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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be stumped/mad/hurt for my daughter DH and me.

52 replies

Doha · 29/02/2012 19:47

Okay so she is still young 17 - bit has been going out with her boyfriend for 14 months. I think/thought he was a nice decent boy.
Last night they were discussing T in the park and holidays. They decided that they were coming on holiday with DH and me (nothing extravant just a week in a cottage in UK, so them not coming would not cost anything).
So this morning she texts me to say that he had gone ahead and bought himself a ticket for T in the park and had not told her--she had text him just to make sure of their decision. She was so gutted that he had changed his mind without ketting her know and leaving her no chance to get herself a ticket.
Now he was not forced to come with us on holiday-in fact l knew nothing about their decision to come until last night, so l can't work out what went wrong. Luckily l was not at work this morning and luckily managed to get her a ticket to go with her friends as she wants nothing to do with him now.
I can't believe l completly misjudged the boy. Guess l am mad at myself too. DD is so angry today l don't think the hurt has hit her yet.

Sorry not sure what l am asking , just needed to vent

OP posts:

nobodyspecial · 29/02/2012 23:11

Wow, talk about an over reaction!!!

I fail to understand why you are mad/hurt for your DH?! That part makes no sense whatsoever!

He's 17 years old - teenagers are known to be a bit thoughtless. Infact men in general will do things and not realise they are annoying their partners/wives/gf's.

My husband has been thoughtless like this many times in our relationship. I actually don't expect to be put up high on a pedestal which is why I forgive and don't care if he thinks about himself once in a while.

You sound really high maintenance and I feel sorry for your husband if that's all it would take for you to issue a divorce!!

Get over it.

pinkteddy · 29/02/2012 23:35

nobodyspecial you are being very harsh. OP already said the DH bit in the thread title was a typo.

Agree that you dd's boyfriend obviously got scared at the prospect of going on holiday with you and didn't know how to get out of it. I wouldn't be surprised if your dd and he get back together if he apologises so don't criticise him too much in front of your dd!

WibblyBibble · 29/02/2012 23:37

God it is so depressing that people on here feel the need to justify men acting like dicks as some kind of biological imperative. Hopefully the fact that he's been dumped for being an inconsiderate knob at this young age will mean he is better in future. I certainly wouldn't want my daughters going out with someone who lied to them and potentially tricked them out of something they wanted to go to by being stupid and thoughtless.

OP well done for getting your daughters ticket sorted. You sound like a nice mum.

squeakytoy · 29/02/2012 23:40

If my DH did something like that to me he would be my ex DH

this isnt a husband and wife.. this is a pair of teenagers!!! YABU and making things worse from the sounds of it... maybe he thought she was going on holiday with you, so he bought a ticket to go to the gig with his mates.. it really is not the end of the world..

ajandjjmum · 29/02/2012 23:52

You can just see it though - his mates saying egging him on to go with them. Probably never crossed his mind to let your DD know so that she could sort out her ticket.

Thoughtless and hurtful - but sadly typical of many teenage boys.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 01/03/2012 00:04

It sounds like normal selfish/twatty/inability to communicate their real feelings (pressured to say yes to a family holiday when he doesn't want to) teen behaviour and I really don't see why your DD has dumped him over it (cold shoulder for a bit sure, but dumped?) and I really don't see why you are getting in such a state over it (I can't believe l completly misjudged the boy and starting this thread and I don't believe you re the thread title, I think you just realised it was utter twattery ).

Don't say too much, I don't this will be a permanent dumping.

Original poster

Doha · 01/03/2012 00:07

Nobody if my DH agreed to go somewhere with me and then went back on his word and didn't tell me well yes that would have serious consequences.
Squeaky l fail to see how l could have made things worse as if you had read what l wrote at 20.11 --->
Oh believe me l have bitten my tongue and said nowt. I simply bought her a ticket to go with her friends.
Just a wee point, l had not even considered the pair of them coming on holiday with us this year until it was presented by them late last night as a done deal and l hadn't even discussed it with DH yet.
Anyway what happens between them now is their business, l have kept right out of it. She is talking about going away to University in the summer now so we will wait and see.
She is only 17 after all and l agree she is very young to be serious and l do tell her that frequently but it's hard to put the point across when l met my DH at 17.

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 01/03/2012 00:11

Yes - not a leg to stand on really!! It's a bit hard to say 'I wish I hadn't settled for your Dad so young'

nobodyspecial · 01/03/2012 00:11

Serious consequences as divorce? Hmm....

Well you HAVE posted this in AIBU. So in response to your thread title: YES, YABU.

HTH.

Pandemoniaa · 01/03/2012 00:35

Yes, it's inconsiderate but that's teenage life for you. Best to step back from it.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 01/03/2012 07:51

Are you sure this whole thing isn't a cunning ploy to get you to buy your DD a ticket, and let her go to the concert without trying to persuade her to go on holiday with you?

Floggingmolly · 01/03/2012 10:07

Back off. Empathy for your children is a wonderful thing, but you are way too over involved with this situation, yourself and your DH have not been personally slighted in any way. As to your dd, she's 17, let her work it out herself.

Mrsjay · 01/03/2012 10:14

thoughtless twit by the sounds of it doesnt mean he is a bad lad just got over excited about T in the park maybe his friends badgered him to go maybe the weeks Holiday was an after thought for him , I know your daughter is upset about it maybe they didnt communicate to each other what they wanted to do and the holiday wasnt set in stone for him .

Mrsjay · 01/03/2012 10:21

and as pombear pointed out your dd is going to T as well as her him 17 yr olds dont really deep down want to go on holiday with parents really do they ? but I have had experience of an older teen coming with us but being a misery i just wish they would be honest and say i dont want to come ,

Malificence · 01/03/2012 11:28

At least she's found out he is a thoughtless and selfish young man now and not in a few years time when she'd had kids with him and he turned out to be yet another knobber.

It proves she's a young woman with high self esteem and won't lie down and be a doormat, that should make you very proud and she should be congratulated for not taking any crap.

QuintessentialyHollow · 01/03/2012 11:34

So, he did not want to go with his girlfriend and her parents to a holiday cottage.... Who can blame him? How embarrasing and awkward. Whose idea was this?
Yours?
Her?

I bet he did not really want to and said ok for the peace of it. Then decided, shit, not putting up with holidaying with girlfriends parents, rather than T.

But he knew girlfriend was going with parents, so left her out of it.

No big deal. Just dont again try suggest your teenage dd take her boyfriend on a family holiday, unless you want her to get dumped!

And try not to live your life through her, it is most unbecoming with meddling parents when you are a teen.

Malificence · 01/03/2012 11:44

If people will read the thread properly the tagging along on holiday was the young couple's idea, not Mum and Dad's.

Not sure why people think young men don't want to holiday with the GF's family, my DD's first Boyfriend came on holiday with us at 16 and 17 and her current boyfriend (23) is coming away with us in June - if a young man has so little gumption that he can't say no to an invitation and weasels out of it by sneaky behaviour, he's not good enough for my DD or anyone elses.

SunRaysthruClouds · 01/03/2012 12:13

OP YABU. Teenagers having a spat, and if not a spat, breaking up. It happens. If everyone on MN had a thread about their kids arguments with boy/girl friends the MNHQ machine would break down.

Anyway don't forget to keep us updated on her next disagreement. Maybe she'll turn out to be gay - that might be marginally more interesting.

lurkedtoolong · 01/03/2012 15:05

Blimey, if I was 17 and my gf's parents wanted me to go on holiday with them then got 'so angry' because I didn't check the dates of a festival with them then I'd run for the hills. Let it go.

PeppyNephrine · 01/03/2012 15:51

He's a 17 year old boy. Selfish and inconsiderate are defining characteristics, you can't actually be surprised.
Agree with those saying you are way way over-involved in this.

PosiePumblechook · 01/03/2012 15:52

FFS they're seventeen. Grow up.

Original poster

Doha · 01/03/2012 17:23

Thanks for reading my posts properly Malifiance at least you seem to understand l NEVER asked them to come on holiday with us or even expected DD to go.
I was more gutted for her that she had been let down and it was sheer luck that she got a ticket.
Anyway she is made of stronger stuff and is resolute in that she won't be treated like that by anyone, especially someone who could change his mind completly within 8 hours.
Anyway l am off, thanks to all who posted on this thread even to those who obviously skimmed the posts and got my involvement so wrong

OP posts:

PeppyNephrine · 01/03/2012 17:43

The fact that you are posting about this at all means you are over-involved, so not that far wrong.

pictish · 01/03/2012 17:49

What Peppy said!

Stay out of it. It's teen crap and not for you to worry about.

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2012 18:09

They probably agreed to go on the holiday because they thought they stood no chance of actually being able to get a ticket.

He tried and suceeded, she sulked and you bought her one...job done!

I'm sure they'll be back together by the morning

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