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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell au pair about a few small things

68 replies

deliakate · 26/02/2012 16:27

that are driving me mad? She often offers to do washing up, which is great, but she always does that thing of using a running tap and loads of fairy liquid on each plate/pan. Water gets everywhere, and its just a waste. Should I tell her to use a bowl?

I've let go the making tea with lukewarm water thing, and just say no to a cuppa if she makes one.

She's been here 2 weeks.... is this the kind of thing you can mention, or do you just start setting up bad feelings?

Feel like a flatmate again :(

OP posts:
bobbledunk · 26/02/2012 16:32

You're getting practically free childcare with an au pair, do your own dishes.

flyingspaghettimonster · 26/02/2012 16:34

I would mention the dish washing as a kind of 'we are trying to not waste water'... but the tea thing is not something to mention... maybe she is doing it like that so she doesn't burn your child?

Original poster
deliakate · 26/02/2012 16:35

She is not providing childcare, I'm a sahm, and she is living as part of our family to help out, in return for board, lodging and pocket money.

I would expect as part of the family she would help with dishes, since they are not just 'mine' - she eats too!

OP posts:
boredandrestless · 26/02/2012 16:39

It may well be that she did neither of these things regularly before moving in with you. I think it is fine if you can do it in a supportive, encouraging way e.g saying that you really appreciate that she is pulling her weight with the pots but could she do them x way so as not to waste water and washing up liquid.

AKMD · 26/02/2012 16:40

Next time she offers, ask her to do the drying up (even if you normally air dry!) while you wash. You can then, without any confrontation whatsoever, demonstrate how you wash up. She should cotton on. Repeat with other family members as necessary.

The tea thing is weird but I'd let it go.

TunipTheVegemal · 26/02/2012 16:40

Is she from overseas? Can't you make a positive thing of teaching her the English way to make a cup of tea?

JerichoStarQuilt · 26/02/2012 16:41

Are you sure it's wasting water? Confused

If you shower as opposed to running a bath, that is actually more economical on water - is it so very different here?

Btw, lots of Europeans think the British way of washing up by running a bowl of water is not very clean or nice - she might be a bit surprised by you saying something.

If you don't like tea how she makes it and she offers to make you a cup, just say how you like it - you wouldn't expect to keep accepting cups with sugar and milk if you prefer it unsweetened and black, so I'd think it is fine to say 'and I like it with boiling water'.

Sonriente · 26/02/2012 16:48

My step father does that- he's Hungarian and I assumed it was something they did there.
It use to drive me mad! But after 12 years of my comments he still does it at out house. And we have a dishwasher!
Now I'm a bit more chilled, I'm just pleased he washed up at all.
Pick your battles....

purplewithred · 26/02/2012 16:51

Just tell her. You will set up far more bad feeling by not telling her than by telling her.

Maybe do a little 'review' - 'now you've been here x weeks I just want us to sit down and see how things are going. I really like the way you do xxx, just a couple of points on washing up/tea, you do xxx very well indeed. Is there anything you would like to change or any improvements you can suggest'.

By the time I waved my 8th au pair goodbye I had a 6-page briefing book for them: what needed to be done when, what didn't matter, which products/brands/cloths were for what, emergency numbers, and so forth. I also took them shopping with me and let them loose in the supermarket to buy foods they really liked.

Original poster
deliakate · 26/02/2012 16:51

The tea thing is expected - every cup of tea I've ordered in France has come with a cup of 'boiling' water and Lipton tea bag on the side. That must be how they like it.

OP posts:
PattiMayor · 26/02/2012 16:53

There is no way I'd wash up using a bowl, I think it's minging. I'd ask her to dry

bibbityisaporker · 26/02/2012 16:54

Explain that we are facing a drought in this country (I don't know where you are, but a lot of England is already in trouble with low water supplies) and so we are going to have to do our bit in this house with saving water, and show her how you would like it done.

oiwheresthecoffee · 26/02/2012 16:55

I wash up like this. Way cleaner imo.

TunipTheVegemal · 26/02/2012 16:57

that's v clever Bibbity.
It would enable OP to do it without implying criticism of how au pair has been doing it up to now.

diddl · 26/02/2012 16:57

I couldn´t afford to leave the tap running whilst washing up so I´ll have to stick to being minging.

lesley33 · 26/02/2012 16:58

It is her home too while she is there. So imo you need to choose the things that really annoy you and tackle those. And be prepared to compromise. If she thinks it is very dirty to wash up in a washing up bowl, then I would let it go.

IAmBooyhoo · 26/02/2012 17:01

offer to make her a cup of tea while she is in the kitchen and make sure she sees you bopiling the kettle and making it how you like it. perhaps even say something like "i like me tea with boiling water"

same with dishes, do them infront of her and say something like, "i always have to remind myself to save water by filling the bowl instead of running the tap".

diddl · 26/02/2012 17:02

It is her home-but will she paying for the extra water?

IAmBooyhoo · 26/02/2012 17:02

dont let her see you bopiling the kettle at all!! Blush

boiling of course.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 26/02/2012 17:14

I can't stand washing up bowls. I don't run the water like that but I do have a double sink, fill one with hot soapy water and one with warm clean water easy, best of both sides.
I think you should say something along the lines of this is how we like it done.

Original poster
deliakate · 26/02/2012 17:22

IAmBooyhoo, great idea, that's how I'd like to do it (dishes, not tea). But its tricky as her english is awful and it would become a massive thing. DH speaks fluent french, so I could get him to do it - major cop out?

OP posts:
ScarfOfSexualPreference · 26/02/2012 17:26

When I went to nanny in France, I got in so much trouble when I washed up using the sink with plug. Apparently when the water runs out, the bubbles left in the sink destroy the pipes Hmm so washing with a LOT more washing up liquid on the sponge with the water running constantly is much better for the pipes. So yes it seems other cultures do things differently!

Mind you, this is the same family that sat me down for a meeting because I wasn't doing up every single button on the 2 yo shirts and not ironing his underwear- potty training, so a hell of a lot of it! So maybe a mad family Grin, sorry I'm no help!

Slambang · 26/02/2012 17:26

Most people from other countries I know find the British way of washing up (in a bowl of dirty soapy water with no rinsing) absolutely sickeningly unhygienic. When you think about it, it is.

I'd let her do it her way and appreciate it.

valiumredhead · 26/02/2012 17:27

So she washes up the proper way differently from you and she makes crap tea, and you are going to complain, seriously?

PattiMayor · 26/02/2012 17:34

I don't do a lot of washing up to be fair diddl - have a dishwasher! But I am not British and it's an way of washing up to me