A [not particularly] stealthy brag, but a bit of a rant

[MarinaIvy]

This morning, during busy commuter time, I helped a young mother, her twin pushchair (loaded with what must be two very good eaters!), her suitcase, her elderly relative, and her adorable toddler down the stairs at my London train station.

All around us commuters were getting exasperated, because we weren't moving at breakneck speed. There was some shoving, some tsking, but most people just looked irritated and got past as fast as they could. Two gentlemen, however, stepped in to help carrying things, even got protective and chided some people trying to shove past. And a couple of people smiled, but didn't get involved.

So here's the rant: why can't people, upon seeing people who need help, Just Do It? Accept there's a blockage and, instead of fuming, help "unblock". If more people had helped from the outset we could have done it all much faster, which would have been better for everybody, not just the mother & crew, but everybody, by clearing the stairs faster.

I'm being philosophical about it - it hasn't ruined my day - on the contrary, for the "price" of a minute of effort, and some desperately needed exercise!, I earned a good feeling that will last me a while (I hope). And I'm vastly cheered by the thought that my reward (and the punishment the gits in the crowd get) is that they have to live with themselves and I don't.

But still. What do Mumsnetters think?

I don't really understand why travelling on public transport in London (or anywhere for that matter) has to be such a nightmare. I think people sometimes go out expecting it to be horrid, and then lo and behold it is. I find that it makes a big difference if you behave and think differently about it e.g. instead of shoving to get on trains, ignoring people, fighting for seats etc, let people go ahead of you, smile or make brief eye contact when appropriate; hell, even try SPEAKING to people! I try to make an active effort to have a nice experience on the tube/bus and most of the time it works. But then again, I don't have the reflexive horror of strangers or being in close quarters with them that a lot of people seem to and that people seem to deal with by switching off as Onlyaphase describes.

I'm surprised OP. I have twins in London and have always found people really helpful (and am very grateful, and have generally always offered help myself when placed to do so). I no longer need assistance on the stairs (girls can walk up & I carry the buggy), but get several offers every time. Being offered a seat when pregnant was a bit more hit and miss but I asked if I needed to sit and never had a refusal (or a snide comment). I remember while I was TTC I was sat on the tube staring at the belly of a pregnant woman for two or three stops before I realised I ought to be offering my seat. So I tend not to think of it as badly meant, just that when people are on the tube they are often zoning out a bit and not always proactive.

The busses are less friendly though.

Glad you made the mother's and your day better by offering a hand - it is a much nicer way to live.

Having lived in London for @ 20 years, I can give you a different perspective. For the first 17 years of that time, pregnant people were not particularly on my radar but, if I noticed one - or indeed anyone else not as fit as I, I offered my seat. However, after being pregnant myself and, to be fair, being offered seats on a relatively regular basis (Picadilly Line, such joy), I became more aware and, as such, probably offered more often.

Finally, in the defence of most Londoners, it is incredibly stressful during rush hour and most pay a fortune for the privilege, so please excuse the occasional bad manners. I am, however, thankful that I'm now 500 miles away and drive to work! :)

LadyClarice, I am struggling to think of pleasant things about my tube commute.

Too many people waiting at the platform when I start my journey. Not enough room on the tube for everyone to get on. Standing space only, even though I'm only 3 stops from the start of the line. Stand & shuffle for 6 stops. Change line. Shuffle off down steps & escalators entirely unable to move at my own speed because I have to go with the flow. Again too many people to get on the first available tube. Wait in bovine fashion for a tube with some space on it. Get on with people pressing up behind me. Stand & shuffle again for another 7 stops. Get off.
Sometimes just inhaling is bad enough, as you are gassed by what everyone ate the night before or for breakfast, the thought of chatting to anyone while my head is nestled in their arm pit - just doesn't occur to me!!!!

My and my dd once stood outside kings cross tube station gawking to one side not in any tutters or pushers way. When a suited and booted lady literally fell at our feet. I of course asked her if she was ok needed a hand, she looked at me like id just offered to boil her in oil or something. I was a little

Doesn't only happen in London though. I was shopping in my local town the other day a man was struggling at the top of the escalators. Doing a one foot of one foot on kind of shuffle dance. No one offered a hand just tutted and sighed. Me, dd and the shuffle dancer went down together.

Well, I often travel at rush hour and have a very similar experience to you. I'm a fast walker, left to my own devices; the 'tube shuffle' is definitely not my walking pace of choice. And yes, it's busy and you end up pressed up against people. My point was that, even if you can't change the situation, you can change the way you think about it and react to it. IME it really makes a difference.

And, obviously I don't mean you should strike up a conversation with someone while your head's in their armpit. I mean things like, if someone does offer me a seat, I find that taking the few seconds to smile and say 'Thanks, but I'm getting off soon' or whatever, rather than just shaking my head and grunting 'S'alright', usually gets a warm smile back and a pleasant feeling between me and them.

I grew up in London but now live in Cornwall. When I return I feel like Crocodile Dundee, smiling, moving aside, helping a blind lady down the tube steps, etc.

In my small town the level of rudeness that comes with a Londoners protective shell would be noticed and you would be judged. London is so busy now, day in day out it definately hardens you.

A baby in a sling will make people smile. A group of retired ladies 'up for the day' shuffled along a bench on a platform when I told them I was 10 weeks pregnant and about to collapse.

I think there are, and always have been, selfish people and caring helpful people. As well as people who are genuinely very busy and if they see that someone is already being helped, feel OK to pass by - I've done that myself e.g. when on the way to a nursery pick-up, though I would stop to help if necessary.

I've been cared for fantastically by complete strangers when I had an attack of morning sickness on the tube, rushed off the train and almost fainted (and it was too early for me to look pregnant, so no one knew that). People supported me, helped me to a seat, bought me a bottle of water and wouldn't take a ny money for it, etc.

I've also never seen anyone in need of help in public being ignored, except one time when a man was sprawled across the pavement and people were stepping over him - it was a weekend evening and I think people thought he was drunk and possibly aggressive, but he was unconscious and I was worried in case it was a fit or whatever. I did call an ambulance so ultimately, he was helped.

Apart from that, any accident, person falling over, being taken ill etc that I've ever seen has had several passers by helping at once - including in London, and in the big city where I live now.

Do you think London has changed in the last few years with the recession etc? Just remembering that when dd was little (she's 10 nxt month) I often had to travel through london as part of long train journesy with her in a sling, carrying rucksack etc and people were outstandingly helpful. We were generally offered a seat on the tube, help with bags etc. (Either that or I just looked very very frazzled and in need of assistance?!)

I find London a really scary place, but the I come from Ireland where a "crowd" at a train station constitutes about 50 people! I've only been on the tube a few times but I've cried every time because I find it so intimidating. I think to a certain extent even for people who are used to it, being in such a mass of people is a real sensory overload - the only way to deal with it is to keep your head down and focus on getting where you're going. Looking around, stopping to help people, just being polite all seem a bit too much when you're scrumming with 200 or so people who are always in a rush. I always have to stop to check where I'm going and just getting out of the crush to look at maps is very difficult, it makes me quite panicky. I'm normally not such a wuss, but there's just something about being surrounded by so many bodies in a windowless underground tunnel that makes the whole experience really overwhelming.

I find by contrast that making an effort to engage, or at least not to 'shut down', makes me feel more relaxed about being in a crowd.

And I don't think London has changed recently, no. I think there have always been and will always be nice behaviour, horrid behaviour, good days and bad days, everywhere.

London public transport is full ok knobs who don't give two hoots about anyone else. I'm only actually on such transport for 12 minutes, but while pregnant standing that long was actually long enough to cause me to faint so after about 8-10 mins when I felt funny I used to sit down on the floor with my head between my knees. Nobody ever offered me a seat when I got on the train, nor (bar once) thought to ask how I was or if I needed a seat once I was in such a state. Unsurprisingly I didn't feel it necessary to move our of their way particularly quickly when they were in a hurry to get off.

Ooh, everlong - I would have been one of the ones tutting at you if you'd been standing on the left of the escalator.

Wow, three pages - will get to reading...

I have to say, the only time I have taken a DC on the tube in a buggy I had so much help from other travellers.

At one stop one lovely man just picked up the buggy and carried it down the stairs for me before I had even had a chance to contemplate how I was going to get down them.

Conversely, I was on a tube train once and there was a very obviously blind man with a white stick waiting to get off a not crowded tube train, no one waiting to get on.

And STILL some bloke shoved past him on the way out the door.

FFS.

LadyClarice you've GOT to get on a bike! Since I've freed myself up from the buses (and the tube was never a good idea with this particular commute), I've had a much nicer commute than having to deal with public transporters.

Perhaps I shouldn't be saying this - in town I use a BarclayBike, and I'm already dreading dwindling stocks as the weather gets nicer and nicer!

But, really, if you're the kind of person who likes to take your own destiny into your own hands, biking or walking is pretty much the only way. And, as a mum with toddler daycare drop-off issues, etc, it's about the only exercise I have time for these days!

And I utterly agree (and that's pretty much my point, but more succinctly, I guess) - if you can't change the situation, make the best of it - in this case, helping people out would have made life easier for everybody.

Don't get me wrong, all - I'm actually not keen on seeing pushchairs during rush hour, if it can be helped, but I suppose one has to assume if they're going to these lengths, it probably can't.

In this instance, the mum and crew seemed to be en route to another train - I think they even mentioned they were going to Hereford (a not inconsiderable distance). Their demeanour didn't seem to be "jolly day out", either.

Cameron - huh, you'd be surprised. One of my afore-mentioned instances of me pregnant and on crutches was in a very crowded commuter train. Not only did nobody offer me a seat, but one particular culprit stands out:

My crutch handle kept hitting a "sleeping" woman in a seat I was stood next to (I really wasn't trying to - honest!), and I could see her grimace every time and, on the first occasion, open her eyes a tiny bit. Train was delayed and I stood for 45 minutes. When we got close to the second-to-last stop (which turned out to be hers), she suddenly "woke up" and said, in a loud voice "would you like to sit here?". I said "No, I've gotten used to standing these last 45 minutes - you don't get to play Lady Bountiful just because you're getting off anyway". And she protested "Oh, I had no idea you were there", etc.

Everybody who can offer a seat but doesn't is probably going to go to hell. But there's a special place in it for liars like her.

MarinaIvy, I'm terrified of cycling in towns and very unfit and lazy
I really don't mind getting tubes, trains and buses. It's great reading time.

And I agree, even Dante couldn't imagine the deep dark circle of hell that that lying mare is going to.

i think people criticising London commuters need to remember that large numbers of commuters have moved into town from 'the provinces' here to make a fast buck on property, prove themselves in the 'big city' then move out again, so the bad behaviour comes from all over the country not London or 'Londoners' per se.

I always find that people offer seats to anyone who looks like they need it. It is hard enough and crap enough in the mornings getting around so the extra buggies/babies/suitcases do make a difficult start to the day a bit more difficult.

poor woman :( i like to help to and once one person does others always join in. i think i must be lucky i ave never had these problems and i live in london

i was always offered a seat on train/tube or bus apart from once it was my last week at work the driver told the guy sitting in the seat closest to him to get him he ignored him then he was told off by lots of other people :)

always had help with the buggy even in rush hour, i get that people are less generous with their time as they are in a rush but never had anyone be rude

Good point creighton. Also, a lot of commuters possibly live outside London and are coming in and out of town on a daily basis.

Well done op, you will have made someone's day. Don't think you should generalise though about Londoners all being rude (for whoever said that).

I was on the tube in London recently and there was a lady with the strangest piece of luggage i've ever seen - it was like a body bag, but longer, and she was dragging it along behind her. She was pulling a case on wheels with one hand, and this other thing with the other. She was obviously struggling, so I asked her if I could help. She was very polite and said "No, I'm fine thanks, you're about the fifth person who has asked if they can help though".

Maybe I was just there on a good day.

And as an aside, does anyone have any ideas what she might have been carrying in her strange piece of luggage? . Never seen anything like it before.

I was offered a seat on the northern line every single day when I was pregnant. I was huge mind! I was genuinely impressed.

When we lived in London my SIL gave DD1 a fab T-shirt for those tube journeys: 'Be nice to me, I'll be paying your pension'