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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to find adult women who talk about their weight unbearably boring?

90 replies

legallyblond · 27/02/2012 09:25

AIBU -I am worried I am being a bitch, basically, and overly coloured by my history (see below).....

We had a big lunch yesterday with family and friends to celebrate/mark a couple of events.

We are now all in our early thirties and mostly have kids or are trying etc. All the women (and the men) are well educated, clever and pretty issue free.

The pub where we went pretty much just does really good, proper wood fired oven pizzas. We had invited everyone for (and put a tab behind the bar) for lunch and it was arranged a month or so ago.

Basically, I just wondered if I am being unreasonable in frankly, being unbearably annoyed by pretty much all my friends (I love them, but in this respect... arrgh!).

Short story is: I was the only female who actually ate a pizza. Two others shared a side salad and the rest just had diet coke. We were there from 12.30 until 5pm. The conversation amongt the girls was, literally 99.9% about "do you think I have lost weight" or (from someone who is getting married) "I love my dress but it makes me look soooo skinny" and honestly, 4 hours worth of talking about what people eat (sooooo much - sooo bloated) and what people weigh. Also coupled with "oh god, can you eat all that, I could never eat that... wow! you won't need any dinner" (err, yes, I can indeed eat a pizza for one for lunch Confused and no, I really don't worry that it is going to make me fat and will have dinner as normal... Smile) None of the girls have ever been bigger than a size 10/12 and are mostly now about size 8/10. Me too in fact, not that it is relevant!

Now I do understand what it is to be obsessed about weight and to be ill with it - I was in hospital for anorexia for a few months as a teenager and was in and out of outpatient programs for a couple of years then, as a teenager. I also obviously understand that if you are overweight, you need to eat less and diet to lose weight and be healthy. Fair enough. None of us/my friends have ever been overweight, all are slim.

Honestly, all I could think all day was: GROW UP! Yes, as a depressed teenager with not much else going on in your life, worrying about your weight to the extent you are ill is a problem and should be discussed. As an eating disorder should at any stage of your life I guess. Honestly, none of these women have an eating disorder. They just don't (thankfully!). I know them intimately and know what I am looking for. And none of them are, in fact, too thin - all are just slim. I kept thinking that there are so many massive things in the world that you could be spending time thinking about and worrying about (I started talking about Syria and the image of the toddler who died (I found it so moving)... no response, back to our weight....). Also, we have kids... this is SUCH a bad example to them. Urgh! BORING!!!!

I am being horrid aren't I. This is because of my past, isn't it..? I should just ignore and not worry about what others say and do, shouldn't I? Sigh - I know it, do tell me (its why I am writing!) Smile

Seriously, AIBU?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 27/02/2012 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jasminerice · 27/02/2012 09:31

I agree with you. I have realised that I can only be really good friends with people that are foodies. I love food, but am not overweight, and I hate going for lunch eg with a friend who is obssesed with how many calories in each item on the menu.

I am ruthless about cutting out friends, so I never have the issue you had.

And also I doubt very much that most of your friends are issue free as you say. They are just not aware of their issues.

FedUpOfTheBunfightsSeaCow · 27/02/2012 09:33

I do find it irritating if it's the main point of conversation and causes people to behave strangely when you've all gone out to dinner.

grumblinalong · 27/02/2012 09:33

YANBU. 5 hours talking about weight Shock...zzzzzzzzzzz. They all sound very shallow btw. Especially front of dc's, what a terrible example of social conversation and healthy eating habits.

I'm like you, had an ED when I was younger so get a bit antsy when people go on and on about weight. I'm 5ft 4 and 9 stone 10lb and nearing the top end of my acceptable weight so when my MIL asks me EVERY TIME I see her how much I weigh now (she too is obsessed with weight verging into ED) it makes me so angry. She also comments on how much everyone eats which is just plain rude. It takes away the enjoyment of a meal, which you will know OP, has taken me a long time to get.

Methe · 27/02/2012 09:34

Yanbu at all!

tentative123 · 27/02/2012 09:35

Yanbu. Sounds dullsville. I'd have been fed up at the not ordering food before they started talking about it. Yawn yawn yawn. I would have said sommat too - "back to talking about weight, are we?" but hopefully wittier! And - sharing a side salad - wtaf!

mamalovesmojitos · 27/02/2012 09:35

YANBU I have two friends who can be like this. They get slightly competitive and are always saying to each other 'oh my god you've gotten so skinny' in a mildly aggressive way. They're lovely people and I want to be friends with them but the weight conversations do bother me sometimes.

legallyblond · 27/02/2012 09:36

Thanks so far - I half expected to get flamed.

Sometimes I think having anorexia as a teenager was something of a blessing as I just feel like worrying about what you eat (provided you eat fairly healhtily, by which I mean not McDs every day) is just ancient history and sooo not worth it (well, it wasn't a bleesing but this was a big positive out of the negative). There is so, so much more to life, ESPECIALLY at a social event like this... have you blinking salad or diet coke (the latter being poison by the way) in private, fgs.

Honestly - I think friends, good ones, should have fun, be interesting and build eachother up... it felt like none of my frineds were doing this. ARRRGH! It actually makes me quite angry, still, today, somehow especially now we have kids (haven't we now realised there is a bigging f**king picture!?)....

OP posts:
nancerama · 27/02/2012 09:36

YANBU. Can I be your friend? I love pizza and pudding. I too seem to be surrounded by numpties that won't do carbs, or dairy, or sugar and do nothing but moan about it.

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/02/2012 09:37

Urghh wtf go to a restaurant if you dont want to eat?

legallyblond · 27/02/2012 09:38

Really, thanks - I worried this was all just me not being over all that happened well over a decade ago... actually, I think it is them!

OP posts:
BumgrapesofWrath · 27/02/2012 09:39

YANBU. I went out with female friends the other night and it was very similar to what you have described here. Shock horror I wanted my own dessert and didn't want to share like all the other women.

iseenodust · 27/02/2012 09:40

YANBU Sounds a real pain and verging on competitive amongst them. Don't feel it is related to your personal history. Sounds as if you are someone with more interests/interest in the wider world. Feel sorry for their DC.

legallyblond · 27/02/2012 09:40

I know! And they had so much warning of this lunch so I had zero time for "I had a late breakfast" etc etc etc.... Part of the "event" was us moving away. I am actually quite glad for my daughter's sake! We're leaving London (yey!!!!!), so I wonder if this is a particularly London women thing?

OP posts:
legallyblond · 27/02/2012 09:41

I can't thank you all enough for this! I was sooo worried it was just me!!!

OP posts:
MsF1t · 27/02/2012 09:41

Not only are you not being unreasonable- I am aghast that they could be so insensitive- presumably they know about your past issues?

Agree totally with Euphemia.

I wouldn't invite them to anything like that again, and frankly I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with people who would seriously change the subject from one that actually matters (Syria, for example) back to calories... really? Thud. Hmm

treadwarily · 27/02/2012 09:41

Me too! Ugh, soooooooooooo freakin boring. I actually make a mental note to reduce contact with anyone who partakes in this crap. And I especially cannot bear it when they start talking like this infront of children. OK so have waste your life obsessing about your weight (which no one else actually gives a fig about) but don't inflict your madness on the innocents.

bigbadbarry · 27/02/2012 09:42

I'll be your friend too, and I will eat a whole pizza, possibly with a side salad and then have dessert. I never touch diet drinks. I will not ever suggest just having a starter and a dessert; nor will I piss on your bonfire by saying ooh I couldn't possibly manage pudding then sniping at you for wanting one :)

TeacupTempest · 27/02/2012 09:44

YANBU taking about weight and food, especially when at a restraunt, is boring.

But you don't have to be thin to have an eating disorder. Many adult women have disordered eating.

ViviPru · 27/02/2012 09:44

YANBU,

But I do wonder at the prevalence of this behaviour among your family/friends. To give some balance, I was at a very similar gathering yesterday. 6 women, all exactly the same ages/circs as you describe. Various figures/weights ranging from me at a chubby sz14, (I probably need to lose a couple of stone ideally, but not that fussed, I'm quite tall and do a fair bit of exercise) through to a girl who must have been a petite sz8, with everything else in-between.

The following was eaten:
Woman 1: Beer battered fish & Chips
Woman 2: Roast vegetables & chips (she is vegan)
Woman 3: Roast Beef & veg
Woman 4: Roast Beef & veg
Woman 5: Roast Pork & veg
Woman 6 (me): Veg pie & veg

We all cleaned our plates apart form the women with the beef as it was a monster portion so they shared it with their DHs. 5 of us had pudding. That would have been 6 but the vegan couldn't find anything on the menu suitable for her diet.

Not ONCE was the subject of diet/weight/food mentioned, outside of some discussion about the vegan diet and one girl being allergic to nuts. Interestingly, you couldn't say that being friends we're all likeminded, because while we are very friendly, we're all ostensibly friends via our DP/Hs and all quite different.

I think its weird that you're surrounded by this high instance of women who are so bothered about it. It would spoil the occasion for me. I sympathise with you.

legallyblond · 27/02/2012 09:45

Yes. They know about my past. Not that it should matter as it is ancient history now. God, I am still so cross this morning. And in front of our DDs fgs. URGH!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 27/02/2012 09:45

YANBU.... If I go out for lunch with friends, I wouldnt expect to be the only one actually eating lunch! Luckily all my friends are as greedy interested in food as me, not counting the calories...

aldiwhore · 27/02/2012 09:46

Its ancient history to YOU.

YANBU to find your own friends irritating, they're your friends. YABU to expect them to eat what you eat.

YANBU to find women who do nothing BUT talk weight tedious, YABU to think that women who talk to each other about weight ARE tedious.

I discuss my weight, weightloss, eating habits in GREAT detail with a couple of women (they're mums who also attend the same fat club as me) and these discussions are key to my ongoing success.

I don't discuss my weight with everyone, because its tedious.

I'm very pleased for you that you got your issues out of the way when you were a teen with nothing better to do. I had plenty better to do as a teen, which is probably why I'm having to tackle them now, as a fully grown adult woman.

Overall YANBU regarding that particular lunch and those particular friends. Other than that, well you haven't offended me yet. lol Smile

legallyblond · 27/02/2012 09:47

Hmmm Vivipru... interesting. Perhaps I have somehow surrounded myself with women like this...? I love my friends here, and we have been freinds for years, but yesterday felt like the last straw.

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 27/02/2012 09:48

YANBU - where are you moving too? I can show you a couple of places to get a good pizza! And pasta! (Love it allGrin.)

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