Mum refusing to help with childcare because of comment my husband made

[KnockedUpMell]

My mum lives abroad usually. She is currently livin with us to help out with childcare as I am going back to work. She is recently separated and retired and usually spends a few months with me, a few months with my brother, and a few months travelling with her family. She has few interests except for religion. She is a very devout Christian. We are not. Today my husband made a comment about mum always playing gospel music to the baby (1y o), and suggested it would do baby some good to be exposed to other kinds of music during the day. Gospel music is th only kind of music mum listens to, and it is on pretty much all day. She got very upset and said we should find a full time nanny immediately as she didn't want to stay with us if we couldn't accept her religion. We do not have an issue with what religion she chooses to follow, but my husband was concerned that baby would get influenced and we would prefer for baby to have a broad view of religions and choose to practice out of his own free will when he is old enough. Was my husband really being unreasonable in requesting that my mum plays other kinds o music when she watches baby?? Btw we do not mind paying for childcare, and have asked my mum to stay partly for her benefit, as she tends to get very lonely when she is living alone, and of course for baby's benefit so he has a close relationship with his gran.

If you want your child to grow up with a broad view of religions then your Mum isn't going to help with that. If you pay someone that is fine but in these family situations I think you are on thin ground to dictate how she cares for your child too much.

It might be better for your relationships if she just spends time with your child as a granny rather than as a childcarer

I doubt if your baby will be influenced religiously by your mothers music. Seriously. It's a baby listening to music. If you don't want your mother influencing your child it's probably best that you do look into other options.

Pay for childcare - this will also allow consistancy for your DC who won't have to be changed around when your mum goes to your DBs or travelling. If she wants to stay at your house, then she has to accept that she wuold be a guest in your house and how you chose to raise your child is your decision as a couple, not any of her business, of course if you are relying on her to provide care then you don't get the same clear cut difference.

Honestly, if she's kicking up about music, then what's it going to be like when your DC can talk and she starts telling them Mummy and daddy's views are wrong?

YABU, the gospel won't harm your child, especially not at one year old! Better than Rihanna any day.

I personally doubt that a one year old baby understands enough lyrics in the gospel music for brainwashing to be a particular risk! However, couldn't you get some sort of Baby CD with kiddie songs and so on on it that you could encourage the baby to really really like? Then it isn't an issue about religion, it's about letting him have a listen to something more fun for his age.

If you make it about religious views then you are asking for another row with her and frankly, it's quite ridiculous to argue about the religious view of a one year old baby.

I doubt very much your dc will become a rabid bible-basher because of exposure to Gospel music. If she is helping out with childcare for free, I think you should cut her a bit of slack. Just try to see that everyone gets to play some of their choice of music when you are all together - not for any religious point but just for the sake of fairness.

YABU

I think at 1yo your baby won't give much of a hoot which music is played. But a few nursery rhyme CDs might have been a better way to approach it so your mum didn't think her religion was being criticised although she does sound ridiculously over sensitive.

I doubt a 1 year old baby cares what music is being played. And even an older child is unlikely to be religiously influenced just by listening to some music. I think it's BU to dictate what music your mum can play (presumably she has it on mostly for her own benefit?)

however, I do think you should sit down with mum and say that you respect her religious beliefs as you hope she does yours. Or you will end up driving a wedge between you. If you are happy to pay for childcare anyway, perhaps it's a better option that you do, and your mum just has shorter periods when she looks after the baby?

Chill out! Your baby's only one - he's not exactly going to be leaping up and shouting "Hallelujah to the Lord!" and making lifelong religious decisions just because your Mum plays him some gospel music!

I think at 1yo your baby won't give much of a hoot which music is played. But a few nursery rhyme CDs might have been a better way to approach it so your mum didn't think her religion was being criticised although she does sound ridiculously over sensitive.

Bugger

The child is one - I don't think your mum playing gospel music all day is going to turn him into a devout christian!

i don't think playing a bit of gospel music to a 1 year old is going to indoctrinate him into christianity.

your mum can listen to whatever she likes, and she is doing you a favour. yabu.

my child listens to choral and organ music all day.
bit of They might be giants thrown in.

you could always play her other music when she's not at your mother's.

but you might need to get your DH to apologise to her....

BTW - you should definately set up alternative childcare provision anyway, if she's throwing her dummy out about this now, what will be the next thing that sets her off? It's one thing having a few weeks to sort out care, but what if she decided one Sunday evening she wouldn't do childcare? You need a professional you can rely on, family arrangements can't be on a grudging basis and not with anyone who thinks it's ok to use the withdrawl of care as a threat to get their own way.

YABU I think you can ask for no music or her music. I don't think you can ask her to listen to other types of music that she doesn't want to solely so your 1 year old can develop a wide variety of musical tastes . I have a one year old and she at the minute is suffering a constant bombardment, as we all are, of Bruno Mars courtesy of her eldest sister.

Passive aggressive on the part of your DH, really - is he worried that the child might "catch religeon" FFS.

Is this when you are all in the house, or when your mother is alone with the baby?

If she's alone YABU - Apart from the religion aspect, which is obviously very important to your mother, would you think it was reasonable if you were minding a friend's child and they objected to your taste in music and tried to dictate that you listened to something you didn't like?

If it's when you're all there, then your DH is entitled to choose the music in his own home from time to time.

Saying that it would do the baby "some good" to hear other music is surely suggestion that harm is currently being done?

That said, I personally couldn´t listen to one type of music day in day out.

But it sounds as if paid childcare might be the way to go as there will probably be conflicts in the future!

She's in your house now, yes?

Being put up for 'a few months' for free, by any chance? In the house that also belongs to your husband? So he's happy for his MIL to stay for months at a time every year, despite her being the sort of woman who will have a tantrum over something trivial even when she's a guest in your home?

Your mum needs to stop looking her gift horse in the mouth if you ask me!

'baby getting influenced' it isn't crack you know

I love a bit of Gospel, me. A Gospel choir can really get the place rocking.

Well the gospel music in itself isnt really a problem - I would say its more your mums unwillingness to accept any other way which is the problem...now music, what will it be next month, next year.

Fair enough you respect her religion, she needs to respect your views too - if you dont nip this in the bud now you will have massive problems with her a few years down the line.

If I were you I would pay for childcare and just let your mum enjoy being a gran, no more, no less.