Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Mum refusing to help with childcare because of comment my husband made

76 replies

KnockedUpMell · 29/02/2012 12:30

My mum lives abroad usually. She is currently livin with us to help out with childcare as I am going back to work. She is recently separated and retired and usually spends a few months with me, a few months with my brother, and a few months travelling with her family. She has few interests except for religion. She is a very devout Christian. We are not. Today my husband made a comment about mum always playing gospel music to the baby (1y o), and suggested it would do baby some good to be exposed to other kinds of music during the day. Gospel music is th only kind of music mum listens to, and it is on pretty much all day. She got very upset and said we should find a full time nanny immediately as she didn't want to stay with us if we couldn't accept her religion. We do not have an issue with what religion she chooses to follow, but my husband was concerned that baby would get influenced and we would prefer for baby to have a broad view of religions and choose to practice out of his own free will when he is old enough. Was my husband really being unreasonable in requesting that my mum plays other kinds o music when she watches baby?? Btw we do not mind paying for childcare, and have asked my mum to stay partly for her benefit, as she tends to get very lonely when she is living alone, and of course for baby's benefit so he has a close relationship with his gran.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 29/02/2012 18:39

I think this is an age where kids can become influenced very easily

Not at bloody one year of age they dont!!!! Get a grip on yourself!

LentillyFart · 29/02/2012 18:41

I too have rarely read anything that oozes stupidity quite like

husband was concerned that baby would get influenced and we would prefer for baby to have a broad view of religions and choose to practice out of his own free will when he is old enough

I think you're another wind up artist. I've checked and it's not full moon so fuck knows what's going on tonight on MN!

Maryz · 29/02/2012 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FilterCoffee · 29/02/2012 19:37

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 29/02/2012 20:09

Well I'm an atheist and we listen to Gospel music (it cheers me up!) and a lot of classical music stems from religion and DD likes a bit of classic FM.

If you think a 1 year old can be heavily influenced do you censor the pop songs (Rihanna et al) and nursery rhymes (violence or religious origins)?

You can't have your cake and eat it and that seems to be what you want - dictate how the child care will work and get it for free.

I hope you won't be reducing your Mums visits now she isn't supplying free childcare

Aribura · 29/02/2012 23:40

haha yes, your 1 year old infant who can't understand the most literal and simple language can definitely understand and be influenced by such classics as "Jesus, take the wheel."

Either a wind-up or PFB of mindblowing proportions (for which the only comfort to me is the impending hindsighted embarassment a couple of years down the line.)

Pornyissue · 01/03/2012 00:12

Lol thanks for the chuckle op!

take it this is your first dc? Easily influenced at the grand old age of 1 you say?

Aww...

TheRhubarb · 01/03/2012 09:55

Wow.

And this is a genuine poster.

The mind boggles.

So you've stopped your mother from being herself and stopped her from providing childcare to her grandson. Your poor mother deserves better. It sounds as though she has a great life, spending as much time with each of you as she can, providing free childcare in payment for you putting her up and also getting to spend precious time with her grandchildren. She also loves her religious hobby as it makes her happy, which is a beautiful thing to experience as you are getting older. But now you've basically told her that this hobby, which is a large part of her life, is not welcome in your home and as further punishment she can no longer spend that precious time with her grandson.

What a cruel and heartless thing to do.

Who do you think has more influence over a baby - his grandmother who he sees for a few months a year or his parents? Do you not think that as parents, you would balance out granny's religious beliefs with your own atheist views? How about your atheist influence over the baby? Or is that ok? Hardly giving him a broad religious view though is it? In fact I'd say that was only giving him one view - yours.

I think you are being petty, selfish and narrow-minded. I feel extremely sorry for your mother and if she was a paid carer, she'd have a case for discrimination. Make you sure you buy plenty of cotton wool now, you'll need it for wrapping the baby up in.

Adversecamber · 01/03/2012 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PushyDad · 01/03/2012 10:23

How is listening to gospel music at the age of one gonna affect the baby's development?

Looking forward a few years to when DC is a toddler, I'm not a religious person myself but I don't see any harm in a child hearing about God from the gran. Its not as if she is gonna brainwash the kid into joining a cult. As long as the gran respect your wishes and your boundaries I think there are worst things than being told to respect your elders, be tolerant and charitable.

Having said that, I have religious friends and relatives and when they start talking about God this and God that, I wish I was somewhere else. :)

AIBUqatada · 01/03/2012 10:27

Wanting your baby to have "a broad view of religions" surely means allowing or even celebrating his exposure to a range of influences from the diverse people around him, of whom your mum with her Christian outlook is one. Your intolerance seems a much greater obstruction to that breadth of outlook and choice of practice than her gospel music.

Why do so many people fear the mere presence of religion in any corner of their children's lives? The fear has the same effect on their children's intellectual and moral development as a refusal to let them climb trees or (when the time is right) go to the shops on their own, etc., has on their physical/social development. It impoverishes their environment, removes a thousand opportunities for learning, and demonizes potential encounters that might ultimately be enriching (even when they enrich atheism rather than faith).

Mrsjay · 01/03/2012 10:33

Its music and whats wrong with gospel Music not that im religious but i do like gospel , if you do not want your son influenced get a nanny your mum is right Its just music it wont corrupt the baby

HomeEcoGnomist · 01/03/2012 10:40

Ah, the perils of grandparent childcare.
I think the music is a red herring - your DH just doesn't like your mum living with you.

I say from experience that you kind of have to put up and shut up if you have family involved in childcare. And we paid my mum!!

hiddenhome · 01/03/2012 10:45

More examples of liberal, atheist tolerance I see

leftwingharpie · 01/03/2012 10:46

Sometimes I wish I could go back to my pre-MN days before I found out how bonkers everyone is.

HereIGo · 01/03/2012 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AIBUqatada · 01/03/2012 10:58

lol leftwingharpie, me too. Imagine if there is a God: the burden of being able to see with perfect clarity all of the mince inside the heads of every one of us would be like being a full-time lurker on a whole-of-humanity version of Mumsnet. "Bonkers, the lot of them," he must be saying every day.

TBE · 01/03/2012 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinPalace · 01/03/2012 11:04

your Dh was out of line saying that. It can be a loooong day in the company of a 1yo and if she can play her music and it helps her be a better person with your dc from morning to aft - all the better. It was rude and inconsiderate especially as a 1yo is wayyyyy to young to be able to take on board anything in that arena for some time yet.
Maybe there will be a time when you will need to address how much she exposes the dc to but it is miles off yet. Even when the time does come your child will automatically get a range of exposure - you will have the greatest influence and she will have some too.

I think I sincere apology is in order here - she must be very hurt.

It's music, cheerful music. The baby is 1. Your mum isn't in a cult and at least she isn't trying to introduce baby to heavy metal like my DH!!!!!!

Agincourt · 01/03/2012 11:09

you are expecting her to look after your child for free whilst you go back to work and tbh I don't think gospel music is a huge deal under the circumstances if tyou cannot afford to pay anyone else for childcare

SwivellingDicksTidyWife · 01/03/2012 11:11

Could be worse, she could be playing Chris de Burgh all day, imagine coming home to a baby singing 'Don't pay the ferryman?'

hiddenhome · 01/03/2012 11:27

My ds2 used to listen to Baby Mozart which is why he's now a genius

This thread has to be a wind up

LydiaWickham · 01/03/2012 13:07

I think you have made the right decision to get paid for childcare, apart from the music thing, she goes off for months on end travelling at the moment, you would be always having to try to find other care and messing your DC around, at least this way you know you have care in place and aren't subject to your mum's whims of refusing to care for your DC because you've questioned anything she does. (The "having to put up with the way they do it because it's a favour" argument is why even though MIL offered to have DS for free we pay for care - just not worth the hassle).

Lueji · 01/03/2012 15:05

I'm just glad she was not listening to Scissor Sisters then.

Who knows what the baby might turn out to be...

desperatenotstupid · 01/03/2012 19:02

Lueji - that made me laugh!! I used to listen to the Scissor sisters when i was pregnant with DD2 "take your mother out all night" and "filthy gorgeous"!!was the only thing to get her to sleep

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread