was a big mistake with copy and print.

OP posts:
Original poster
Doha · 29/02/2012 20:15

Spuddtbean l am shocked that you can't see that what he has done is inconsiderate and a bit selfish.
If my DH did something like that to me he would be my ex DH

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 29/02/2012 20:22

yes it is a 'bit' selfish. but that is all. it's not really warranting the reaction you have had imo.

You would divorce your husband for buying tickets to a concert on a date you had something else planned? Cross yes but leaving someone is a bit extreme.

BlueFergie · 29/02/2012 20:23

Pretty typical teenager and fairly obvious what happened. He agreed to go with you on hols because he thought it was what she wanted and he wanted an easy life. Realised he didn't fancy it /that his mates would slag the shite out of him for going away with ILs instead of TITP. Panicked that it was last chance to get tickets and got himself one. Should have told her before she asked but fairly standard inconsiderate teenage behaviour IMO.

BlueFergie · 29/02/2012 20:25

Although spud it's not behaviour I would accept from DH to be honest. Because it is juvenile and selfish which is something you can excuse in a teenager but not in a proper grown up partner.

Spuddybean · 29/02/2012 20:28

to be fair on DP he partly does it because he has terrible dyslexia and gets confused with dates, and partly because he completely forgets all about it so when someone invites him to something else he just says yes.

I suppose i am so used to it now, BUT i do expect it to be made up to me/us. I just wouldn't end the relationship over it.

BackforGood · 29/02/2012 20:30

Pretty typical teenager behaviour. With my ds (ok, he's a bit younger) it wouldn't in a million years cross his mind to check the dates of the festival didn't clash with the holiday - it just wouldn't enter his mind. Nor would he (or I) consider it strange if a mate said "I'm getting tickets for this, do you want one?" without necessarily involving a girlfriend. They are a bit young to be having to do everything together - maybe he fancied the weekend with his mate(s). I say a bit young, tbh, dh and I aren't attached at the hip either, and we're a lot older!
I'm not sure why you're so closely tied up in it all - teenagers have to work their way through these things sometimes.

BlueFergie · 29/02/2012 20:34

Well of course I can understand genuine double bookings which is not the case in OP but I would still expect that the original arrangement stands. I would take a dim view of DH pulling out of pre arranged family stuff for something he prefers to do? I wouldn't leave him over it although if it was a pattern I would have to question hw important myself and the kids are if arrangements with us are so easily cancelled.

Spuddybean · 29/02/2012 20:39

yes i suppose once we have children that would be different. However, i don't think the OP's daughter and the boyfriend have any kind of responsibilities so i do think OP and dd are over reacting.

But that's fine for dd (17 year olds prerogative) not really for OP. If i was OP i would probably just tut, roll my eyes and laugh. But that's just me :)

marriedinwhite · 29/02/2012 20:49

Bit confused really. Have a 17 year old ds. He got dumped on new year's eve - all rather nasty. I think if he had had a girlfriend for 14 months at 17 and we thought it was remotely serious, we would be arranging a holiday a long way away for several weeks to give him something other than young love to focus on.

mumeeee · 29/02/2012 23:00

You are over reacting. He was being a Bir thoughtless and he probably thought that your DD would be going on holiday with you so not want a ticket.

dandelionss · 29/02/2012 23:05

You can't really blame the poor lad for not wantinmg to go for a week in a holiday cottage with his gf's patrents!

Snakeonaplane · 29/02/2012 23:08

Perhaps he was feeling the pressure, tbh I never new any boys that would have wanted to go on Hols with gf and her parents at that age and dh says no way would he have. Their mot very good at discussing their feelings at this age.

Your dd will probably have a lot more disappointment from boys over the years, brace yourselfGrin

Swipe left for the next trending thread