... to find adult women who talk about their weight unbearably boring?

[legallyblond]

AIBU -I am worried I am being a bitch, basically, and overly coloured by my history (see below).....

We had a big lunch yesterday with family and friends to celebrate/mark a couple of events.

We are now all in our early thirties and mostly have kids or are trying etc. All the women (and the men) are well educated, clever and pretty issue free.

The pub where we went pretty much just does really good, proper wood fired oven pizzas. We had invited everyone for (and put a tab behind the bar) for lunch and it was arranged a month or so ago.

Basically, I just wondered if I am being unreasonable in frankly, being unbearably annoyed by pretty much all my friends (I love them, but in this respect... arrgh!).

Short story is: I was the only female who actually ate a pizza. Two others shared a side salad and the rest just had diet coke. We were there from 12.30 until 5pm. The conversation amongt the girls was, literally 99.9% about "do you think I have lost weight" or (from someone who is getting married) "I love my dress but it makes me look soooo skinny" and honestly, 4 hours worth of talking about what people eat (sooooo much - sooo bloated) and what people weigh. Also coupled with "oh god, can you eat all that, I could never eat that... wow! you won't need any dinner" (err, yes, I can indeed eat a pizza for one for lunch and no, I really don't worry that it is going to make me fat and will have dinner as normal... ) None of the girls have ever been bigger than a size 10/12 and are mostly now about size 8/10. Me too in fact, not that it is relevant!

Now I do understand what it is to be obsessed about weight and to be ill with it - I was in hospital for anorexia for a few months as a teenager and was in and out of outpatient programs for a couple of years then, as a teenager. I also obviously understand that if you are overweight, you need to eat less and diet to lose weight and be healthy. Fair enough. None of us/my friends have ever been overweight, all are slim.

Honestly, all I could think all day was: GROW UP! Yes, as a depressed teenager with not much else going on in your life, worrying about your weight to the extent you are ill is a problem and should be discussed. As an eating disorder should at any stage of your life I guess. Honestly, none of these women have an eating disorder. They just don't (thankfully!). I know them intimately and know what I am looking for. And none of them are, in fact, too thin - all are just slim. I kept thinking that there are so many massive things in the world that you could be spending time thinking about and worrying about (I started talking about Syria and the image of the toddler who died (I found it so moving)... no response, back to our weight....). Also, we have kids... this is SUCH a bad example to them. Urgh! BORING!!!!

I am being horrid aren't I. This is because of my past, isn't it..? I should just ignore and not worry about what others say and do, shouldn't I? Sigh - I know it, do tell me (its why I am writing!)

Seriously, AIBU?

Thinking about it, perhaps there were one or two women in the group doing that competitive self-denial thing as suggested upthread, and in turn, others who were less strong characters felt they ought to join in even if they might not have otherwise.

God women can be a PITA sometimes, can't they?

*Disclaimer: Yes yes, so can men [rolleyes]

YANBU. Drives me insane with boredom too.

in your group I meant to say

YANBU, they sound as boring as fuck.

Could you not have joined in with whatever the men were talking about, if the women were discussing that for five hours?

When I first met my ex husband, we went to a BBQ and he introduced me to a group of women whose main topic of conversation was which shirts they'd bought their DH's for work.

I stayed for 15 mins at their table and then wondered off to talk to someone more interesting!

YANBU at all!

I work with almost all women and there is lots of this in the office. If someone is passing round biscuits or cakes or whatever, there's lots of 'ooh I shouldn't really', 'oooh go on then, I'll be naughty', 'ooooh just a little one then'. FFS - have one if you want one, don't if you don't!

There's one colleague who's particularly bad - she often used to comment on my weight as in 'gosh, haven't you lost loads of weight recently!' After several examples of this, I asked her 'what is it with you and my weight???' in a jokey but slightly peed off way, and have had no trouble since. Although I cant tell she thinks I'm in some ways not a 'real' woman since I don't care to discuss my weight in the office!

One more related story - a couple of years ago, I had the winter vomiting bug, which was obviously horrendous. I was off work for a few days. When I came back to work, I was tellling a different colleague why I had been off (i.e. vomming copiously out of both ends for 2 days) and her response was 'well I suppose it's a good way to lose some weight if nothing else' Charming! And very wrong!

(Which is probably why I'm going to start SW next week)

aldiwhore I don't think they are tedious and I do, of course (!), appreciate that they may have some issues and would understandably have sympathy with that. But if you go to a "fat club" (your words ), presumably you could actually do with losing some weight? They do not need to, hence I think it sets a bad example to DCs, aside from being boring! I don't think they should have eaten the same as me but, if you are invited out to lunch, eat something!!!!

Trying to be balanced and give this fair thought - had the other women not have ordered pudding, I probably wouldn't have either.

But that would have been as much to do with not wanting to take the piss when were were going to be splitting the bill equally and not wanting to make everyone sit and wait while I chowed down as worrying about looking like a greedy fat pig....

YANBU to fund weight talk boring. It is boring. Very. It's also quite sad that slim women feel they have noting better to talk about.

I wouldn't be annoyed at what they are eating though, that's entirely up to them. I find it annoying when I'm watching my weight or trying to lose a couple of pounds and people comment on the fact that I'm not eating much. But it works both ways, your friends shouldn't be commenting on what you are eating either, whether it's loads or next to nothing. It's rude.

YANBU
So irresponsible to go on like this in front of children.

And, as you say, bloody tedious. Don't get it from friends, but a surprising number of my (female) colleagues do this whole "I'm being good" thing when declining the offer of a biscuit. Since when has not eating a biscuit had any virtue in it? What's wrong with "no thank you?"

I also get unreasonably impatient who witter on about how long it took them to find a park/what bills they've got coming up/how tired they are so all up I am low on tolerance...

with people

YANBU My personal bugbear is anyone who describes food as "naughty". Grow up!

Dull dull dull. Thank God, hardly any of my female friends go on about their weight. I lose the will to live a bit whenever colleagues etc talk about it. Also 'Oooh, I'm so naughty'/'No, I'm trying to be good' when offered a biscuit. Grow the fuck up.

Oh and don't forget which route you took to get there ;)

(um, that was in agreement with treadwarily)

x-posted with lashings. Same wavelength or what?!

bigbadbarry - yes, that's a conversation killer too. Or how they haven't taken their lunch break yet or they've GOT to get to the gym tonight...

Oh yes, agreed, treadwearily. God, thinking about it, there's some bloody boring types out there eh? I'm probably a massive bore too. I'm boring myself now.

I know what you mean OP, it is not you, it is them!

yanbu it is very boring and a very bad example.

i am a touch overweight and counting ww points to lose right now... i never talk about this with anybody except DH, i just quietly choose something i know will be inside my points allowance and i do more exercise. i find talking about it makes me feel deprived whereas just quietly getting on with it is fine and allowing me to lose 1lb a week slowly and steadily.

A bit of both really...YANBU for being bored to tears if they all bang on about their weight but YABU if you are just judging them for not eating much.

TBH, I dont bang on about weight at all but I do watch what I eat and I may well have just ordered a salad...I wouldnt expect to be judged on that and I wouldnt expect someone to not be friends with me because of that - to me that seems just as shallow.

Live and let live.......you enjoy your pizza and let them enjoy their dust! :)