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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell au pair about a few small things

68 replies

deliakate · 26/02/2012 16:27

that are driving me mad? She often offers to do washing up, which is great, but she always does that thing of using a running tap and loads of fairy liquid on each plate/pan. Water gets everywhere, and its just a waste. Should I tell her to use a bowl?

I've let go the making tea with lukewarm water thing, and just say no to a cuppa if she makes one.

She's been here 2 weeks.... is this the kind of thing you can mention, or do you just start setting up bad feelings?

Feel like a flatmate again :(

OP posts:

PattiMayor · 26/02/2012 17:34

an odd way of washing up even!

IAmBooyhoo · 26/02/2012 17:40

i dont think taht's a cop out, not if he can get the message accross unnoffensively and in her own language.

i also dont think this is complaining, just asking someone to make tea how you like it. what is the sense in either continually refusing tea in your own house or continually accepting tea you cant stand when i simple, "have you tried making tea with boiling water? it's lovely." could solve the problem.

the dishes wouldn't bother me but it does the OP so it's up to her if she thinks it's worth mentioning.

littlemisssarcastic · 26/02/2012 18:00

Is washing up this way a waste on principle OP, or is it a waste because it is unaffordable?

I am on a water meter, so the more I use, the more I pay although I still wash up with hot running water like your au pair but I appreciate that some people can't afford to waste water.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 26/02/2012 18:04

"Darling Au Pair, if you're going to be living in Britain you need to know how to make a good cup of tea. Step this way... I'm going to teach you something crucial"

And then make sure she learns to put the tea bag in first

echt · 26/02/2012 18:39

OP, demonstrate how you want it to do be done.

I did this for each of my au pairs, and this went for vacuuming the carpet and mopping floors. If it's part of what they are expected to do, they appreciate clarity.

MMMarmite · 26/02/2012 19:28

I wash up her way half the time - if it's just a couple of things then filling a bowl up uses more water, and if it's really dirty stuff then the bowl becomes disgusting after a few items.

I agree that you should teach her "British tea", frame it as a cultural exchange rather than a criticism.

Bgilly · 26/02/2012 19:58

I know exactly what you mean! I have had 4 au pairs over the years....they have all been lovely, but the smallest thing can really annoy! If you don't clear it up, it might grow into something much bigger, and that you DONT want! All the little things add up, and when someone is living as part of your family, it's really important that everyone knows how things are done. It might be that she will appreciate you telling her, maybe she didn't do it when she was home, or in a previous family? It's about how you tell her i guess.
I would also like to say, that having an au pair is not 'cheap childcare'..people forget the extra costs of food, electricity etc etc....but it was the lack of privacy that did me in the end!Au pair's are expected to help around the home, as any other member of the family is....so encourage her to help, and don't be afraid of showing her how you like things to be done...it is your home. If everyone works together it can be wonderful! :-)
Good luck. xx

Dancergirl · 26/02/2012 19:59

That's how au pairs wash up. Count yourself lucky she doing it properly and getting them clean!

No don't say anything

PattiMayor · 26/02/2012 20:03

Bgilly - au pairs are cheap compared to other forms of childcare. Yes, you absolutely have to make compromises but presumably that's a trade-off people are prepared to make.

I pay between £3 and £10 an hour for my childcare because I don't want to have someone living in my home. I can assure you it costs more than an AP

Heyyyho · 26/02/2012 20:06

Do you mean running the tap to rinse the washed plates? What's wrong with that?

When I wash up the items that can't get into my dishwasher I run the tap hot squeeze some soap and get a lather then wash and brush them, rinse under the running tap. To fill a bowl without rinsing in clean water is MINGING!

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 26/02/2012 20:08

Your au pair is washing up properly, you should do it the way she does it. Get your dh to tell her about boiling the kettle for tea, that one should be easy because many foreigners think Brits are wierd about tea. She will just think its a quirk.

elinorbellowed · 26/02/2012 20:28

Please don't try to pretend it's not cheap childcare. It is. They are there all the time. They are a live-in nanny without the training and holiday pay.
I think you should do your own dishes.

AKMD · 26/02/2012 20:34

TBH I do rinse everything in clear running water before I wash it in soapy water. Otherwise it's a bit icky.

hiddenhome · 26/02/2012 21:16

Washing up in a bowl is disgusting I always wash up under running water and it doesn't use any more than if you were using a bowl and having to keep emptying it as the water gets all greasy and horrible. Washing up liquid is cheap enough.

sparkina · 26/02/2012 21:25

If these things are annoying you now just bring them up causally but asap as you know what its like if you leave it youll go past the point of no return then you regret it and itll still be bugging you this time next year. she is in your home so should respect your opinion on how you prefer things done. im sure itll balance out as she will introduce better ways to do other things. good luck with it all.

Whatmeworry · 26/02/2012 21:31

Just show her how you want things done rather than saying nothing and stewing.

KittyAnne · 27/02/2012 09:12

Yup, do your own dishes or shut up.

PostBellumBugsy · 27/02/2012 09:22

Having had six aupairs, I would say that her alternative method of washing up & tea making will be the least of your problems!
If it really, really bugs you that badly, then you could show her how you do it - but I'm sure you'll end up with bigger battles to fight & if you don't count yourself very, very lucky.

fizzwhirl · 27/02/2012 09:39

My french relatives always washed up in a bowl of soapy water, but then rinsed everything in running water before drying. I think that's fairly typical in France.

I agree with the suggestion of having a friendly, female-bonding discussion about exactly how to make the perfect English cup of tea. French people already think English people are a bit crazy when it comes to tea, so I don't think she'd be at all surprised or put out!

treadwarily · 27/02/2012 10:00

Let her do it her way. And read the thread about the ocd husband. We all have our ways with housework and it won't work if you try to inflict your style on her.

SarahBumBarer · 27/02/2012 12:44

I'm amazed that I have never had to replace a corroded pipe due to washing up bubbles lingering in my pipes. Obviously I have been very lucky.

Ummm - what is an Au pair? I though childcare was implicit in the idea of au pair?

MrsKittyFane · 27/02/2012 12:51

Is the way she washes up one of the only things she does that bugs you? If so, you are being seriously picky and VU.
Rinsing dishes is far more hygienic than using a bowl. As for waste of water and washing up liquid... how much are you out of pocket really?

VikingVagine · 27/02/2012 13:08

Re French washing up, the majority of sinks here (France) are double so you have one with a bowl of soapy water and the second with clear water.

VikingVagine · 27/02/2012 13:10

And she is BVU making warm tea (but yeah, think yourself lucky if those are the only ishoos you have with her!).

OrmIrian · 27/02/2012 13:12

Eh? Why is everyone saying that it's the right way to wash up? Seriously? Surely you'd get through a whole bottle of washing up liquid and a tank of hot water for a meals worth of dirty plates?

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