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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to send DD (2.8) to nursery on monday in pants even though she hasn't done a single wee in the potty yet

63 replies

Whoneedssleepanyway · 26/02/2012 07:57

We are on day 3 of potty training and DD2 is proving very stubborn. She hasn't done a single wee in the potty or loo yet, she sits on there and then the minute she gets up has an accident, she almost looks like she is holding it in when she is on the loo.

She is showing all the signs, has been telling me as soon as her nappy is wet, has a dry nappy in the morning, is interested in seeing what is in her nappy, does a wee roughly once every 2 hours so good bladder control.

I have spent the last 3 days trying to encourage her to do it on the potty, we had a minor breakthrough on Day 2 when she told me she needed the loo and I put her on the loo and she did a poo.

The trouble is she has nursery Monday and Tuesday and DH says I can't possibly send her in pants but she has to go in nappies. I am feeling we must be just round the corner from her clicking and this would be going back to square one and confusing for her....

WIBU to send her in pants with lots of spare sets of clothes....? Or do I just give up for now and put her back in nappies. This is always going to be the problem as I work 3 days and don't have any leave until the summer to try and do this.

OP posts:

ripsishere · 26/02/2012 07:59

I would send her in nappies. Explain to her why. She should be able to understand that the staff can't be changing her clothes if she pees in them.
Would she prefer to use the toilet? my DD loathed the potty but was very happy to go on the toilet.

2fedup · 26/02/2012 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2012 08:01

If no successes so far it wouldn't be fair to send her in knickers. Sorry. Pulll ups might be less onfusing than nappies

Original poster

Whoneedssleepanyway · 26/02/2012 08:04

I guess I am BU then but I just can't see how we will every master this whilst I am working, as we don't ever have more than a 3 day stretch and I literally have no leave to take and do this. DD2 is so stubborn and naughty compared to her sister I knew that she would be a challenge on this (like she has been on everything else) I just have no idea how to encourage her have tried all the usual stuff. Back to nappies for now then.

OP posts:

LargeGlassofRed · 26/02/2012 08:05

I really wouldn't put her back in nappies, very confusing for her. What about getting some of those Terry washable training pants today, I used them with one of mine in the early days, at least they contain the wee, but are still pants.

2fedup · 26/02/2012 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThisIsExtremelyVeryNotGood · 26/02/2012 08:07

I think unless you get a major breakthrough with it today you should send her in nappies. Personally I'd leave any concerted effort until the summer when you have leave, and in the meantime keep her nappy-free when you're at home.

NorfolkNChance · 26/02/2012 08:07

I would definitely suggest pull ups rather than nappies. Potty training is a butch when your DD is stubborn

TroublesomeEx · 26/02/2012 08:08

My DS was a bit like this.

I just told him very matter of factly that it was a shame he wouldn't be able to go nursery and have fun with all the big boys and girls because he was still a baby.

Bingo. Dry from then on.

Not saying it will work for you, but I knew that DS was just being lazy - I wouldn't have said it out of frustration if there had been a real problem.

kittyk1 · 26/02/2012 08:08

We had exactly the same problem, DD in nursery 4 days a week, ready to be potty trained but I never had a clear run to do it and the weekends were never dry. Sent her into nursery on the Monday in pants (they can always put her back in a nappy of they disagree!) and once back in the nursery routine she was pretty dry in a couple of weeks, we just followed on at weekends. So i'd say take her in pants but with a nappy for them in case they are unhappy which I doubt they will!). Mixed messages when potty training not good and once she's in nursery seeing the other children doing it it will really help I am sure. Good luck!

NorfolkNChance · 26/02/2012 08:08

Butch = bitch naturally.

GusTheOneEyedPolarBear · 26/02/2012 08:08

I did this with DS1 and his CM, after discussing it with her, and it did not end well (very unhappy little chap and lots of wet clothes).
I can understand your wish to keep the consistency that was my school of thinking, but trust me it isn't worth it.
It did DS1 no harm to be put back in nappies and he trained really quickly after that.
Good luck whatever you decide to do

aleto · 26/02/2012 08:08

Why don't you put DD in nappies tomorrow but ask the staff for their opinion? They will let you know if they are prepared to have DD in pants and change her when necessary. If they are, you can start again at home on Wednesday and then keep going.

kittyk1 · 26/02/2012 08:09

And I don't think you are BU at all! Just do it. Worst they can do is ask you to put her back in a nappy which seems very unlikely to me - they are used to potty training!

ThisIsExtremelyVeryNotGood · 26/02/2012 08:10

How old is she? Not training is not naughty or stubborn, despite the other signs she might not yet feel the need to go or have any control over it. IIRC night-time dryness is hormone related rather than linked to ability to control the bladder.

catsareevil · 26/02/2012 08:11

She will get there in the end. Maybe she isnt quite ready yet. When my children were ready it just happened, it didnt take 3 days.

TroublesomeEx · 26/02/2012 08:12

I think you're right ThisIs about the nighttime dryness, but daytime dryness can sometimes be more to do with the difference between the convenience of weeing in your nappy where you are, and the inconvenience of stopping to go to the toilet!

ifeelloved · 26/02/2012 08:12

The nursery advised me to not out back in nappies, they were fully on board and helped with the potty training. They said Taft going back to nappies was confusing.

I just took in lots of spare clothes each day.

Talk to the nursery.

lecce · 26/02/2012 08:13

Are you really sure it is stubborness and naughtiness that is causing this? I had exactly the same with ds1 and I know how infuriating it is when you feel they are doing it deliberately, but, having come through the other side, I don't think it was deliberate. I now feel about the anger I felt and a few times showed when he was doing what you describe.

In the end we stopped it for a bit, though the potty was still out and we bought a few books about it but took the pressure off. When he was 3.3 he suddenly said, "When you've taken that nappy off me I want pants on please." and we never looked back.

I just wish I had waited and won't be making the same mistake with ds2. Don't create a huge drama out of this, it will get sorted because ALL children do get it sorted (unless there's a medical reason) just not necessarily when you would like it done.

Original poster

Whoneedssleepanyway · 26/02/2012 08:17

I didn't know that Exteremely that is interesting, but the fact she goes about 2 hours between wees must mean she has reasonable control surely?

Maybe stubborn is the wrong word then but she is definitely holding it while she sits on the loo and potty as on several occasions yesterday we sat on the loo for about 15 mins looking at books and stuff, I knew she needed to go as she was hopping around, but she wouldn't go and literally the second she was off the loo she did a wee on the floor.

Thanks everyone for your opinions, I think we will go in a nappy tomorrow morning and put some pants in the bag and speak to the nursery manager about what she thinks is best. I will ask them to take her to the loo regularly during the day just to encourage her.

Will look into those training pants LargeGlassofRed, haven't seen those.

I guess we will just try and stay nappy free at home and see what happens.

OP posts:

leeloo1 · 26/02/2012 08:20

I'm quite surprised you're potty training without discussing it with nursery first - after all they'll have potty trained/helped to train 100s of toddlers so will have a good idea of if your DD is ready, may be able to advise you - and you would know whether they'll accept her on Monday with knickers on or not.

As it is then I'd say you need to put her in a nappy/pull up as if she's finding it hard at home then it'll be worse at nursery when she's more distracted and doesn't have 1-2-1 care.

I always recommend part-time potty training - so asking them to sit on potty when you change their nappy - for a month or so first. They will then get the hang of weeing when you ask them to and as they get lots of praise for sitting/producing anything, but if they have an 'accident' its in the nappy, so stress free (all round!) and all fine. You can then judge their 'success' and when they're succeeding more then you can start 'proper' potty training - which should easily happen within the 4 days you have free.

ps Please bleach the words 'DD2 is so stubborn and naughty compared to her sister' from your brain. Not the nicest comparison to make. :(

RedHotPokers · 26/02/2012 08:24

Take dc into nursery in pants, with plenty of spare clothes and some nappies. Have a chat with the nurseryy and I'm sure they will be happy ( providing it is a private nursery rather than a playgroup iyswim).

TroublesomeEx · 26/02/2012 08:25

OP, my DS also used to hold whilst on the potty/toilet then walk into the living room and wee full flow on the carpet.

Tis very annoying!

Traceymac2 · 26/02/2012 08:28

I trained my dd with pull ups for the first couple of weeks emphasising the fact that they were 'big girl pants'. Bribery with stickers after each trip to the toilet worked well, then the novelty wore off and the bribe was replaced with 2-3 smarties after each trip. It worked very well and no more bribery was needed after the first week and she was dry from then on.

PeppermintCreams · 26/02/2012 08:28

Take both, and see what the nursery says.

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