To think it would be hard for someone from an ordinary background to not feel a bit left out in at a top flight uni?

[Hammy02]

I just can't see how people can have even similar experiences at such places if they are from massively different backgrounds. Do people tend to stick with people from the same backgrounds as each other? Even in my 6th form, those from wealthy backgrounds hung around together as they generally did more expensive things at the weekend than everyone else. Eg, holidays abroad half a dozen times a year while the rest of us had Saturday jobs.

It's 12 years ago now, but at my Russell group university rich kids did tend to stick together (as you say, they had expensive tastes!) but were massively outnumbered by the standard middle class and working class kids, whose resources were all much of a muchness (varying degrees of jobs and loans). Don't know if it has changed much...

YABU. You don't need to be the same as people to get on with them. And why assume that all people at a "top flight uni" (whatever that means) will be wealthy as opposed to "ordinary"?

I went to a top flight uni from a state school. I was the first in my family to go to any kind of uni. I loved the dining in hall, latin grace, looming cathedral and archaic customs. On occasion I had to learn fast but it was fine. I gravitated toward others of a similar backgrouind because I couldn't afford to eat out all the time like the "rahs" did but they were perfectly nice people and I didn't feel uncomfortable around them. I don't really know what the alternative is anyway - I am utterly against any kind of social engineering at a Uni level. State schools need to be given the tools they need to encourage and help youngsters apply for these places and help give them the self belief to go. I now teach in a private school that sends a large % of its students to these types and am completely comfortable in the environment.

My mum went to Oxford from her local comprehensive school in Gateshead in the early 70s. She had a fantastic time, she certainly never mentions feeling left out or looked down on.

I think while there might be people with chips on their shoulder at both ends of the spectrum the majority are there because they enjoy the subject and want to study it, giving an automatic thing in common to talk about at least.

YABU. I went to a 'top flight' uni. The people I spent time with were from all different sorts of backgrounds, it was great to learn about so many people's different lifestyles but during term time everyone had much the same lifestyle.

I am very ordinary and fitted in just fine at a good university. People are just people.

Did you find that Winkly? I found that there was definitely a group of rich kids who would eat out a lot, book cottages for weekends away, go shopping in designer shops, had mobile phones etc. They did tend to stick together, though perfectly nice people. The rest of us were much the same though.

If you are at a top university you all share an important trait of being smart. A lot of people care more about intelligent conversation than how much money your family has.

i am from a comp school, 'trade' parents and i went to a royal top university and didn't feel left out.

in some ways people organise themselves into their own background type groups - e.g. the first hockey team were generally girls from the top hockey schools which were generally private etc. but i mixed with people from all layers of socieity and all incomes. many of the richest people (landed, old money) are quite sensible with money and humble, of course there's a layer of people who like to spend money and show off but they tend to cluster together.

Oh shit don't say that. DD1 has been offered a prelim place at a top(ish) uni and we're as common as shite!

I was the first in my family to go to university and went to a Russell Group university in the 90s. I can't say I ever felt out of place. I ended up housesharing with a group I met by chance and it turns out 3 out of the 4 of us were state grammar kids, so I guess sometimes people of similar backgrounds do gravitate together.

Why should people have similar experiences at university? When was that ever the point? How is a German doing engineering going to have the same experience as a Pole doing philosophy? Your post bewilders me.

oh, and many of the students at my uni from the richest backgrounds had parents who wanted their children to know the value of money and so didn't actually give them that much disposable cash during term time (you just had to ignore the ski trips to st anton at christmas and family hols to barbados in summer )

YABU.... Any large organisation is going to include people from all kinds of backgrounds and everyone's experience is going to be different because everyone is an individual. Cliques exist in all walks of life....

I think people who keep on suggesting this sort of thing are the main reason anyone feels 'left out' at university, TBH.

It also reminds me of a girl I knew who went around for her entire time with a massive chip on her shoulder because she wasn't 'posh' like 'everyone else'. Eventually someone bit the bullet and asked why she thought they were posh - turned out she had more or less the same background as the rest of us.

It wasn't exactly her fault, she'd been told to expect university would be full of people from posh private schools and she just assumed it was true - but it was a right waste of her time and energy and frankly annoying.

I think it depends on you as a person.

I went to a very traditional Oxford College from a state school and a very normal background. I did feel isolated, but then I am or was a very shy person so I suspect that I did not help myself. I mostly hung about with people from the then Poly. I think things may have changed more now as at the time, there were no other people from my background to gravitate to and everyone's first question was "what school did you go to?" I imagine there are a far greater number of people from state school backgrounds now.

I went to Cambridge for my undergrad degree.

State school kids were a minority and the vast majority of those from the state school sector had got to selective grammar schools. Those like me, who'd been to a bog standard state comp were a minority within that minority.

It was weird how the 'rahs' managed to separate themselves off within the first day or so. In the early getting to know you stage, you'd engage them in chit chat and they'd subtly engineer the conversation towards 'what school did you go to?' when they discovered that it was a comp in a non-too-salubrious corner of the Black Country then you could see them glaze over, - 'not one of us'

Wherever you go there will always be people richer or poorer than you. I had friends from all backgrounds at a top university, from ex Etonians to Hebridean crofters.

Mind you, those were the days when you could still get a grant and housing benefit as a student....

Goosey cross post!

I found the wealthier kids stuck together - went snowboarding, yachting, year round tan, had cars, highlights, wore white jeans and had a lot to say for themselves.

But there were plenty of normal students too, working, drinking, eking out a fiver in the pub etc

I am from a very poor background but I was second generation to go to university and like my uncle I chose to go to the same'posh' uni to study the same 'posh' subject.

In the late 80s early 90s I was a rarity and unfortunately I let my low sense of self worth get the better of me, when in reality I was as worthy as the next 'gel'.

I am proud to have stuck it till the end but it was a struggle.

I agree with STL. Those would were properly wealthy tended to stick together but with everyone else it was a big melting pot containing very working class kids and your average MC kids.

I think you leave all your previous interests and to an extent, experiences behind when you go to uni anyway. Most people treated it like a clean slate and just wanted to get the most from the experience. We all sort of grew up together especially that first term. Coming home for Christmas and going to the pub with school mates who hadnt gone to uni felt strangely isolating.

Oh and DH grew up in a proper slum and fitted in just fine at Oxford.

I didn't go to a top university by any means, but found there (and still find now, through work and socially) that I was at the 'bottom of the pile' in class terms as I'd had a working-class childhood. The main differences are things like memories of food (Findus Crispy Pancakes, Ice Magic etc) when I can't figure out why someone else doesn't know a kids' TV show that was a huge part of my childhood, and then we realise that it was on ITV and they weren't allowed to watch it because ITV was 'common'. In our house ITV was the default channel.

And the ' what school did you go to?' question used to bamboozle me, I mean, It would never have occurred to me to ask what school they went to.

I came from a middleish background and found the public school people intimidating to begin with - but actually the too-cool-for-school, clubbing every weekend types were just as scary!

Interestingly my friendship group at university was pretty mixed - now in my 30s my friends are mostly from the same backgrounds as me and my university friends have reverted to type too. It's a bit sad actually.